Monday, December 31, 2012

One of the best comments on Game ever

This right here:

A habitually cynical outlook. A continual view of sexual life as a matter of full-fledged conflict between the sexes.

I talk about this "Game" and "PUA" stuff more than I probably should.  One of the great problems of the modern age is that so much of our vocabulary is informed by people trying to penetrate the mainstream from a fringe position.  And the "manosphere" that surrounds "Game" on the internet is a clusterfuck of competing fringe positions jockeying to own the modern definition of manhood.

What's worse is that they aren't wrong about the problem.  Modern western civilization has broken too much of how we define both men and women.  And of course every generation finds innovative ways to continue the war between the sexes.

One of the biggest problem about the war between the sexes is that it is just a time-honored tradition that every human generation, by the simple fact that they are in the process of producing a further generation, rinses and repeats without fail.  It's not a fixable problem.  Why?  Because it's a feature, not a bug.

Sexual tension is just part of the human condition.  There are winners and there are losers.  And pretty much everyone gets to come up a loser all the time.  But, not everyone gets to come up a winner at least once.

There is nothing wrong with Game in the sense that losers are stopping, examining their shit and recalibrating their approach.  There's nothing wrong with fat guys running sprints.  There's nothing wrong with skinny guys eating protein and hitting the weights.  There's nothing wrong with dorky guys sorting their shit out and learning how to talk to girls.

Up to that point, the net value of the conversation on the internet is a positive thing.

Where things go south is when the losers stop really trying to recalibrate and instead start trying to assign blame to the opposite sex.  What's worse is that a lot of manosphere is conservative-leaning (in the American sense) and has a bit of an underlying political agenda.  Frankly, there's a lot of misogynistic shit out there.  There's a lot of racist shit out there.  There's a lot of angry dudes muttering about libruls and feminists and the nanny state.

None of that has anything to do with getting laid.  It has little to do with forming a stable long-term relationship.  And in some cases it's just downright toxic and counter-productive.

Worse, there are a lot of guys whose defeats with women seem to have left them at the point that the only relationships they can have with a women are antagonistic.  Essentially, they can't function around a woman unless they are putting her down.

I'm a fairly liberal guy.  So, obviously, I come a little predisposed to want to filter out the right-wing chaff from the actual good stuff in Game.

The funny thing is, I like strong women.  I like women that can throw back a bit in verbal combat.

Now, those are the same women that manosphere types bitch endlessly about.  "The shit test" is an article of faith.  And worse, it's the fucking first sacrament of woman-hating.  Guys who lose in pre-Game awareness harbor a lot of bullshit into their Game aware lifestyle.  That shit has to stop.

There's nothing wrong with the notorious shit tests women put on for men.  Why the fuck should a woman assume your game is tight without poking around and looking for holes?  You wouldn't buy a goddamned used car without trying to find rust spots and busted springs!  Why the fuck should a woman take any different view when acquiring a used man?

Are there broken women out there who abuse the shit test to take out their anger on men?  Sure.  Should that ever be your problem?  Nope.

One of the best ideas to come out of Game is the notion of maintaining your state of mind.  Your frame is invincible.  Your lifestyle is solid.

There's no way you can piss and cry endlessly about "wha-wha! women are meanies!" and "feminism done broke the wimmin folk" and then turn around and even remotely pretend that you're operating in an independent state of mind.  Bullshit.  You're sallying forth and constantly fighting their war on their ground because circlejerking to the manosphere's persecution complex takes precedent over actually just living your goddamned life.  Those guys want to have that fight on those terms, because having that fight against women is more important to them than getting laid and maybe even finding a decent girl and trying to wife her the fuck up.

Maybe women wouldn't be so damned bitchy if they weren't swimming in a sea of guys who act cunty all the time and then climb up on their soap box and talk about how clear and fucking aware they are since they unplugged from the Matrix.  Pounding your keyboard commando chest and telling the world how you got wise to its bullshit is bullshit in and of itself.  No matter how wise you may be to the world and all its shortcoming, you are still in and of this world.  You're stuck with it.

You don't chasing ass with the women you want.  You go chasing ass with the women the world provides.  And crying to the refs about unfair the girls are being to you makes you a wimp.

Men with real game don't piss away their lives bitching and crying about the fall of western civilization.  They pull their shit together and they go out and approach that next girl that catches their eye.  They cut the shit and they go out into the big bad mean world filled with all the mean girls and they walk over with a smirk and a drink in their hand and they say, "Hello."

Monday, December 10, 2012

Am I a bad person? Broken?

