Monday, September 24, 2012

Women who keep beta males as pets

Something I've noticed lately when I'm going out is that a small number of women seem to keep a beta male as a pet. 


Well, let me illustrate . . .

Example One

There's a chick at one of the bars I frequent that is friendly toward me, but I'm not going to give her the time of day.  Bluntly put, it would be a two point violation.  She's a bit dumpy and dresses like she's the head coach of the New England Patriots.  And she wears her hair overly long, like she's a 10 year old with femininity issue.  Nice girl.  But, not gunna happen.  The 1990s are over -- don't expect to get laid pulling that shit, ladies.

There's a guy there who has been playing what can only be termed some serious beta male long game with her.  A couple months ago it was dancing monkey game, followed by pretty overt rejection by her.  This weekend he was up to creepy old man game, complete with attempted lower back rub.

The funny thing is, she likes to play push-pull game on him, even though it's very clear her finally answer is to push him away.  She'll let him lean in, but when he starts working the lower back, she'll smack him away.  And if he gets too insistent, she just abandons him to talk to her friends or goes to the bathroom or whatever.  At one point she abandoned him to go make out with a bull dyke and did not come back.

In short, she likes the attention, but he don't get no pussy.  His dignity does seem to have a cut-off.  This weekend, he finally gave up about an hour before closing time and just left.  So . . . there's something to be said for the guy.  Not much.  But something.

 . . . and a second illustration . . .

Example Two

A different chick.  Cut, mid-20s, blond.  On most guy's scale she'd be a 7.  She comes into the bar (the same damned bar, BTW!) several months ago with a guy friend.  He's dancing with her, but not grinding.  He follows her like a lost puppy.  She ignores him.

They're both dancing and she keeps making eye contact with me while she's doing this.  I blow her off because, frankly, I fucking hate chicks that collect beta males as pets.  It's disgusting and unfair.  Plus, I'm disinclined to blow-out some poor loser in front of his dream girl.  I'm not mean enough to do that.

Eventually after a couple failed passes at me, she retreats to a table.  I'm sitting at my table, texting a friend my observations of this weird couple.  From behind me, the guy comes up and hands me a beer. Oooooh-kaaaay.  What's this, you ask?

He says it's from the chick he was dancing with!!!!!!!

I've seen some shit in my lifetime.  But this was a first.  She had sent her pet dancing monkey beta male over to me with a gift.  Wow. 

Again, I don't humor this shit from women.  So, I told him to thank her for me and called it at that.  Or, so I thought.

I should know better.  If a chick's crazy enough for a guy that she'll deploy her beta helper monkey in service of her hypergamy, she's in deep estrus.

About ten minutes later, she sits down at my table.  Helper monkey is still in tow, of course.

She says some damned thing.  Basically "Hello, blah blah blerg."  Then she says she noticed what I was drinking and that's why she sent over the beer.  She offer a clank of the beer bottles type of toast.  I comply and then go back to texting, telling my buddy about the fucked up chick are her fucked up guy talking to me.  She says something and I pretty much ignore her.

So, he disengages, goes a few feet away and dances for me.  I ignore her and she finally gives up.  Helper monkey clearly senses this and resumes monkey dancing for her.  Thankfully, the end of that episode.  I don't want to have to adopt a beta male helper monkey just to bed a horny chick.


Something I've learned is that some women like to keep a beta male around for the attention.  And at least one apparently uses her beta male as an assistance dog.

Of course, these guys are playing the loooooooooong version of the long game.  If I stick around long enough, surely one night she'll have a moment of weakness and fuck me.  Or she'll see what a great guy I am.  Or whatever.

The funny thing is, in my experience, what these chicks really do is orbit alpha males and then fall back on their beta males for an ego boost when the alphas blow them out.  And these guys are so beta they go along with it.  Hell, in some cases they fucking facilitate it.  And provide table-side service.

But, why do women let this go on?  Why not have the decency to just tell the guy to fuck off?

I'm not a big fan of the theory that these girls are just being nice.  A woman seeking sex is a monster to guys she doesn't deem worthy of her babymaker.  Most women will just call the beta males creeps and trash on them until they either go away or blow up and get tossed out by the bouncers.

The women who keep beta males as pets are assuaging their egos.  They want that boost.  And if some hanger-on is dumb enough to provide it, so much the better.  They want the alpha dick, but they need something to make them feel better all the nights they go out and don't get it.  So, they adopt a beta male as a pet.

It's weird.  And I won't even say it's common.  But, it's out there.  It's a thing.  It happens.

What eye contact at the bar or club means

One thing I want to get across to all single guys out there is this little idea right here: women do not just aimlessly look around at guys in a situation that is strongly equated with sex.

