Monday, December 31, 2012

One of the best comments on Game ever

This right here:

A habitually cynical outlook. A continual view of sexual life as a matter of full-fledged conflict between the sexes.

I talk about this "Game" and "PUA" stuff more than I probably should.  One of the great problems of the modern age is that so much of our vocabulary is informed by people trying to penetrate the mainstream from a fringe position.  And the "manosphere" that surrounds "Game" on the internet is a clusterfuck of competing fringe positions jockeying to own the modern definition of manhood.

What's worse is that they aren't wrong about the problem.  Modern western civilization has broken too much of how we define both men and women.  And of course every generation finds innovative ways to continue the war between the sexes.

One of the biggest problem about the war between the sexes is that it is just a time-honored tradition that every human generation, by the simple fact that they are in the process of producing a further generation, rinses and repeats without fail.  It's not a fixable problem.  Why?  Because it's a feature, not a bug.

Sexual tension is just part of the human condition.  There are winners and there are losers.  And pretty much everyone gets to come up a loser all the time.  But, not everyone gets to come up a winner at least once.

There is nothing wrong with Game in the sense that losers are stopping, examining their shit and recalibrating their approach.  There's nothing wrong with fat guys running sprints.  There's nothing wrong with skinny guys eating protein and hitting the weights.  There's nothing wrong with dorky guys sorting their shit out and learning how to talk to girls.

Up to that point, the net value of the conversation on the internet is a positive thing.

Where things go south is when the losers stop really trying to recalibrate and instead start trying to assign blame to the opposite sex.  What's worse is that a lot of manosphere is conservative-leaning (in the American sense) and has a bit of an underlying political agenda.  Frankly, there's a lot of misogynistic shit out there.  There's a lot of racist shit out there.  There's a lot of angry dudes muttering about libruls and feminists and the nanny state.

None of that has anything to do with getting laid.  It has little to do with forming a stable long-term relationship.  And in some cases it's just downright toxic and counter-productive.

Worse, there are a lot of guys whose defeats with women seem to have left them at the point that the only relationships they can have with a women are antagonistic.  Essentially, they can't function around a woman unless they are putting her down.

I'm a fairly liberal guy.  So, obviously, I come a little predisposed to want to filter out the right-wing chaff from the actual good stuff in Game.

The funny thing is, I like strong women.  I like women that can throw back a bit in verbal combat.

Now, those are the same women that manosphere types bitch endlessly about.  "The shit test" is an article of faith.  And worse, it's the fucking first sacrament of woman-hating.  Guys who lose in pre-Game awareness harbor a lot of bullshit into their Game aware lifestyle.  That shit has to stop.

There's nothing wrong with the notorious shit tests women put on for men.  Why the fuck should a woman assume your game is tight without poking around and looking for holes?  You wouldn't buy a goddamned used car without trying to find rust spots and busted springs!  Why the fuck should a woman take any different view when acquiring a used man?

Are there broken women out there who abuse the shit test to take out their anger on men?  Sure.  Should that ever be your problem?  Nope.

One of the best ideas to come out of Game is the notion of maintaining your state of mind.  Your frame is invincible.  Your lifestyle is solid.

There's no way you can piss and cry endlessly about "wha-wha! women are meanies!" and "feminism done broke the wimmin folk" and then turn around and even remotely pretend that you're operating in an independent state of mind.  Bullshit.  You're sallying forth and constantly fighting their war on their ground because circlejerking to the manosphere's persecution complex takes precedent over actually just living your goddamned life.  Those guys want to have that fight on those terms, because having that fight against women is more important to them than getting laid and maybe even finding a decent girl and trying to wife her the fuck up.

Maybe women wouldn't be so damned bitchy if they weren't swimming in a sea of guys who act cunty all the time and then climb up on their soap box and talk about how clear and fucking aware they are since they unplugged from the Matrix.  Pounding your keyboard commando chest and telling the world how you got wise to its bullshit is bullshit in and of itself.  No matter how wise you may be to the world and all its shortcoming, you are still in and of this world.  You're stuck with it.