A negative comment caught my eye, and I wanted to share it rather than let it sit buried in the archives (emphasis is my own)  :
You are a man who craves emtional warmth but does not know how to get there. You have flexed and primped yourself to be fuckable but unobtainable. Like a pornstar! Not really impressive.
you claim to be able to read women and like the feeling of knowing your effect on them but they cant "have" you. You like the fact that softer women would like to fix you. These are blatent signs of dysfunction, so much so you have pages and pages of self justification/validation. Its clear someone who loved you abandoned you emotionally at a very young age. Who was it, your mother? who rejected you to make you like this. Were you shoved into boarding school? You need to admit to yourself that you are like the women you analyse and find pathetic. A desire for a reltionship but unable. you have an inability not an ability with women. To use the term aloof gives you the misguided notion that there is somehow autonomy in your behaviour and being, but in actual fact, this is who your are-a damaged personality. You can advise other men as much as you like on how to acheive a balance with "aloofness" but the truth is this is a learnt behaviour following emotional scars, people cannot just switch on emotionally dysfunction, it has to already be there to some extent.

There's a lot to take issue with here, but overall I think the comment has quite a bit of legitimacy.

I'll take it in pieces . . .

You are a man who craves emtional warmth but does not know how to get there.
That one is fairly straight-forward.  Truth be told, I don't disagree with this one.  I just think it's something that deserves to be restated.

You have flexed and primped yourself to be fuckable but unobtainable. Like a pornstar! Not really impressive.

This one I disagree with, but it falls under the heading of you have to know me.  I'm not the preening type.  In fact, being a teenager of the 90s, I spent a good portion of my life being pretty damned bummy when you get right down to it.  Also, the impoverished upbringing didn't help.
Its clear someone who loved you abandoned you emotionally at a very young age. Who was it, your mother? who rejected you to make you like this. Were you shoved into boarding school?

I have to say this is the remark that bothers me the most.  If the commenter would have bothered to read some backstory (here) they would have realized how off-target the boarding school remark was.  "Boarding school" as a sexual insult borders on meaningless to Appalachian white trash.

I'm also rather disinclined to go after the mom. 

One, frankly, because it's a chickenshit and lazy thing to do.  If you grew up healthy in a first-world country with no real signs of abuse, give your parents some fucking credit.  Parenting is a tough racket.  And frankly, you don't really get any return on it til the little fuckers are in their 20s and crying like bitches about how hard adulthood is.

Two, because I'm a believer that a lot of male sexual dysfunction comes from early courting efforts.  Presuming no parental abuse, you learn less about a guy from his mother than you do from the first five or so girls he tried to woo.

In my case, I think I just learned the wrong lesson in my teens.  The first girl I went really hard after gave me a hard time . . . right up until I started ignoring her.  It was empowering and I never got over it. 
A desire for a reltionship but unable. you have an inability not an ability with women. To use the term aloof gives you the misguided notion that there is somehow autonomy in your behaviour and being,

First, good luck with the general issue of autonomy in any human behavior!  We humans badly over-rate just how in control we are.

As for "ability" vs "inability" . . .  ya play the cards you're dealt. 

I spent a good portion of my life feeling like a I needed to get better with women.  That's why I started reading PUA blogs. But, a funny thing hit me as I was reading all that stuff.  I kept reading about guys who wanted to be like me!

It was at that point I realized whatever issues I have, they're not those guys' issues.  I have that aloof, indifferent quality by the truckload.  For good or ill, that's an installed feature in my software.  I have it.
You can advise other men as much as you like on how to acheive a balance with "aloofness" but the truth is this is a learnt behaviour following emotional scars, people cannot just switch on emotionally dysfunction, it has to already be there to some extent
I don't really believe that's what I'm doing here.

For one, I admit a lot of what's going on here is emotional scarring.  But, truth is, that's fucking life!  We all carry emotional baggage.  It happens because shit happens. 

As for advising other guys . . . kind of . . . I do.  The big thing is that I see a lot of guys online talking about emulating guys with natural game with women.  And when it comes to being aloof and indifferent, I have a lot of natural game.

I always advise guys to not follow too far down that path.  A bit of indifference is one thing.  Being a broken person who enjoys jerking women around more than he likes fucking is a whole other ball of wax.  I would never encourage any guy to actually go as far and as hard with this type of behavior as I do.

But, like Hunter S. Thompson once said about drugs . . . I wouldn't recommend it to anyone, but aloofness has done alright by me.

And, yes, it is a drug for me.  Make no mistake about it.  

I enjoy jerking women around.  I don't particularly enjoy sex.  A single physical conquest means nothing to me.  I'll do it if it's there, but it's not what I get off on.  For me, it's the complete, broken, messy emotional surrender of a woman that gets me off.

I don't suggest that isn't some sick shit.  But, it's my sick shit and it's a big part of who I am.  Yes, I do take a kind of perverse pride in it.  That's human nature, especially among people who strongly identify themselves as outsiders.  