So, if you are at a bar or club and a girl is giving you repeated eye contact, it's a signal.  Pure and simple.

How can you tell?  How can I know for sure it's not something I'm mistranslating?

Because women will not risk having some random weirdo get the wrong idea.  Ever.  If a woman has any doubts about your flirt-worthiness, she isn't going to chance giving you the wrong idea.  So, if you see her at the end of the bar or across the dance floor or three tables over, and she's making eye contact (or pulling the patented look away when you look trick), then you're in.  Go for it.  All the lights on the board are green.

In a setting where the sexual tone is clear, women don't chances on sending false signals.  It's just that damned simple.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Pretty much how I feel about men's rights stuff on the web

The linkiedink, first . . .

And now the quote . . .

Fascism has co-opted seduction!  There’s no other term for it.  Gender fascism.
Basically fascism goes like this: “There is a problem with this world, and it’s caused by _________________.”
Fill in the blank with your “ism” of choice.  Feminism, communism, judaism, multiculturalism … whatever.  The first thing you need to do is convince people there’s a problem.  Then you lay the blame.
I clipped that one sentence short because the last potshot is a tad histrionic for my tastes.

In general, I like reading on the subjects of mating, seduction, feminism, sex, sexual politics, PUA, bondage and on and on.  In truth, I'm a pretty voracious reader.  I read a lot of shit I don't even care about. Some of my favorite stuff to read is things outside my wheelhouse and my worldview.  I find people I don't know or don't understand to be fascinating.

But, the manosphere, so-called, has become dulled down to the point of uselessness in large part because it went mental right around the time Obama was elected president.  In truth, I don't see this as an accident.  I have no proof to back this up, but my gut feeling is that there is an effort afoot to co-opt the "seduction community" into being the next generation of angry conservative white assholes.

To be clear, I'm not uncomfortable with the basic anti-feminist critique of the men's rights movement.  Simply put, I do think that western civilization went too far in tipping the scales, particularly in the courts, toward women.  Divorce is a shit deal for men and by default it makes marriage a shit deal, too.  This shit deal has made it vastly harder for people to enter into long-term, loving relationships.

But, behind all that rightness is also an agenda intent on completely reversing the tide.  There's a group of men in the whole men's rights / PUA / seduction community that has it in their heads that there was some mystical time not long ago when it was super easy to be a white male in a western nation.

Again . . . not entirely false.

But, facts are facts.  Feminism ain't goin' away.  All the dark people ain't goin' away.  Liberal society ain't goin' away.

Nor should they.

On balance, the march of progress for women and minorities has been a good thing for all people.  To the extent there have been failures, they result from a handful of causes.  One is a simple failure to appreciate how long and hard the road would be.  Two is an unwillingness to accept to some degree humanity will always suck.

But, three is the big issue in my mind.  Three?  Three is that we often badly overcompensated.

Divorce is the #1 offender in my view.

First, a little history.

Let's be clear about something.  Divorce used to be a really shit deal for women.  Up until the second great wave of women's liberation in the 1960s, a woman seeking a divorce could be buried by her old man.  It was not unheardof for men to just have their wives remanded to mental institutions in order to get out of marriages.  Women were regularly left destitute if they left their husband.  And the man stood a good chance of gaining custody of the children.

In many ways, the modern divorce system has simply flipped the rules.  Now it's the guy who gets buried.  The woman takes half his shit.  She gets the kids unless she is provably dangerous or just doesn't give a fuck.  She can seek divorce on the flimsiest of grounds.

All we did in western society is replace one shitty and unjust system with another shitty and unjust system.

To my mind, all this stuff is germane to discussion in the manosphere.  But, at some point you gotta let some of it go and just live your life.  The world sucks.  More terrifying: even though the world sucks, we live at the peak of human existence to-date.  You can't let that awful fact become a crutch that you lean on instead of confronting the world.

That's where I feel a disconnect with a lot of the PUA stuff from recent years.  You can't be telling these dysfunctional kids who just want to get laid that there's this massive conspiracy out there intent upon turning them into sexless eunuchs.  That isn't helpful.

But, sadly, that's about all there is left out in the so-called manosphere these days.  It's disappointing.

The fact is, people will always fuck.  Life finds a way, no matter how stupid and broken the prevailing system is at any one given time in history.  We're all here because a whole series of human beings before us made what amounts to fairly stupid and self-destructive decision: they fucked another human being.  Humans like fucking and they're not gonna stop it anytime soon.


Those are the ground rules today and in perpetuity.  If you allow more conscious issues to get in the way of your diving in and enjoying all the fuckery your ancestors enjoyed before you, that's your problem, not society's.  There's a whole slew of interracial kids out there who were conceived despite society's dumber ills.  Why?  Because humans fuck.  Every moment, somewhere, some couple is fucking right now.

