Tuesday, December 20, 2011

The story of MILF Everest

First off, before I tell this story, let me say I don't view playing things cool and aloof as an intentional form of game.  But, over a lifetime, I have found most women go nuts over a guy who doesn't react to her first move.  I want to throw this story out there because it's a case where I had no interest in "playing" a woman, but she sort of just played herself right into embarrassment.  I think the story is an excellent illustration of how quickly women break down when men are not instantly attentive to them.

Friday night I went out and hopped two bars.  The first bar ended up being a wash because I ran into some chick who had the unparallelled crazy to think it was OK to come off as forward and then tell me that my number of sexual partners was off-putting.  I generally don't answer the number question directly, but . . . sometimes the honest answer just comes out because it's too late and I just don't give much of a fuck.

Second bar I hopped to because I have a younger friend, who we shall call Art, who hangs out there and makes lame attempts at picking up women, but who is all things considered very fun to hang out with.  He turned 21 a year ago and has probably been at the bar an unhealthy amount since then.  Still, funny as shit.

As it turns out, Art had several buddies there and they had brought along an older female friend who they have been trying to bed, as best I can tell, for frikkin years on end.  Once I had been properly boozed up, Art decided he was going to deploy me as his proxy for another run at this woman. 

Oh, and by the way, she is married.  That's worth mentioning.  If you've read the blog, you know I've only slept with one married woman, and it was the result of a long friendship and also her husband being physical disabled and sick to the point he couldn't have sex at all.  So, to say the least, my criteria to justify an attempted homewrecking is very high.

For this group of younger guys, this woman was MILF Everest.  The impossible-to-bed 40 year old that I'm pretty sure hangs out with them in large part for the cheap attention.  Everest seems to know them through some sort of work network of cooks and waitresses. 

A few facts about Everest.  To start, the minute you meet her, you know that a man hasn't said "no" to this woman since she hit puberty.  She knows men pay attention to her and she's not shy about manipulating it.  When pick-up artists write manuals about bedding party girls, Everest is the exact chick they have in mind.

Whatever the case, Art decides he's going to introduce her to me after he has explained, profusely, how awesome it would be to him and all his friends if any of them could bed her.  I had already seen several of them talking to her.  She played it as cool and distant as a player could.  Barely any acknowledgment at all.  Sorry, Art, but you're not even a blip on her sexual radar.

This is an almost perfect setup for a guy to run an aloofness play on a woman.  In other words, it was an excellent time for me to just me be and sit back and watch the lolz ensue.

Everest makes no effort to disguise her interest.  She plops herself hip-to-hip with me and flashes a smile as Art does the introductions.  She tells me in no uncertain terms that she isn't a fan of her husband and, I do quote here, "He doesn't have to know."

Now, Art and his buddies are stunned.  In five minutes I've accomplished more than their dumb asses have in years of trying.

To her proposal, I responded simply that I don't fool around with married women.  I'm not a homewrecker.

Art is having none of this shit and pipes in, "Everest, this guy is the richest dude in the place by far."  Technically true, but, again if you read my blog you know I consider it a decidedly bad move to play any form of "I have money" game.  One, because it's basically gameless.  Two, because I don't want to spend a relationship fearing that the woman in question is a fuckin gold digger.

Well, Everest knows the "I'm a rich guy" game and says something to effect of "You can buy me some Dolce & Gabana."

To which, I once again reply, I'm not a home wrecker.

She says, "You can buy me a drink."  Seriously, this woman has clearly never been blown out by a guy, or she'd know how gameless this is from the female end.

I tell her I ain't buyin her shit.

Her next tack is toward sympathy.  She tells me that her husband ignores her.  No joy?  Well, her husband beats her.  Still nothing?  Well, it's a loveless marriage.

I tell her that's her problem, not mine.

At this point, she's all-in.  She's pressed up on me.  She has her arm on my back.  She's rubbing her leg against my leg.  And she's telling anyone who will listen that "I love this guy!  He kills me.  He's so funny."  Yeah . . . again, Everest has never been fully blown out by a guy or else she'd realize how bad this has to make her look in front of everyone else.

Her next parlay is: "What if I divorced my husband and came back here and asked you out again?"  By this point, she is pushing her public mound into my thigh.

Now, I admit sometimes I cannot resist twisting knife to bone.  I playfully replied, "Well, there'd still have to be courting."

She smiles, because, again, she is fucking clueless because she has never been blown out by someone and clearly has no filter attuned enough to realize I am now making fun of her.  She asks, matter-of-fact, "Would you court me?"

I busted out laughing and loudly replied, "Oh, hell no, I wouldn't."  And kept laughing.

At this point she finally backs off.  She puts both her hands in the air demonstratively and says, "Hey, I tried."  She repeats this several times.  She didn't seem particularly defeated.  I think she backed off because she needed a pause to analyze what this was about.