When I'm sitting in a bar or club, I know I'm pretty fucked up.  Have no illusions about that.  I know that it bothers other people -- I've had them tell me my behavior bothers them!  That an attractive man can sit by himself and blow off approaches by women is an extremely unconventional behavior.  

And I have had members of both sexes give me hell about it.  Guys  don't find it amusing because it shuts down the mating market for them when chicks start pining for some guy who won't just nail things down.  Women find it downright puzzling.

And it undermines a basic belief that human beings have.  People believe that attractive people have a responsibility to society to go out and be actively involved.  To confer their status upon other through friendship and sex.  Human beings, especially in the club/bar setting, trade on social capital.  And they don't like watching someone be stingy.  And the fact is, attractive men who have their shit together and can project an air of distance are the individuals who trade on the most social capital in that setting.

I have no illusions about any of this.  I realize my way is different.  I realize it can be downright upsetting to other people.  But, I'm in my mid-30s and I'm not the type to change.  It's not in my nature.

The truth is, if a few guys tripping over themselves with approach anxiety learn something from me, fuck it, that's a general good.  No one is being harmed by what I'm telling here.  Those guys who want to be more aloof are way too engaged in socialization and mating to ever get as broken as I am.  It's not gonna happen.

My behavior represents an extreme.  And just like drug addicts and daredevils, you're not encouraged to emulate aloofness too hard.  But that said, smoking a joint or exceeding the speed limit aren't the end of the world.  And neither is getting off on blowing off some chick at 2am in a bar.

So, yeah, I throw it out there.  Just make sure you have brains enough to read the warning label.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Vibe and bitchiness and game

One thing I've always struggled to get across to other people is that a woman's vibe means a lot to me.  I can find a chick aesthetically pleasing and still not be attracted to her.  I like a bit of joie de vivre, but please realize there's a difference between "fun" and "full retard".  I like a woman who is in command of herself (but let's be honest, attractive, confident women are unicorns).  Personality goes a longer way with me than it does with most guys.

When you go out anywhere enough, you will start to see the cast of characters who are the regulars, the folks who go out most every weekend.  One of the regulars I see is a chick I call Pocahontas (that was her Halloween costume this year and it stuck).

Certain women I know from the first time they eye me in the bar or club like me.  Pocahontas is one of those women.  I think I first saw her in March.  I had just stopped in to a bar because I was giving a friend a ride home from work and I was running waaaaay early getting into town. 

Pocahontas is this semi-tall (like 5'9") white chick with black hair.  Skinny, small-boobed, little bit big butt for her frame.  Not my spot-on perfect type, but in the upper fifty percent of women I find attractive.  She's a bit aloof herself.  Wears glasses.  Dressed well-enough but not a sharp dresser.  Seems a little academic or office-y.

The thing is, despite her giving a couple good looks my way, nothing fired up for me.  She's a Solid Seven.  But, there just isn't that burst.  To be blunt, she just doesn't get me going.  I've seen her around a bit since, but nothing struck me as her trying again.

I can remember seeing her around at a Halloween party.  I was dicking around BSing with the band's lead singer who I kinda knew.  We were ripping on everyone that went past.  And Pocahontas -- in costume -- went out to shove her friend into a car.  Me and the singer were ripping on them for being drunk and I said something to the effect that she sure seemed a bit bitchy.  Pocahontas heard this, looked off and resumed stuffing her friend in the car.

So . . . not a lot going on there, right?

Thing is, this last weekend I was out and I saw her again.  She was bouncing around to several guys but not settling in with any one.  I saw she noticed me, but I didn't think much of it.  Toward the end of the night, two of her friends made separate passes by me.  The one just did a quick orbit approach, nothing more.  The second girl went for direct eye contact, a smile, shaking her shoulders and hands dancing.  The first one I kinda liked, but she had a real "kill me" vibe.  The second one was pudgy and had a piss poor blue dye job that was half roots . . .

I went outside for some air just a bit before closing time.  A few minutes later, Pocahontas comes out and walks slow kind of toward me, but also past me.  She looks like she wants to say something.  She's making direct eye contact.  It looks a bit like how you approach a friend's dog for the first time after he's told you the dog is friendly.  Cautious, but not wary.

Finally, when she get right in front of me, she looks over her should and says, "Goodnight."  And she slows down for a second, but keeps moving.  I grumble something between a yeah and blurg.  A yurg.

She just keeps on going to her vehicle and leaves a few minutes later (we live in the North . . . November means letting a car warm up).  So, that was weird.

