You are a man who craves emtional warmth but does not know how to get there. You have flexed and primped yourself to be fuckable but unobtainable. Like a pornstar! Not really impressive.
you claim to be able to read women and like the feeling of knowing your effect on them but they cant "have" you. You like the fact that softer women would like to fix you. These are blatent signs of dysfunction, so much so you have pages and pages of self justification/validation. Its clear someone who loved you abandoned you emotionally at a very young age. Who was it, your mother? who rejected you to make you like this. Were you shoved into boarding school? You need to admit to yourself that you are like the women you analyse and find pathetic. A desire for a reltionship but unable. you have an inability not an ability with women. To use the term aloof gives you the misguided notion that there is somehow autonomy in your behaviour and being, but in actual fact, this is who your are-a damaged personality. You can advise other men as much as you like on how to acheive a balance with "aloofness" but the truth is this is a learnt behaviour following emotional scars, people cannot just switch on emotionally dysfunction, it has to already be there to some extent.
There's a lot to take issue with here, but overall I think the comment has quite a bit of legitimacy.
I'll take it in pieces . . .
You are a man who craves emtional warmth but does not know how to get there.That one is fairly straight-forward. Truth be told, I don't disagree with this one. I just think it's something that deserves to be restated.
You have flexed and primped yourself to be fuckable but unobtainable. Like a pornstar! Not really impressive.
This one I disagree with, but it falls under the heading of you have to know me. I'm not the preening type. In fact, being a teenager of the 90s, I spent a good portion of my life being pretty damned bummy when you get right down to it. Also, the impoverished upbringing didn't help.
Its clear someone who loved you abandoned you emotionally at a very young age. Who was it, your mother? who rejected you to make you like this. Were you shoved into boarding school?
I have to say this is the remark that bothers me the most. If the commenter would have bothered to read some backstory (here) they would have realized how off-target the boarding school remark was. "Boarding school" as a sexual insult borders on meaningless to Appalachian white trash.
I'm also rather disinclined to go after the mom.
One, frankly, because it's a chickenshit and lazy thing to do. If you grew up healthy in a first-world country with no real signs of abuse, give your parents some fucking credit. Parenting is a tough racket. And frankly, you don't really get any return on it til the little fuckers are in their 20s and crying like bitches about how hard adulthood is.
Two, because I'm a believer that a lot of male sexual dysfunction comes from early courting efforts. Presuming no parental abuse, you learn less about a guy from his mother than you do from the first five or so girls he tried to woo.
In my case, I think I just learned the wrong lesson in my teens. The first girl I went really hard after gave me a hard time . . . right up until I started ignoring her. It was empowering and I never got over it.
A desire for a reltionship but unable. you have an inability not an ability with women. To use the term aloof gives you the misguided notion that there is somehow autonomy in your behaviour and being,
First, good luck with the general issue of autonomy in any human behavior! We humans badly over-rate just how in control we are.
As for "ability" vs "inability" . . . ya play the cards you're dealt.
I spent a good portion of my life feeling like a I needed to get better with women. That's why I started reading PUA blogs. But, a funny thing hit me as I was reading all that stuff. I kept reading about guys who wanted to be like me!
It was at that point I realized whatever issues I have, they're not those guys' issues. I have that aloof, indifferent quality by the truckload. For good or ill, that's an installed feature in my software. I have it.
You can advise other men as much as you like on how to acheive a balance with "aloofness" but the truth is this is a learnt behaviour following emotional scars, people cannot just switch on emotionally dysfunction, it has to already be there to some extentI don't really believe that's what I'm doing here.
For one, I admit a lot of what's going on here is emotional scarring. But, truth is, that's fucking life! We all carry emotional baggage. It happens because shit happens.
As for advising other guys . . . kind of . . . I do. The big thing is that I see a lot of guys online talking about emulating guys with natural game with women. And when it comes to being aloof and indifferent, I have a lot of natural game.
I always advise guys to not follow too far down that path. A bit of indifference is one thing. Being a broken person who enjoys jerking women around more than he likes fucking is a whole other ball of wax. I would never encourage any guy to actually go as far and as hard with this type of behavior as I do.
But, like Hunter S. Thompson once said about drugs . . . I wouldn't recommend it to anyone, but aloofness has done alright by me.
And, yes, it is a drug for me. Make no mistake about it.
I enjoy jerking women around. I don't particularly enjoy sex. A single physical conquest means nothing to me. I'll do it if it's there, but it's not what I get off on. For me, it's the complete, broken, messy emotional surrender of a woman that gets me off.
I don't suggest that isn't some sick shit. But, it's my sick shit and it's a big part of who I am. Yes, I do take a kind of perverse pride in it. That's human nature, especially among people who strongly identify themselves as outsiders.
When I'm sitting in a bar or club, I know I'm pretty fucked up. Have no illusions about that. I know that it bothers other people -- I've had them tell me my behavior bothers them! That an attractive man can sit by himself and blow off approaches by women is an extremely unconventional behavior.
And I have had members of both sexes give me hell about it. Guys don't find it amusing because it shuts down the mating market for them when chicks start pining for some guy who won't just nail things down. Women find it downright puzzling.
And it undermines a basic belief that human beings have. People believe that attractive people have a responsibility to society to go out and be actively involved. To confer their status upon other through friendship and sex. Human beings, especially in the club/bar setting, trade on social capital. And they don't like watching someone be stingy. And the fact is, attractive men who have their shit together and can project an air of distance are the individuals who trade on the most social capital in that setting.
I have no illusions about any of this. I realize my way is different. I realize it can be downright upsetting to other people. But, I'm in my mid-30s and I'm not the type to change. It's not in my nature.
The truth is, if a few guys tripping over themselves with approach anxiety learn something from me, fuck it, that's a general good. No one is being harmed by what I'm telling here. Those guys who want to be more aloof are way too engaged in socialization and mating to ever get as broken as I am. It's not gonna happen.
My behavior represents an extreme. And just like drug addicts and daredevils, you're not encouraged to emulate aloofness too hard. But that said, smoking a joint or exceeding the speed limit aren't the end of the world. And neither is getting off on blowing off some chick at 2am in a bar.
So, yeah, I throw it out there. Just make sure you have brains enough to read the warning label.
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