Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Humans are manipulative -- get over it

I've long had a theory that the whole internet-based men's movement that loosely ties together pick-up arts, men's rights advocates, angry neckbeards, and right-wing "Red Pill" politicos in disguise is ultimately unified by a single thread: autism.

More than anything, I think this entire zeitgeist is driven by autistic individuals coming to the realization that human existence is inherently manipulative. Anyone who works with autistic people in therapeutic situation will tell you that arriving at some understanding that human beings are manipulative is one of the big steps forward that an autistic individual can take.

Where I think thinks turn poisonous in the discussion among these guys is that it tends to be a bit of a half-realization that ends up being exceedingly self-soothing and self-serving. Rather than making the full leap to the concept that, "OK, they're manipulative, I'm manipulative, everyone's manipulative," they tend to lean on the crutch of "women are manipulative because they think its fun, and men are manipulative because women's behavior forces us to be that way."

That's an incredibly childish take on the problem. Even allowing for the idea that women might be more manipulative, there are strong evolutionary reasons why that might be the case. For example, if half of the members of your species are going to have a size and strength advantage against you, it's probably worth your time to develop an asymmetric advantage in order to fucking survive.

Beyond that, it's an astonishingly victim-centered view of oneself to feel that only one of other group of human beings are evil monsters who make you do something that you'd otherwise not do. Exceedingly immature, and worse the political right-wing element that's fostering the men's movement on the internet is leveraging this on a daily basis.

Worse, let's just be honest about autism and manipulation. Autistic people are manipulative. They just really, really suck at it. It's not unusual for males of prime reproductive age to get angry about their own inability to acquire a mate, but this particular subset (autistic, male, internet-heavy, prone to blaming others) is so far the fuck out in left field it's unreal.

The fact that you suck at something and therefore don't do it should not be confused with the idea that you wouldn't do it if you could. I may not be the world's greatest jumper, but that doesn't logically lead to the idea that all people who are good at jumping are engaged in an extant conspiracy to prevent me from dunking a basketball. It's just too much of a logical leap.

Making the whole problem worse is that there's a readership-writer feedback loop of validation. The more times a Red Pill blogger uses the term "hypergamy" (which is just the natural tendency of all human beings to seek the best available mate pairing) the more times he's applauded by commenters and readers for pointing how terrible the women folk are. The readers feel validated, and then the writer feels validated, and that all leads to a feedback loop of circlejerk "hooray for us" crap that doesn't help anyone become a better human being.

At some stage you have to make a bigger leap forward. It's not enough to notice the role that the manipulative behavior of others plays in your life. You have to, in order to be healthy human being, understand that all social existence is inherently manipulative. Anyone who's ever watched a baby cry and then check for its mother to respond knows how much of a bedrock principle this is.

The problem is that ultimately, autistic children with underdeveloped manipulation skills tend to develop strong victim mentalities. There's a feeling of being constantly bullied -- even in situations where it's actually just more normal social interaction. The feeling of bullying is validated by the fact that bullies tend to pick up on autistic kids' lack of social skills and target them. That's all understandable, but if you aim to lead a healthy adult life you're going to have to move beyond that.

It's not enough to glare at the rest of the world saying, "I recognize what all you fuckers are doing." Recognition isn't much. I can recognize that I have cancer, but that recognition hardly is going to save my life all by itself. It takes other steps.

The human ego is incredibly defensive and good at insulating itself from attack. A lot of pathologies ultimately start when an individual lays down that first defensive barrier that's so think that reason will not penetrate it.

There has to come a point where a healthy adult makes the effort look out from their defensive position and see a world that might be worth visiting on occasion. Autistic kids are great at building their own little worlds, and they become adults who do a terrible job of leaving their defensive fortifications for very long -- if at all.

The problem is that if you ever aim to have a healthy interaction with a member of the opposite sex, you're going to have to suck it up and move away from the fortifications. There's more to life than simply defending your ego from harm.

Feeding into an internet monoculture where damaged autistic males sit around discussing how evil women are and how we'll all totally show them is pretty much the worst thing you can do. Yes, there are basic realizations that come with the PUA/Red Pill/MRA ideology that are worth discussing and even incorporating into your worldview.

A lot of it is quite useful on a daily basis. You shouldn't go through life being the bottom bitch to everyone you meet. You shouldn't be cloying in your eagerness to please the opposite sex. You should be aware that other people are trying to manipulate you.

There's nothing wrong with any of that, but it's merely a tool kit. You can't allow yourself to become fixated on the minute details of those working to such an extent that you forget to live an actual life. You have to be bothered to do more than just succeed at approaching a couple girls and maybe get a piece of ass.

The horror of it, at least as far as I can see, is that young men are making a monstrosity out of the very thing that they want.

One of the things the Freud got right -- and despite all the point and laugh factor people have with Freud, he got a lot of shit right despite working at the very dawn of time within his profession -- is that objectifying the opposite sex is an act of aggression toward them. To look at women as monsters because they don't offer you the ready supply of happiness and pussy that you expect is an act of aggression. Like most acts of aggression, it arises from a feeling that active defense is better than taking an ass-kickin'.