What I have learned over a lifetime is this kind of approach is what a girl does when she really likes you, but she's trying to induce you into approaching her.  She's essentially making it known.  She's worried that she's invisible to you.  She's hoping that maybe if she just pops her head up enough that she'll show up on your radar and open her sometime in the future.

A lot of Girl Game is about inducing guys into acting.  Girls like the thrill of being approached.  They enjoy the validation of having a guy they like approach them.  Bonus points if he's a guy her friends liked.  Further bonus points if they tried to approach him (remember, in girl logic orbits and low passes count as approaches).

The thing is, women have no clue what to do with aloof guys.  But, the large majority of women are going to fall down on the side of preserving their feminine dignity.  And a big part of that is the idea that she has to get him to approach her.  Even if she has to provide him a paint-by-numbers kit. 

That's where these things go.  Pocahontas likes me.  But, she's very tepid because she's not sure she's even on my radar (she is, but she's being treated as a flock of seagulls and not a legitimate target).  So, she's trying to pop her head up and see if anything registers. 

It's weird.  But, it's how women work.  They want to be approached.  They want to maintain the pretense of their female dignity.  But, if they really like you, they will start trying to lay down an idiot-proof path for you.

As always, though, women underestimate the capacity of men to not get it.  Or, in my case, my capacity to get it, ignore it, enjoy being chased, jerk her around and just see long I can play with her before she breaks.

I'm a bit intrigued to see where this goes with her. 

My experience tells me her next move will be to try to fabricate a conversation.  That's tough because we don't overlap socially.  And I am a hard guy to just approach, even under the false pretense of simple conversation.  So, unless I miss her and end up accidentally standing next to her without realizing it, I'm not sure how she aims to go about initiating that conversation.

We'll see.  I'm interested to see if a tepid female can make that leap.  And if so, how does she go about it?

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

How she rates herself matters more than how you rate her

Something I've realized in recent months is that a lot of male-female social-sexual interactions begin with how she rates herself on the Ten-Point Scale of the sexual marketplace.

Any negotiation ever has to have a starting point.  Someone has to take a hostage and threaten to blow their brains all over the wall before a hostage negotiation can begin.  Someone has to own stock to initiate a hostile takeover.  And in sex, someone has to do the approach and the the person being approached has to make a snap judgment about the likely success of said approach.

In the male-female dynamic, all interactions begin with her rating of herself.  This is because most approaches are done by men.  The party with the right of first rejection is the female, by default.

The thing is, this clouds women's judgment when they openly approach guys.  Women don't open approach often.  Meaning, they're not accustomed to conceding the right of first refusal to the man.

Worse, women begin with the default assumption that all men, when offered sex, will take it.  So, when a woman approaches a man, she assumes he will engage her.  And once he does that, she will retake the right of refusal.

That's where aloofness throws things wildly out of whack.

One thing that still kinda kills me about this blog is that the audience skews a tad female.  Very simply put, blogs where guys talk about their sex lives don't skew female.  That's just a fact of the universe.

What fascinates women about aloof men?

That's the essence of the great question so many of you gals google to get here.  Women love aloof men.  That's my baseline assumption.  Aloof men tie women in knots.  And when women are emotional knotted up, their entire system overloads and they can't quite process anything except how much they want that guy.

So, what's the deal?

1. Women who encounter an aloof male fail to comprehend how much power they're conceding to him without firing a single shot.

Women have so brutally internalized the notion that all men want to fuck all women that the possibility some man out there doesn't want to fuck her isn't even shuffled into the deck of cards.  It's like expecting a 15th Century Pope to mention quantum entanglement without any prompting or previous education to that effect.  It's just not there.  It's like a pre-9/11 airport versus a post-9/11 airport.  It requires a radical information shift.

2.  Women begin with their own rating of themselves.

Women have a sense of their own sexual value in their heads.  This SMP value guides which men they will respond to and which men they won't.  This is why pick-up artists teach the idea of negging and demonstrating high value.  You want to drag her SMP value down and push yours up.  A half point each way and pretty soon a 5.5 male is banging an 8.5 female, because they've each shifted their frame enough to consider each other in-bounds for sexual participation.

This is why women often tear each other down.  Women covertly game each other in the hope of depriving their competitors -- including their friends -- of sexual opportunity.  Essentially, they want to get other women so depressed that they never take a shot at that hot guy, thus leaving him available.

3. Part of how we rate ourselves begins with trying to seduce challenging sexual options.

One thing that sucks about life is that we don't really know our precise SMP value score.  We have a rough hint of it based on who tries to fuck us and who we try to fuck and what the outcomes are.

This is one of the reason that human beings place so much emphasis on homosocialization.  Humans crave feedback about our sexual accomplishments.  The reason is simple: we're trying to achieve as close to an optimal reproductive outcome as we can.

But, sex occurs in an information poor environment.  Especially on the female side.