You don't chasing ass with the women you want.  You go chasing ass with the women the world provides.  And crying to the refs about unfair the girls are being to you makes you a wimp.

Men with real game don't piss away their lives bitching and crying about the fall of western civilization.  They pull their shit together and they go out and approach that next girl that catches their eye.  They cut the shit and they go out into the big bad mean world filled with all the mean girls and they walk over with a smirk and a drink in their hand and they say, "Hello."

Monday, December 10, 2012

Am I a bad person? Broken?

A negative comment caught my eye, and I wanted to share it rather than let it sit buried in the archives (emphasis is my own)  :
You are a man who craves emtional warmth but does not know how to get there. You have flexed and primped yourself to be fuckable but unobtainable. Like a pornstar! Not really impressive.
you claim to be able to read women and like the feeling of knowing your effect on them but they cant "have" you. You like the fact that softer women would like to fix you. These are blatent signs of dysfunction, so much so you have pages and pages of self justification/validation. Its clear someone who loved you abandoned you emotionally at a very young age. Who was it, your mother? who rejected you to make you like this. Were you shoved into boarding school? You need to admit to yourself that you are like the women you analyse and find pathetic. A desire for a reltionship but unable. you have an inability not an ability with women. To use the term aloof gives you the misguided notion that there is somehow autonomy in your behaviour and being, but in actual fact, this is who your are-a damaged personality. You can advise other men as much as you like on how to acheive a balance with "aloofness" but the truth is this is a learnt behaviour following emotional scars, people cannot just switch on emotionally dysfunction, it has to already be there to some extent.

There's a lot to take issue with here, but overall I think the comment has quite a bit of legitimacy.

I'll take it in pieces . . .

You are a man who craves emtional warmth but does not know how to get there.
That one is fairly straight-forward.  Truth be told, I don't disagree with this one.  I just think it's something that deserves to be restated.

You have flexed and primped yourself to be fuckable but unobtainable. Like a pornstar! Not really impressive.

This one I disagree with, but it falls under the heading of you have to know me.  I'm not the preening type.  In fact, being a teenager of the 90s, I spent a good portion of my life being pretty damned bummy when you get right down to it.  Also, the impoverished upbringing didn't help.
Its clear someone who loved you abandoned you emotionally at a very young age. Who was it, your mother? who rejected you to make you like this. Were you shoved into boarding school?

I have to say this is the remark that bothers me the most.  If the commenter would have bothered to read some backstory (here) they would have realized how off-target the boarding school remark was.  "Boarding school" as a sexual insult borders on meaningless to Appalachian white trash.

I'm also rather disinclined to go after the mom. 

One, frankly, because it's a chickenshit and lazy thing to do.  If you grew up healthy in a first-world country with no real signs of abuse, give your parents some fucking credit.  Parenting is a tough racket.  And frankly, you don't really get any return on it til the little fuckers are in their 20s and crying like bitches about how hard adulthood is.

Two, because I'm a believer that a lot of male sexual dysfunction comes from early courting efforts.  Presuming no parental abuse, you learn less about a guy from his mother than you do from the first five or so girls he tried to woo.

In my case, I think I just learned the wrong lesson in my teens.  The first girl I went really hard after gave me a hard time . . . right up until I started ignoring her.  It was empowering and I never got over it. 
A desire for a reltionship but unable. you have an inability not an ability with women. To use the term aloof gives you the misguided notion that there is somehow autonomy in your behaviour and being,

First, good luck with the general issue of autonomy in any human behavior!  We humans badly over-rate just how in control we are.

As for "ability" vs "inability" . . .  ya play the cards you're dealt. 

I spent a good portion of my life feeling like a I needed to get better with women.  That's why I started reading PUA blogs. But, a funny thing hit me as I was reading all that stuff.  I kept reading about guys who wanted to be like me!

