Tuesday, November 6, 2012

How she rates herself matters more than how you rate her

Something I've realized in recent months is that a lot of male-female social-sexual interactions begin with how she rates herself on the Ten-Point Scale of the sexual marketplace.

Any negotiation ever has to have a starting point.  Someone has to take a hostage and threaten to blow their brains all over the wall before a hostage negotiation can begin.  Someone has to own stock to initiate a hostile takeover.  And in sex, someone has to do the approach and the the person being approached has to make a snap judgment about the likely success of said approach.

In the male-female dynamic, all interactions begin with her rating of herself.  This is because most approaches are done by men.  The party with the right of first rejection is the female, by default.

The thing is, this clouds women's judgment when they openly approach guys.  Women don't open approach often.  Meaning, they're not accustomed to conceding the right of first refusal to the man.

Worse, women begin with the default assumption that all men, when offered sex, will take it.  So, when a woman approaches a man, she assumes he will engage her.  And once he does that, she will retake the right of refusal.

That's where aloofness throws things wildly out of whack.

One thing that still kinda kills me about this blog is that the audience skews a tad female.  Very simply put, blogs where guys talk about their sex lives don't skew female.  That's just a fact of the universe.

What fascinates women about aloof men?

That's the essence of the great question so many of you gals google to get here.  Women love aloof men.  That's my baseline assumption.  Aloof men tie women in knots.  And when women are emotional knotted up, their entire system overloads and they can't quite process anything except how much they want that guy.

So, what's the deal?

1. Women who encounter an aloof male fail to comprehend how much power they're conceding to him without firing a single shot.

Women have so brutally internalized the notion that all men want to fuck all women that the possibility some man out there doesn't want to fuck her isn't even shuffled into the deck of cards.  It's like expecting a 15th Century Pope to mention quantum entanglement without any prompting or previous education to that effect.  It's just not there.  It's like a pre-9/11 airport versus a post-9/11 airport.  It requires a radical information shift.

2.  Women begin with their own rating of themselves.

Women have a sense of their own sexual value in their heads.  This SMP value guides which men they will respond to and which men they won't.  This is why pick-up artists teach the idea of negging and demonstrating high value.  You want to drag her SMP value down and push yours up.  A half point each way and pretty soon a 5.5 male is banging an 8.5 female, because they've each shifted their frame enough to consider each other in-bounds for sexual participation.

This is why women often tear each other down.  Women covertly game each other in the hope of depriving their competitors -- including their friends -- of sexual opportunity.  Essentially, they want to get other women so depressed that they never take a shot at that hot guy, thus leaving him available.

3. Part of how we rate ourselves begins with trying to seduce challenging sexual options.

One thing that sucks about life is that we don't really know our precise SMP value score.  We have a rough hint of it based on who tries to fuck us and who we try to fuck and what the outcomes are.

This is one of the reason that human beings place so much emphasis on homosocialization.  Humans crave feedback about our sexual accomplishments.  The reason is simple: we're trying to achieve as close to an optimal reproductive outcome as we can.

But, sex occurs in an information poor environment.  Especially on the female side.


How, says you?  Well, female sexuality is a lot more adaptive.

Women have a baseline notion of physical male perfection that hasn't changed much over the centuries.  You look at ancient depictions of male sexualization and they pretty closely mirror modern underwear advertisements.  That's radically different than male sexuality, which goes through many phases valuing plumper, skinnier or (presently) more athletic women.

Thing is, women don't stop anywhere near as close to that baseline socialized norm of sexiness as men do.

Men pretty much favor the homosocialized norm for their ethnic group and only fudge a tad.  This is where stupid shit like black guys liking big booty girls and white guys liking dainty little miss thangs comes from.  Men are socialized to sexualize.  Whatever that socialization is plunks them right down in their range of sexual preferences til the day they die.

Women expand far beyond the homosocial baseline in valuing a man.  Women value wealth.  Intelligence.  Sense of humor.  Social grouping.  Those things are all fungible and sometimes outright malleable. 

The evolutionary basis is obvious in the sexual imperative for each gender.

The male imperative is to plant his seed and see the child carried to term.  Preferably he'd like to see the child get to an age where it can moderately look after itself, but the family support structure around the woman is expected (ideally, but not as often in real life) to pick up the slack if the relationship deteriorates and mommy and daddy part ways.

The female imperative, on the other hand, is to obtain a mate who can provide both good genetics and resources.  This weights female sexuality strongly toward the high-end of the social hierarchy.

Problem is, hierarchies are subject to change.  What worked for her mom may not work for her.  Wars happen.  Leaders rise and are overthrown.  Last year's strong male is next year's disgraced dictator in exile.

The female is going to seek out a successful male who can navigate the treacheries of the hierarchy.  That requires social skills and intelligence far more than physical strength.  Strength is nice, but 20-inch guns don't stop a lynch mob when the hierarchy goes down hard.