How, says you?  Well, female sexuality is a lot more adaptive.

Women have a baseline notion of physical male perfection that hasn't changed much over the centuries.  You look at ancient depictions of male sexualization and they pretty closely mirror modern underwear advertisements.  That's radically different than male sexuality, which goes through many phases valuing plumper, skinnier or (presently) more athletic women.

Thing is, women don't stop anywhere near as close to that baseline socialized norm of sexiness as men do.

Men pretty much favor the homosocialized norm for their ethnic group and only fudge a tad.  This is where stupid shit like black guys liking big booty girls and white guys liking dainty little miss thangs comes from.  Men are socialized to sexualize.  Whatever that socialization is plunks them right down in their range of sexual preferences til the day they die.

Women expand far beyond the homosocial baseline in valuing a man.  Women value wealth.  Intelligence.  Sense of humor.  Social grouping.  Those things are all fungible and sometimes outright malleable. 

The evolutionary basis is obvious in the sexual imperative for each gender.

The male imperative is to plant his seed and see the child carried to term.  Preferably he'd like to see the child get to an age where it can moderately look after itself, but the family support structure around the woman is expected (ideally, but not as often in real life) to pick up the slack if the relationship deteriorates and mommy and daddy part ways.

The female imperative, on the other hand, is to obtain a mate who can provide both good genetics and resources.  This weights female sexuality strongly toward the high-end of the social hierarchy.

Problem is, hierarchies are subject to change.  What worked for her mom may not work for her.  Wars happen.  Leaders rise and are overthrown.  Last year's strong male is next year's disgraced dictator in exile.

The female is going to seek out a successful male who can navigate the treacheries of the hierarchy.  That requires social skills and intelligence far more than physical strength.  Strength is nice, but 20-inch guns don't stop a lynch mob when the hierarchy goes down hard.

Our friend, the sense of humor

This is why women looooove a sense of humor.  Humor represents the confluence of social skills and intelligence.  This is why nerds get bullied -- they have the intelligence, but they lack the social skills.  This is why clowns never get ahead -- they have dancing monkey social skills but they lack the intelligence to capitalize on them.

Every time a man uses his sense of humor, he is either asserting his place in the hierarchy OR he is challenging it.  This is why alpha jocks shit on weak nerds -- it's about letting them know who's on top and who isn't.

But, it's also why the aloof outsider is so very damned sexy.

Aloof attraction as a buy-low strategy

The sexy aloof outsider is man capable of leading the next revolution.  It's why Che Guevara is still a sex symbol decades after his death.  Women see the aloof outsider as a value investment, in purest sense of the word as conceived by Warren Buffet.

Break the aloof outsider down into his pieces:

1.  He can survive as an outsider.

That's important.  He's not a weak beta male simpering along quietly at the edge of the tribe.  He's actually kind of a loud dick who gets away with subverting the alphas.

This works two-fold.  It's also a covering bet.  If he fails to overthrow the alphas, he still stands a good chance of living to fight another day.  He has the gift of being too clever for the mob and the powers that be.

2.  He can be had cheaper than the alphas.

Alpha male has to be shared.  The odds that you're going to be his "Number One Ho" are low.

The aloof outsider, on the other hand, has not accumulated power.  That's the downside.  The upside is, he also has not accumulated a harem.

So, if a female can angle to get her in on the ground floor with the aloof guy, she has a shot at being the next queen of the tribe.  There's a lot of upside to nailing down a good man before he catches his big break.  You get him cheap and then you lay waste to every woman around him.  Done right, you have the resources of the entire tribe all concentrated for yourself and your offspring.

In other words, played right, the aloof male of tomorrow can cheaply exceed the alpha male of today.

Approaching the aloof guy

When a woman approaches a guy, she's all but conceding he's out of her range, per the Two-Point Rule.  It's a gambit.

She sees a guy who is an 8.5.  She rates herself a solid six.  She sees two or three other chicks that are solid sevens in the club that night (it's a slow club on a shitty night in a crappy part of the country).

She knows by the basic math that he's not going to approach her.  If he's in an approaching mode, Mr. 8.5 is going to approach the solid sevens, not the solid sixes.

Worse, the sevens are going to notice him.  But, because they're in his 2-pt range, they're going to use the girl approach of choice: indirect approach by way of orbiting.  Women's egos won't suffer directly opening guys in their 2-pt range.  The sevens will orbit Mr 8.5 in the hope he gets the hint and approaches them.

In order to win, Solid Six has to hijack the game

This is why the Solid Six decides to throw homosocialization overboardThe homosocial norm is a losing game for her.  She sees the aloof male and knows the upsides.  She also knows who her competition is.