It was at that point I realized whatever issues I have, they're not those guys' issues.  I have that aloof, indifferent quality by the truckload.  For good or ill, that's an installed feature in my software.  I have it.
You can advise other men as much as you like on how to acheive a balance with "aloofness" but the truth is this is a learnt behaviour following emotional scars, people cannot just switch on emotionally dysfunction, it has to already be there to some extent
I don't really believe that's what I'm doing here.

For one, I admit a lot of what's going on here is emotional scarring.  But, truth is, that's fucking life!  We all carry emotional baggage.  It happens because shit happens. 

As for advising other guys . . . kind of . . . I do.  The big thing is that I see a lot of guys online talking about emulating guys with natural game with women.  And when it comes to being aloof and indifferent, I have a lot of natural game.

I always advise guys to not follow too far down that path.  A bit of indifference is one thing.  Being a broken person who enjoys jerking women around more than he likes fucking is a whole other ball of wax.  I would never encourage any guy to actually go as far and as hard with this type of behavior as I do.

But, like Hunter S. Thompson once said about drugs . . . I wouldn't recommend it to anyone, but aloofness has done alright by me.

And, yes, it is a drug for me.  Make no mistake about it.  

I enjoy jerking women around.  I don't particularly enjoy sex.  A single physical conquest means nothing to me.  I'll do it if it's there, but it's not what I get off on.  For me, it's the complete, broken, messy emotional surrender of a woman that gets me off.

I don't suggest that isn't some sick shit.  But, it's my sick shit and it's a big part of who I am.  Yes, I do take a kind of perverse pride in it.  That's human nature, especially among people who strongly identify themselves as outsiders.  

When I'm sitting in a bar or club, I know I'm pretty fucked up.  Have no illusions about that.  I know that it bothers other people -- I've had them tell me my behavior bothers them!  That an attractive man can sit by himself and blow off approaches by women is an extremely unconventional behavior.  

And I have had members of both sexes give me hell about it.  Guys  don't find it amusing because it shuts down the mating market for them when chicks start pining for some guy who won't just nail things down.  Women find it downright puzzling.

And it undermines a basic belief that human beings have.  People believe that attractive people have a responsibility to society to go out and be actively involved.  To confer their status upon other through friendship and sex.  Human beings, especially in the club/bar setting, trade on social capital.  And they don't like watching someone be stingy.  And the fact is, attractive men who have their shit together and can project an air of distance are the individuals who trade on the most social capital in that setting.

I have no illusions about any of this.  I realize my way is different.  I realize it can be downright upsetting to other people.  But, I'm in my mid-30s and I'm not the type to change.  It's not in my nature.

The truth is, if a few guys tripping over themselves with approach anxiety learn something from me, fuck it, that's a general good.  No one is being harmed by what I'm telling here.  Those guys who want to be more aloof are way too engaged in socialization and mating to ever get as broken as I am.  It's not gonna happen.

My behavior represents an extreme.  And just like drug addicts and daredevils, you're not encouraged to emulate aloofness too hard.  But that said, smoking a joint or exceeding the speed limit aren't the end of the world.  And neither is getting off on blowing off some chick at 2am in a bar.

So, yeah, I throw it out there.  Just make sure you have brains enough to read the warning label.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Vibe and bitchiness and game

One thing I've always struggled to get across to other people is that a woman's vibe means a lot to me.  I can find a chick aesthetically pleasing and still not be attracted to her.  I like a bit of joie de vivre, but please realize there's a difference between "fun" and "full retard".  I like a woman who is in command of herself (but let's be honest, attractive, confident women are unicorns).  Personality goes a longer way with me than it does with most guys.

When you go out anywhere enough, you will start to see the cast of characters who are the regulars, the folks who go out most every weekend.  One of the regulars I see is a chick I call Pocahontas (that was her Halloween costume this year and it stuck).

Certain women I know from the first time they eye me in the bar or club like me.  Pocahontas is one of those women.  I think I first saw her in March.  I had just stopped in to a bar because I was giving a friend a ride home from work and I was running waaaaay early getting into town. 