Now, Art knows me well enough to know where my morality is at.  But, he was pretty drunk and frankly I doubt he gave much of a fuck what I thought about pushing this unholy union.  He says to me, "Oh, her husband's short and I'd kick his ass."  I shrug this incredibly dumb notion off by saying, "That doesn't stop bullets."  He pushes the issue several times and realizes, much to his amazement, that I have opted to blow off a woman he'd cut off his right hand to fuck.

So, before heading off with her herd, she gives me a hug and gives Art a hug.  After some fresh air, I drive Art back to his place and drop him off there.  We agree to hang out the Saturday night, also.

Well, by jove if Everest doesn't make a point of coming by on Saturday night.  This time with her husband in tow.  Now, the first thing you realize about her husband is that he is well aware that his wife fucks around on him.  And worse, he is the jealous type.  In short, the whole setup is pretty much what I had guessed it was.

In no way does this deter Everest from resuming raving about me.  I'm funny.  I should be an actor.  I'm great.  Again . . . gameless as fuck. 

She is, in front of her husband, giving just about every guy she knows inappropriately long hugs and kisses on the cheek.  Art is eating this shit up.  He's clearly not afraid to soak up the suddenly needy affections of a rejected attention whore.

Now, here's the second thing I figure out about her husband.  He's an OK guy.  He's a working guy who started his own construction business and staked his claim to a piece of the American dream.  And a claim to his second wife who is also on her second marriage. 

As I talk to the husband, the first thing I realize is that half the shit Everest told me is total fabrication.  This is a couple that's engaged in all kinds of displaced behavior.  If he gets jealous, he's going to attack another guy, displacing his anger at her.  When she gets bored, she takes her anger out on him by seeking the attentions of other men.  Frankly, my best guess is that it's a bad relationship between two people who love each other in a very fucked up way.

Now, there's a very very nerdy part of me that just wants to dissect these two people and see what makes them tick.  I mean, you read about shit like this in textbooks, but you rarely get to see such a perfect pair of specimens in the wild.  Fascinating.

So, Art and I stick around.  Art takes the opportunity to grind Everest on the dance floor.  I pick on him and leave him to his simulated homewrecking.  Who knows?  Maybe Art will get his shot at Everest now that her ego is sorely bruised and she craves a cheap victory.

Whatever the case, we stick around long that everyone makes the drunken trip to go get food afterward.

Now Everest will not turn off about me.  Her husband stays outside talking with another guy for a few minutes, so I end up getting it both barrels while Art makes his failed go of asking out our waitress.  Even once her husband comes in, she will not shut about me.  I give him this: he didn't hold any of it against me.  I probably won some points for telling him he ought to go home and fuck her until her hip breaks.  Be whatever this was, the hubby seemed to appreciate that I was trying to be a stand-up guy.  I feel safe guessing he hasn't be so fortunate with other guys.

After food, we all finally disband.  Everest makes a point of rolling down her windows and hollering "I love you!"  Ah, the joys of late night drinking.  (Although, I cannot recall Everest taking a single drink of anything.)

This one is a fresh story.  I'm not certain where to frame it.  Certainly not in my gallery of "girls I was tough on, but for whom I feel sorry".  Whatever Everest's virtues are, she fails to inspire a great deal of empathy. 

As always, I am utterly unimpressed with a forward woman.  Physically, Everest seems like she ought to get it done for me.  But, the giant needy push for attention and the completely shameless response to being blown off are both massive turn-offs for me.  Even unmarried, this chick would have been a hard sell to me.

But, there is something instructive in all this about the value of ignoring a woman.  High status women have a hard time comprehending the idea that any man would ever say no to her.  In my experience, this type of woman is a vampire squid sucking attention from as many sources as possible.  Nothing throws her off like a man not responding according to script.  I figure the last guy who blew her out completely was probably a high school guidance counselor who wanted to keep his job.

I do find it chuckleworthy.  In psychology, there is a concept of a "yes ladder" when negotiating with someone else.  The basic idea is that you take incremental steps in working a person toward a big yes they'd never accept in one leap.  Negotiating against herself, with no hope of success, Everest seems to have invented the "no ladder".  She pretty much raced herself to the bottom and then sat there making a disgusting demonstration of it all instead of just accepting it as a rare case of chivalry.

It's a little horrifying to ponder what this whole incident says about women's expectations of men when confronted with a full-on, easy sexual proposal.  I know that most guys will take the sex.  But, seriously, how can a woman like this be so lacking in self-awareness to not at least get off the damned throttle once she has smashed herself full speed into a brick wall?

Apparently hot chicks don't encounter men who ever flat-out refuse them.  I guess somewhere out there is a pair of Mormon missionaries she must have devirginized.  Otherwise, I'm at a loss to explain how else a woman could be so clueless once a guy has started making fun of her.  Clearly she's in that group of attractive women who never had to learn people skills.  There's not much else that explains it.

1 comment:

  1. i always wanted to do this i always imagined how an attention whore will react to being rejected.

    im naturally aloof, or just a calm person. any advice on using that at the best of my abilities.

    ReplyDelete