And she also knows their weakness : the Solid Sevens are rarely going to open the aloof male unless he's damn near a full 10.

So, the Solid Six plays hardball.  She directly opens Mr 8.5.

Again, there's a lot of upside in this plan.  Also, based on the assumption that all men want to fuck all women, there's little downside.  She believes he will fuck her.  She knows he's easily worth the aggressive play.  She knows her competitors won't lower themselves to opening him directly.

And this is why there's slut shaming

The Solid Six's direct approach is the reason we shame sluts.  Again, the assumption is that all men will fuck all women, given the opportunity.  So, the Solid Six has no rational reason to not just offer herself up to a superior male.  There's no math that goes against saying "fuck those bitches, I'm gonna bed this guy".

Except, every single woman she knows will fucking destroy her socially.

This is why women complain so vociferously about men who fuck skanks.  As a guy, if women are complaining that you fuck skanks, what they really mean is "you could do better, so goddammit, engage in a ridiculous protracted pursuit of me instead of any easy pursuit of her".  Sluts are viewed as free-riders.  And tribes destroy free-riders without mercy.

For the high-end male, it's important to understand that every woman around you is gaming everyone in sight.  The Solid Six is trying to plow through a obvious flaw in how the Solid Sevens play.  The Solid Sevens are trying to shame the Solid Six into not doing it under some flawed notion of morality.  Everyone is trying to hijack the system to gain the best possible mate.

Circling back to the point

This is why everything begins with her rating of herself.

The odds that she will engage you begin with how close you are to her SMP value.  Are you in striking range?

If she's at the edge of your range, she's trying to sneak under the radar without being brutalized out of the tribe as a slut.  Ideally, she can play it off and make it look like it was your idea.  She'll pretend she wasn't so slutty.  She wants everyone else to approve.  And then she wants you to lock it down and give her the chance to fuck you senseless, cook for you, bath you, fold your laundry and then say "But, what could I do?  This big, sexy man wanted me.  Who are you all filthy fucking hateful shit-eating jealous whores to question his judgment?"

Played right, the Solid Six gains the upper hand.  She gets the guy.  And she also gets the dark pleasure of trashing all those Other Bitches.  She gets to go on Facebook and out them as hateful jealous cunts who are trying to steal her man.  In short, she ascends to Girl Heaven.

If she's within your range, she's trying to induce you into approaching.  She wants you to tip your hand.

First off, by approaching her, you validate her assessment of her own value.  Her score is now locked in on the board.

This is why men bitch relentlessly about women letting themselves go once they have a man.  Women feel they deserves their final score til the end of time.  Men feel like she's free-riding on a score she no longer deserves.

This is also why women so brutally shame men for pointing out that lots of women become fat fucking hags.  In this case, the Solid Seven eats herself into a Barely Passable Four-Point-Five.  For her, it's a great deal.  She gets fat and eats donuts all day and watches soap operas.  If he complains, a flash mob of angry friends will appear to call him an evil cheating no good sexist piece of shit.

So, her scored is locked in now that he has approached her.  She wins the first round by default.

But, his value is still subject to change.  First off, she wants to confirm that her rating of him was right.  Maybe he's a good looking retard.  Maybe he's a former alpha -- a deposed dictator whose Swiss bank accounts have been raided by the World Bank.  She wants to verify that he has the goods.

This is what shit testing is about.  Is he clever?  Is his game tight?  Does he have real social skills?  Does he seem to have wealth?  Is he as sexy as his baseline suggests?  Is her -- cross your fingers -- sexier than his baseline?

If he goes down in value, how much?  A dumb hot guy still has value.  Let's call this the Ryan Lochte Rule.  Sure, Ryan Lochte will lose to Ryan Gosling any day of the week -- Gosling can do long division while Lochte wears adult diapers while he sleeps, ferfucksake!  But, what are her chances of being able to toss off a retarded 9 in the hopes of landing a brilliant 10?

That's why her opening score matters so much.  If she's a 10, then forget the dimwitted 9.  She might as well play for a smart 10.  If she's a soft 8, maybe the dimwitted 9 gets a try-out.  Who knows, maybe he's sneaky smart?  After all, NFL players get laid all the time.

And that's what makes aloof guys so very fucking great

The thing with an aloof man is that women start getting concerned that the aloof guy knows something she doesn't know.  If he's Mr 8.5 and she's well within his range, then why isn't he dry humping her, a lovely Solid Seven, at the first chance he gets?

Is he holding out on her?  Does he know he can do better?  Does he have such serious upside socially or  economically that he knows he can do better?

And if so, why the fuck isn't he beating everyone over the head with it?!