If all you feel toward the opposite sex is a need to engage in acts of aggression in order to not be caught defending yourself, you need to get your head straight. No one owes you sex. No one owes you happiness. No one owes you the best mate available. You have to make yourself a person worthy of the things that you want.

Villifying the opposite sex as a bunch of mean and manipulative brutes is dumb. Actively seeking to fuck them as a form of revenge for making you feel that way is creepily Freudian.

You really want to live your life being "creepily Freudian"?

Friday, January 16, 2015

How quickly a woman can switch tempo when she wants a guy

I was doing a bit of reading -- yes, I've slowed down enough to read this week! -- and came across something discussing the idea that if a woman wants a guy, she won't make him wait. In fact, she'll move mountains to make a piece of ass happen.

This got me to thinking about a specific story.

I have a friend who I like to call the Internet Pimp. For whatever reasons, he's good at online dating. I tried to figure it out once, but I realized that online dating chicks are just the same annoying shit only with more work, lies and distance involved.

Whatever the case, he can pull it off. To a point. Probably his biggest weakness is an unwillingness to commit to a brutally pervish alpha male approach to things, despite the fact that he sure seems to be turning these chicks around on about a two week timeline once he has them properly engaged and pushing toward meeting and sex. He grew up in a very social conservative environment (practicing Catholic, lifelong Republican), so all I can ever guess is that some of his more beta behavior is a self-defense mechanism where he's protecting himself from the truth of his own rather ruthless sexual intentions.

Every so often he manages to get an attractive chick talking. I've seen no evidence that he can close these chicks, but just hooking a non land whale into a convo through an online dating site is in point of fact an accomplishment.

I hang around his place enough that I get mentioned pretty often in these convos in the form of "I have a friend here". Every now and then a rather frisky chick will ask for a pic (yes, single women know no bounds of rudeness). I'm not a fan of this stuff, but that doesn't mean I'm not willing to have a few predictable laughs at a chick's expense. This, however, gives rise to one of the more, "Wow, I did not realize how stupid women can be in the pursuit of dick," moments.

He was talking with this chick who works at a federal law enforcement agency in an in-the-field capacity. The friend thing came up, and the pic thing came up, and suffice it to say she went full retard.

She wanted to chat me up a bit, but I took a pass, so he just opted to annoy me on here behalf (did I mention he can do some obnoxiously beta things?). Being who I am, I just blew it off and responded to the questions in pretty much my standard form: treating her like a non-entity, an idiot and a total piece of shit.

Within two hours this evolved into her offering to travel more than two hours at that exact moment. Beyond that, she indicated that she'd use government resources to do it! Apparently she was in a position within law enforcement where she could insinuate herself into local happenings and use that as an excuse to travel on the government's dime whenever she wanted. (Yes, these are the people protecting you.)

Aside from the fact that fucking a federal agent seems like a pretty obvious "no" to me, I thought the whole eagerness to meet factor was creepy as fuck. I'm all for telling women that their behavior is creepy. They don't get told it enough.

She kept pushing the issue, so I finally told him to tell her that if she's that hard up for a piece of ass, I'm sure we could just order her a male prostitute in her area and save her some travel. She tried to laugh it off as impractical and haha, but I noted that wherever there's a federal presence of any size there's definitely going to be prostitutes of all genders and orientations available for ready exploitation.

She took umbrage to this, and he brushed it off as me having a strange sense of humor. (I do, but that's not what this was about. I just don't like encouraging women's creepier tendencies.)

The conversation subsided. Several days later, he saw me and said, "You know that chick asked about you again. She wanted to know how you're doing."

I asked, "What did you tell her?"

He replied, "I told you're my friend, not my kid. I don't keep track of how you're doing."

I'm pretty sure sometimes he engages in these exchanges just for the benefit of taking notes on how I respond to women, because that response seemed like a significant and sudden upgrade for a guy who had recently humored her attempt to bypass him and seek his friend's attentions.

What's funny is that he told me he had been trying to work her over for two months. Further proof that a woman isn't willing to advance toward the finish line, cut her loose.

I, of course being an arrogant bastard, thought the whole thing was funny. He couldn't get her to agree to anything in two months, but all I had to do was treat her like dirt for a little while and she was offering to use government resources to come meet me right away.

That's your ladyfolk for ya. Thoughtful, kind, well-adjusted, decent and capable . . . right up until a mean boy who they want to fuck refuses to give them the attention that they seek. Then they turn into corrupt, dangerous idiots who are willing to commit a federal offense and lose their jobs.

It doesn't paint a reassuring portrait of the fairer sex, but it certainly explains a lot of bullshit.

Dropping by to say hello

My apologies to folks who were regular readers. I managed to dig myself pretty deeply into a major math project that's had my attention since the middle of the fall.