That simple.  That's the baseline assumption.  Anything that deviates from that baselines assumption is not helpful. 

So, you're either in The Game or you're on the sidelines.  If you're on the sidelines, that's your choice.  That's your neurosis.  Don't think elaborate explanations of the grand anti-male conspiracy discharge you from your responsibility to go forth and fuck just as irresponsibly as your ancestors did before you.

This blog is game-adjacent, not game-oriented

Something I keep trying to emphasize, because I see it over and over in the search queries, is that this blog is not about some mystical PUA tactic called "aloof".  It isn't, because "aloof" is a terrible idea if your goal is to game women.  Just terrible.

This blog is just me sorting out some issues.  And, yes, I am aware of PUA, Game, and all the cetera alongside all that stuff.  It's not a focus.  But, it does inform my worldview.

On balance, I would consider myself fairly Game-less.  Most attractive guys in fact are.  And most aloof, attractive guys are worse than that: they're bored and they get off jerking women around.

I'm a weird guy.  And I get away with a lot of shit because a large enough segment of adult women want to fuck me that I can go out any night and get laid if that's my goal. 

Truth be told, even non-adult women hit on me.  Last week I was standing in line at the butcher's shop.  There was a woman standing there with her two teenage daughters.  The oldest one looked maybe 17, had kind of a hot volleyball chick thing going on with a dash of corn-fed blond girl.  She was going all-in on the over-the-shoulder lookies at me and horny hair pulls while giggling with her sister and giving the "you know" look to her.  On a level, it was disgusting.  But, there was also a narcissistic side of me that quite enjoyed the attention, even if the attention arose from a clever plan that would have put me in jail if I saw it through to completion. 

(For those playing the home game, I'm 34.  So, yeah, I'm rocking it out pretty hard these days.  I've spent six months killing the workout regimen.  And now I get creepy advances from 17 year olds.)

My point . . .?  My point is that you don't want to treat anything I tell you here as a guide on how to game women.  I'm that odd breed of aloof, attractive, distant, cocky, mean, off-putting . . . all that shit women say they hate, but secretly love. 

The distinction between you and I, dear reader, is that I can get away with that shit for months on end and still have a woman pining for me.  For most guys, that shit isn't gonna fly.  If women don't already come pre-activated for you, aloof is a dangerously stupid approach to gaming them.  Evasive is great if you're not invisible to women.  It's an absolute disaster if they're not already looking.

Remember: aloof guys can teach you some basic facts about women.  But, at some point you have to factor in that we're just damage attractive guys.  Don't read too much into our fucked-up approach and for the love of gawd don't parrot our behavior.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Rare, rare linkage on the subj of aloofness

First, the link:

Second, the quote:

Adolescent girls test their own sexual appeal by embracing the challenge of attracting guys who are unlikely to commit. Unsurprisingly, disagreeable loners and narcissists are the most difficult to lock down.

I never thought of my high school experience in these terms.  Looking back across the gulf of aging, I never had much insight into why girls liked me when I was a teenager.  The basic notion that women like distant guys, I got.  I just never understood why.  And when I say that, I mean in very empty sense.  I mean in the sense that if an asteroid wiped out humanity tomorrow, I wouldn't understand why it happened beyond a series of gravity fields tangling up enough to eradicate all life.  Amoral.  Meaningless.  Empty.  No real "why" to be had.

When I was in high school -- and for those playing the home game, I am old enough that high school for me means rock was still alive and music was not yet autotuned -- I was a particularly off brand of loner.  I was dirt poor.  I was widely considered a smart fuck-up who managed to get by with little effort.  I was considered a major disciplinary problem by many teachers.  Despite having the size and athleticism of an NFL defensive end, I hated team sports and all my friends were nerds, geeks, drug addicts and fuckups.  I am, to this day, much more drawn to outsider culture.  And the cool table was never where I wanted to be at lunch.

In other words, I was an expert outsider.  A level 60 outsider. 

When I was young, I didn't comprehend that girls would find that attractive.  Now I fully understand it.  I had the right balance of defiance and indifference.  I was attractive and athletic.  I wasn't beholden to a clique.  I didn't have the right parents or the right family or the right friends and it didn't matter.

I was, for all purposes, outside the system.  I was adjacent enough to high school life that I had to survive it.  But, I was far enough beyond it that girls got the gist that something special would come of my adult life.

And, again, I need to reiterate, I did not understand a lick of any of this when I was a kid.