And that makes Miss Solid Seven suddenly really want to know what's going on.  Why is this aloof guy so damned aloof?  What is he hiding?  Just how fucking big is this Scrooge McDuck vault he has?  Just how many shares of Facebook did this prick get during start-up funding?  Just how many powerful politicians does this guy talk to every morning before getting in his car?

Worse!!!  Just how big are the tits on the last Full-on Ten he banged?  How many Full-on Tens has he banged?  How many other Solid Sevens are begging for his alpha dick every weekend?

And that's where the aloof male breaks women down.  They know something's up.  If he were a beta pussy, he'd break.  He's tip his hand.  He'd overplay his game and she'd know it and kick his ass to the curb for thinking he was so fucking suave.

Women believe their intuitive guess is spot-on

One of the big weaknesses Girl Game has is that women have a terribly miscalibrated notion of just how easily they can spot weak males.

You can't blame women for this attitude.  Think how many dorky guys take a run at her at work.  Thin how many drunk, stumbling dancing monkeys try to grind her at the club.  Think how many weak ass old men hit on her when she sits down at the bar.

The world, the whole way to the horizon, is crowded with weak men pissing away her time.  It's wall-to-wall with losers, creeps, weaklings, gross old guys, pervy young guys, horny dweebs, needy nerds -- all trying to fake her out hard in the desperate hope she's off her game and they get a chance at plunging their seed into her womb.  Hell, it's why every healthy, sane adult single woman uses contraception.  And it's why abortion will always remain legal somewhere that all women can fly or drive to.

Every woman expects losers to go try-hard and fuck up her life if she's off her game.

And even once you get past the losers, let's not overlook the false alphas.  

How many whiny muscle betas do you think have left her disappointed by sobbing relentlessly the first time she threatened to leave?  How many tattooed, jobless fuck-ups do you think rocked her uterus and left her trying to figure out why she couldn't quit them?  How many good providers do you think got her backstage concert tickets and then barely failed to get her wet when they got back to the hotel room?

Women smell loser all the time.  It's pretty much the default scent of humanity as far as they can tell.

And this creates a giant misperception in women.  Women believe they can flush out weak males.  So, by default, any male who can't be flushed out with basic Girl Game is an alpha male until proven otherwise.

And that's why aloof males mop up hard.  Aloof behavior bypasses a woman's entire shit detection system.  She takes a hard run at him, inviting him to expose himself as a loser.  He blows it off.  She tries again.  He blows it off.  She tries again.

And then she turns into a quivering, mentally unstable mass.

Game.  Set.  Match.  Aloof guy wins.

Friday, October 26, 2012

Why so aloof? Sometimes I'm just being me

Yesterday's post let a particular encounter hang so that I could focus on telling one story.  If you need some additional context, go read that post first.  Anyhow . . . let's pick up the hanging thread . . .

This woman was sitting at a table at the bar with about six of her friends.  A couple other chicks were popping in and out on the conversation, too.  I wasn't particularly interested in any of the chicks at the table, although I was monitoring one of their additional friends who was hitting on a guy I kinda knew.  I was waiting for him to fail out, although by the time that actually happened she had left him behind in the parking lot and I ended up giving him ride.  Stupid world.

One of the dangers of going solo out to the bar or the club is that women will notice you by yourself and decide to engage you.  This doesn't sound like a big deal, but I am a believer that women who directly approach guys are almost always trying to jump past the Two-Point Rule.  I also seem to be the object of a lot of old-fashioned dares when women go out in drunken groups.

Whatever the case, one of the women in the group comes over and opens me as I'm sitting by myself.  She's actually not that bad looking.  A little bigger in the butt and chest, but she did have an actual curvy figure -- ya know, as opposed to a "curvy means fat" figure.  She's clearly in her mid-30s.  On balance, she's the kind of chick I might screw if I'm just having a bad night and don't care much.  Most days, she won't get much play.

Still standing, she positions herself with her butt barely rubbing against the inside of my left thigh and starts talking to me.  Usual boring shit.  "Do you like this music?"

She asks me why I'm sitting by myself.  I answer that's just how I am.  I'm fairly disengaged at this point.  Not even making an effort to maintain eye contact -- BTW, this is only a good tactic if you're up against a woman who already is in the bag for you.

She goes through the rotisserie of questions.

"Where your wife?"  Nothing like an informative question and a shit test all rolled in one.  I tell her I'm not married.

"Well, where's your girlfriend?"  Not dating.

"Do you have any kids?"  Nope.  (This is the kind of question that only two 30+ people will ever exchange.)

"How old are you?"  34.

She stops and smiles a bit and laughs.  She says, "I'm 36.  I thought you were a bit older than me."  Nothing wrong with that, I said.

How women treat age difference

I want to pause here and talking a bit about how women approach the problem of the unknowable age difference when they approach a guy.  The age thing can feel a bit like an insult or shit test.  It isn't.  Stop hyperventilating.