Our friend, the sense of humor

This is why women looooove a sense of humor.  Humor represents the confluence of social skills and intelligence.  This is why nerds get bullied -- they have the intelligence, but they lack the social skills.  This is why clowns never get ahead -- they have dancing monkey social skills but they lack the intelligence to capitalize on them.

Every time a man uses his sense of humor, he is either asserting his place in the hierarchy OR he is challenging it.  This is why alpha jocks shit on weak nerds -- it's about letting them know who's on top and who isn't.

But, it's also why the aloof outsider is so very damned sexy.

Aloof attraction as a buy-low strategy

The sexy aloof outsider is man capable of leading the next revolution.  It's why Che Guevara is still a sex symbol decades after his death.  Women see the aloof outsider as a value investment, in purest sense of the word as conceived by Warren Buffet.

Break the aloof outsider down into his pieces:

1.  He can survive as an outsider.

That's important.  He's not a weak beta male simpering along quietly at the edge of the tribe.  He's actually kind of a loud dick who gets away with subverting the alphas.

This works two-fold.  It's also a covering bet.  If he fails to overthrow the alphas, he still stands a good chance of living to fight another day.  He has the gift of being too clever for the mob and the powers that be.

2.  He can be had cheaper than the alphas.

Alpha male has to be shared.  The odds that you're going to be his "Number One Ho" are low.

The aloof outsider, on the other hand, has not accumulated power.  That's the downside.  The upside is, he also has not accumulated a harem.

So, if a female can angle to get her in on the ground floor with the aloof guy, she has a shot at being the next queen of the tribe.  There's a lot of upside to nailing down a good man before he catches his big break.  You get him cheap and then you lay waste to every woman around him.  Done right, you have the resources of the entire tribe all concentrated for yourself and your offspring.

In other words, played right, the aloof male of tomorrow can cheaply exceed the alpha male of today.

Approaching the aloof guy

When a woman approaches a guy, she's all but conceding he's out of her range, per the Two-Point Rule.  It's a gambit.

She sees a guy who is an 8.5.  She rates herself a solid six.  She sees two or three other chicks that are solid sevens in the club that night (it's a slow club on a shitty night in a crappy part of the country).

She knows by the basic math that he's not going to approach her.  If he's in an approaching mode, Mr. 8.5 is going to approach the solid sevens, not the solid sixes.

Worse, the sevens are going to notice him.  But, because they're in his 2-pt range, they're going to use the girl approach of choice: indirect approach by way of orbiting.  Women's egos won't suffer directly opening guys in their 2-pt range.  The sevens will orbit Mr 8.5 in the hope he gets the hint and approaches them.

In order to win, Solid Six has to hijack the game

This is why the Solid Six decides to throw homosocialization overboardThe homosocial norm is a losing game for her.  She sees the aloof male and knows the upsides.  She also knows who her competition is.

And she also knows their weakness : the Solid Sevens are rarely going to open the aloof male unless he's damn near a full 10.

So, the Solid Six plays hardball.  She directly opens Mr 8.5.

Again, there's a lot of upside in this plan.  Also, based on the assumption that all men want to fuck all women, there's little downside.  She believes he will fuck her.  She knows he's easily worth the aggressive play.  She knows her competitors won't lower themselves to opening him directly.

And this is why there's slut shaming

The Solid Six's direct approach is the reason we shame sluts.  Again, the assumption is that all men will fuck all women, given the opportunity.  So, the Solid Six has no rational reason to not just offer herself up to a superior male.  There's no math that goes against saying "fuck those bitches, I'm gonna bed this guy".

Except, every single woman she knows will fucking destroy her socially.

This is why women complain so vociferously about men who fuck skanks.  As a guy, if women are complaining that you fuck skanks, what they really mean is "you could do better, so goddammit, engage in a ridiculous protracted pursuit of me instead of any easy pursuit of her".  Sluts are viewed as free-riders.  And tribes destroy free-riders without mercy.

For the high-end male, it's important to understand that every woman around you is gaming everyone in sight.  The Solid Six is trying to plow through a obvious flaw in how the Solid Sevens play.  The Solid Sevens are trying to shame the Solid Six into not doing it under some flawed notion of morality.  Everyone is trying to hijack the system to gain the best possible mate.

Circling back to the point

This is why everything begins with her rating of herself.

The odds that she will engage you begin with how close you are to her SMP value.  Are you in striking range?

If she's at the edge of your range, she's trying to sneak under the radar without being brutalized out of the tribe as a slut.  Ideally, she can play it off and make it look like it was your idea.  She'll pretend she wasn't so slutty.  She wants everyone else to approve.  And then she wants you to lock it down and give her the chance to fuck you senseless, cook for you, bath you, fold your laundry and then say "But, what could I do?  This big, sexy man wanted me.  Who are you all filthy fucking hateful shit-eating jealous whores to question his judgment?"

Played right, the Solid Six gains the upper hand.  She gets the guy.  And she also gets the dark pleasure of trashing all those Other Bitches.  She gets to go on Facebook and out them as hateful jealous cunts who are trying to steal her man.  In short, she ascends to Girl Heaven.