One thing that sucks about the teenage years for guys is that the girls have a much better bearing on life's score.  Girls know who is worth breeding with before those guys themselves know it.  Guys are just sort of stupid to it all and unsure what it means.  Most of the time, they're just happy a girl is even talking to them.

When I was 16, I thought of myself as a dirt poor, hopeless smartass who hung out with the other outsiders.  If you had told me I was the brooding loner that girls dream of, I'd have told you that you got the loner part right.  The idea that girls saw past the bad stuff and could ferret out the framework of a functional, successful, unorthodox man lurking under the smartass kid would have just confused the shit out of me.  I didn't get it.  At all.  Empty.  Missing.  Error.

The idea that all of that was attractive?  Oh, that would have just left me stunned.

Yes, it seems absurd that several of the hottest girls in my high school took a run at me and I somehow didn't comprehend how that reflected on me.  I never once thought of myself as an attractive guy.  Ever.  I dismissed it as time spent together.  Bonding.  Whatever.

Really, I just dismissed it in general.  I didn't get it.  I got that they liked me.  And then I got scared as hell.  I thought I was just a scummy poor boy who could never live up to anything.

Simply put, I thought they were getting it wrong.  So, I became aloof.  I shut them down because that seemed like the thing to do.  It protected my ego from the inevitable failure that was bound to come from a poor smart ass dating a hot chick.  It protected them from the failed life they'd lead if they stuck with me.

To some extent, even now, I feel I did the right thing.  In my mind, I just wouldn't have wanted them suffering the bumpy ride required to get from me being a hopeless poor boy with some type of potential that only other saw to being a grown man who has the entire game of life thoroughly beaten.  I wouldn't have wanted them to suffer through my twenties.  I wouldn't have wanted them standing there telling me what I could be if I just got my shit together.  And I certainly did not want to have to hear them bitch at me, either.

I'm not emotionally capable of dealing with that sort of thing.  That is why I am an aloof man.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Biology: everybody cheats, right?

This is a bit of a rambling thought.  I apologize in advance . . .

One thing I have been pondering lately is the notion that men's attraction to PUA-style "fake it til you make it" alpha maleness is not all that dissimilar from women's propensity to put on make-up.

The hinge of this notion is that all human beings are trying to infer the underlying genetic code their sexual partner will impart to their offspring.  Conversely, they're also trying to mask the faults of their own genetic code.

An interesting example is the penchant men have for wearing heavy cologne (because, let's face it, some people are just too fucking stoopid to figure out the difference between eau de toilette and eau de cologne).  Women complain profusely about this behavior.  Men lay cologne on too thick.  It's a fairly accepted fact.

The evolutionary basis of this conflict is that women use a man's scent to check his healthiness.  Like all evolution-driven behavior, it leads to an arms race.  Women sniff then men mask their smell.  And an entire industry thrives for another generation arming the two genders.

Likewise, men use a woman's complexion to do the exact same thing.  And men LOOOOVE to extol the virtues of how pretty women look au natural.  In fact, men like it when women unilaterally disarm.

Same evolutionary arms race.  Men look at skin clarity.  Women buy concealer.  Rinse and repeat for as many generations as it takes to achieve infinite perfectability through technology.

The thing is, the vast majority of genetic traits men examine in a potential mate are outward, physical traits.  Breast size.  Skin clarity.  Hair luster and length.  Etc.  Stereotype as needed.  So, the counter-programming that women engage in is fairly straight-forward.  Make-up, conditioner, plastic surgery, etc.

On the flip side, a lot of the genetic traits women seek are not so obvious.  Aggression is a hard thing to measure at first glance.  Yes, there are some physical traits that tip it.  But, on balance, women need to test-drive a guy's personality a bit before they can start to infer underlying genetic factors in his behavior.  And there are vast differences between healthy aggression -- which may lead to wealth and sexy kids for several generations -- and unhealthy aggression -- which may lead lead to a murder-suicide.  Tweaking the display of apparent healthy aggression centers around what PUAs are apt to call a man's "alphaness" (although there is a broader homosocial issue there, too).

Much as a disciplined woman can manage a beauty routine that undermines the evolutionary arms race, so to can a disciplined man manage a behavioral routine that undermines the test-drive of his personality.  Therein lies a lot of the basis for the "fake it til you make it" approach that PUAs favor.

The funny thing is, though, disciplined behavior is, itself, a good evolutionary barometer.  This is the case of experiments that show early childhood ability to delay gratification -- the marshmallow experiment -- tracks quite well with adult educational attainment and economic success.  So . . . how much are you really beating the system?  And how much are you conforming to the system and just following the path of least resistance within it?

Again, this is kind of a rambling post.  I don't know that any of this has any deep meaning.  I just think it's worth tossing out there.