Pocahontas is this semi-tall (like 5'9") white chick with black hair.  Skinny, small-boobed, little bit big butt for her frame.  Not my spot-on perfect type, but in the upper fifty percent of women I find attractive.  She's a bit aloof herself.  Wears glasses.  Dressed well-enough but not a sharp dresser.  Seems a little academic or office-y.

The thing is, despite her giving a couple good looks my way, nothing fired up for me.  She's a Solid Seven.  But, there just isn't that burst.  To be blunt, she just doesn't get me going.  I've seen her around a bit since, but nothing struck me as her trying again.

I can remember seeing her around at a Halloween party.  I was dicking around BSing with the band's lead singer who I kinda knew.  We were ripping on everyone that went past.  And Pocahontas -- in costume -- went out to shove her friend into a car.  Me and the singer were ripping on them for being drunk and I said something to the effect that she sure seemed a bit bitchy.  Pocahontas heard this, looked off and resumed stuffing her friend in the car.

So . . . not a lot going on there, right?

Thing is, this last weekend I was out and I saw her again.  She was bouncing around to several guys but not settling in with any one.  I saw she noticed me, but I didn't think much of it.  Toward the end of the night, two of her friends made separate passes by me.  The one just did a quick orbit approach, nothing more.  The second girl went for direct eye contact, a smile, shaking her shoulders and hands dancing.  The first one I kinda liked, but she had a real "kill me" vibe.  The second one was pudgy and had a piss poor blue dye job that was half roots . . .

I went outside for some air just a bit before closing time.  A few minutes later, Pocahontas comes out and walks slow kind of toward me, but also past me.  She looks like she wants to say something.  She's making direct eye contact.  It looks a bit like how you approach a friend's dog for the first time after he's told you the dog is friendly.  Cautious, but not wary.

Finally, when she get right in front of me, she looks over her should and says, "Goodnight."  And she slows down for a second, but keeps moving.  I grumble something between a yeah and blurg.  A yurg.

She just keeps on going to her vehicle and leaves a few minutes later (we live in the North . . . November means letting a car warm up).  So, that was weird.

What I have learned over a lifetime is this kind of approach is what a girl does when she really likes you, but she's trying to induce you into approaching her.  She's essentially making it known.  She's worried that she's invisible to you.  She's hoping that maybe if she just pops her head up enough that she'll show up on your radar and open her sometime in the future.

A lot of Girl Game is about inducing guys into acting.  Girls like the thrill of being approached.  They enjoy the validation of having a guy they like approach them.  Bonus points if he's a guy her friends liked.  Further bonus points if they tried to approach him (remember, in girl logic orbits and low passes count as approaches).

The thing is, women have no clue what to do with aloof guys.  But, the large majority of women are going to fall down on the side of preserving their feminine dignity.  And a big part of that is the idea that she has to get him to approach her.  Even if she has to provide him a paint-by-numbers kit. 

That's where these things go.  Pocahontas likes me.  But, she's very tepid because she's not sure she's even on my radar (she is, but she's being treated as a flock of seagulls and not a legitimate target).  So, she's trying to pop her head up and see if anything registers. 

It's weird.  But, it's how women work.  They want to be approached.  They want to maintain the pretense of their female dignity.  But, if they really like you, they will start trying to lay down an idiot-proof path for you.

As always, though, women underestimate the capacity of men to not get it.  Or, in my case, my capacity to get it, ignore it, enjoy being chased, jerk her around and just see long I can play with her before she breaks.

I'm a bit intrigued to see where this goes with her. 

My experience tells me her next move will be to try to fabricate a conversation.  That's tough because we don't overlap socially.  And I am a hard guy to just approach, even under the false pretense of simple conversation.  So, unless I miss her and end up accidentally standing next to her without realizing it, I'm not sure how she aims to go about initiating that conversation.

We'll see.  I'm interested to see if a tepid female can make that leap.  And if so, how does she go about it?