If she's within your range, she's trying to induce you into approaching.  She wants you to tip your hand.

First off, by approaching her, you validate her assessment of her own value.  Her score is now locked in on the board.

This is why men bitch relentlessly about women letting themselves go once they have a man.  Women feel they deserves their final score til the end of time.  Men feel like she's free-riding on a score she no longer deserves.

This is also why women so brutally shame men for pointing out that lots of women become fat fucking hags.  In this case, the Solid Seven eats herself into a Barely Passable Four-Point-Five.  For her, it's a great deal.  She gets fat and eats donuts all day and watches soap operas.  If he complains, a flash mob of angry friends will appear to call him an evil cheating no good sexist piece of shit.

So, her scored is locked in now that he has approached her.  She wins the first round by default.

But, his value is still subject to change.  First off, she wants to confirm that her rating of him was right.  Maybe he's a good looking retard.  Maybe he's a former alpha -- a deposed dictator whose Swiss bank accounts have been raided by the World Bank.  She wants to verify that he has the goods.

This is what shit testing is about.  Is he clever?  Is his game tight?  Does he have real social skills?  Does he seem to have wealth?  Is he as sexy as his baseline suggests?  Is her -- cross your fingers -- sexier than his baseline?

If he goes down in value, how much?  A dumb hot guy still has value.  Let's call this the Ryan Lochte Rule.  Sure, Ryan Lochte will lose to Ryan Gosling any day of the week -- Gosling can do long division while Lochte wears adult diapers while he sleeps, ferfucksake!  But, what are her chances of being able to toss off a retarded 9 in the hopes of landing a brilliant 10?

That's why her opening score matters so much.  If she's a 10, then forget the dimwitted 9.  She might as well play for a smart 10.  If she's a soft 8, maybe the dimwitted 9 gets a try-out.  Who knows, maybe he's sneaky smart?  After all, NFL players get laid all the time.

And that's what makes aloof guys so very fucking great

The thing with an aloof man is that women start getting concerned that the aloof guy knows something she doesn't know.  If he's Mr 8.5 and she's well within his range, then why isn't he dry humping her, a lovely Solid Seven, at the first chance he gets?

Is he holding out on her?  Does he know he can do better?  Does he have such serious upside socially or  economically that he knows he can do better?

And if so, why the fuck isn't he beating everyone over the head with it?!

And that makes Miss Solid Seven suddenly really want to know what's going on.  Why is this aloof guy so damned aloof?  What is he hiding?  Just how fucking big is this Scrooge McDuck vault he has?  Just how many shares of Facebook did this prick get during start-up funding?  Just how many powerful politicians does this guy talk to every morning before getting in his car?

Worse!!!  Just how big are the tits on the last Full-on Ten he banged?  How many Full-on Tens has he banged?  How many other Solid Sevens are begging for his alpha dick every weekend?

And that's where the aloof male breaks women down.  They know something's up.  If he were a beta pussy, he'd break.  He's tip his hand.  He'd overplay his game and she'd know it and kick his ass to the curb for thinking he was so fucking suave.

Women believe their intuitive guess is spot-on

One of the big weaknesses Girl Game has is that women have a terribly miscalibrated notion of just how easily they can spot weak males.

You can't blame women for this attitude.  Think how many dorky guys take a run at her at work.  Thin how many drunk, stumbling dancing monkeys try to grind her at the club.  Think how many weak ass old men hit on her when she sits down at the bar.

The world, the whole way to the horizon, is crowded with weak men pissing away her time.  It's wall-to-wall with losers, creeps, weaklings, gross old guys, pervy young guys, horny dweebs, needy nerds -- all trying to fake her out hard in the desperate hope she's off her game and they get a chance at plunging their seed into her womb.  Hell, it's why every healthy, sane adult single woman uses contraception.  And it's why abortion will always remain legal somewhere that all women can fly or drive to.

Every woman expects losers to go try-hard and fuck up her life if she's off her game.

And even once you get past the losers, let's not overlook the false alphas.  

How many whiny muscle betas do you think have left her disappointed by sobbing relentlessly the first time she threatened to leave?  How many tattooed, jobless fuck-ups do you think rocked her uterus and left her trying to figure out why she couldn't quit them?  How many good providers do you think got her backstage concert tickets and then barely failed to get her wet when they got back to the hotel room?

Women smell loser all the time.  It's pretty much the default scent of humanity as far as they can tell.

And this creates a giant misperception in women.  Women believe they can flush out weak males.  So, by default, any male who can't be flushed out with basic Girl Game is an alpha male until proven otherwise.

And that's why aloof males mop up hard.  Aloof behavior bypasses a woman's entire shit detection system.  She takes a hard run at him, inviting him to expose himself as a loser.  He blows it off.  She tries again.  He blows it off.  She tries again.

And then she turns into a quivering, mentally unstable mass.

Game.  Set.  Match.  Aloof guy wins.