When women guess a guy's age, they essentially frame the guess as something that puts the guy in-bounds.  Which usually means taking her own age and adding a couple years.  Two to six years above her age is a fair approximation.

I can recall a 25 year old who approach me a while back.  She tried to ferret out my age by asking if I went to school with someone she knew.  I told her I'm a bit older than that.  It didn't phase her.

Likewise, I can remember a 40 year old framing the question as "people our age".

The only big exception is if she's way younger than you.  I can remember a 20 year old who pushed her guess of my age into the 27 to 29 range.  There she's essentially trying to keep the guess at the edge of acceptable.

Bear in mind, if a woman is directly approaching you, she doesn't give a fuck what your age is, whether you're younger or older than her.

In the case of the 36 year old chick, she remain undeterred.  In fact, I think she was a bit proud of herself for going after a slightly younger guy than her.

She then drops a hint that she'd like me to join her friends.  She says something to the effect of "It's so loud over her.  That's why me and my friends sit further away from the DJ."  I shrug it off.

This broke her frame a bit.  She outright asked me, "Are you sure you don't just want me to leave you alone?"

I could have done without her.  Especially with her yelling so loud because of the music.  But, I'm not one to overtly knock a woman's ego down.  So, I responded, "I'm not telling you to leave."  Nice non-committal answer.

She stopped talking for a bit and kind of stood there dancing.  She was trying to gauge my appetite for physical contact.  I eased my leg into her a bit and let my hand brush her butt.  Figured I throw her bone.  Again, I was neither pro nor con on this woman.

I looked down her top.  At this point I could see her hand drift toward my crotch, but she just barely stopped short of actual groping.  She thought better of such an aggressive move.

She opted to turn the conversation to alcohol.  "You're drinking nothing but beer.  What?  Can you hold your liquor?!"

Ah!  The challenge the guy trick.  I may have underestimated this MILFy gal.  She knows more game than I would have guessed.

I answered, "I only drink light beer these days.  I'm trying to lose weight."

"You look fine to me!" she blurts out.  Again, I shrug it off and conversation dies a bit.  I tell her I need to piss.  She tells me she's going to go over to her friends, but she'll be back.

So, I take my piss and grab another beer and return to my seat.  She gives it a couple minutes before she drifts back over.  Her next statement's a bit gameless: "I thought you had left.  I didn't figure you were coming back."

I say something to the extent of "Why would you think that?"  She pretty much shrugs it off.

She looks over at her friends with the classic "Yeah!  I can't believe I'm doing this either!  But it's working!" face.  They don't look as convinced.  I'm guessing they read the extreme neutrality of my responses.

She says, "I don't come out here very often.  We're out celebrating my birthday."  I nod.

She says, "I'd ask you to do shots with us, but I'm guessing since you're only drinking light beer that's not going to happen."  I tell her she is correct.

When older women try to get you drinking more

In my experience, if an older woman tries to get booze into you, it's because she's basically playing Creepy Old Guy Game.  This isn't that dissimilar from when old child molesters offer young teens alcohol.  It's a sign that she's losing confidence.  With an older woman, it's also a sign that the pussy is entirely yours for the taking.

The only disappointing thing with this is they often repeat the offer.  At this point, it's a major sign of self-doubt.  It's pretty much the female equivalent of just giving up and saying, "So? Wanna fuck?"

She then proceeds to complain about how younger guys are always coming up to her but she just blows them off because they're just looking for the pussy.  (BTW, those are her words, not mine.  She did use the word "pussy".)  I pretty much ignored the remark, since what I really wanted to say was, "And you're here just trying to ride the D."

This was another sign that her frame was breaking down.  When women tout their sexuality -- particularly if they are touting how many guys they can get, it's because they're trying to qualify themselves to you.  Don't ask me why women think this would work -- women are largely qualified to guys by their appearance and to a lesser extent by their joie de vivre.  It's another blinking red light on the dashboard.

At this point, she decides to go with, "Wow, you smell good."

As an aside to the reader: yes, I do smell good.  How?  Burberry.  Seriously, as a guy, Burberry cologne is your can't miss scent.   A flawless eau de toilette.  It's masculine, but subtle.  It smells amazing while being astonishingly subtle.  I'm partial to Burberry Brit.   It mixes well with alcohol and cigarettes, so the bar smell won't fuck it up.

The summer scents are also pretty damned nice, but the Brit scent tend to be more masculine and work better in a bar setting.

I have to admit, by this point I'm losing interest.  I've gone from neutral to "puh-lease".  She's trying too hard and is clearly too invested.  I like tough women that can hold their frame.  A chick who is basically playing "Wanna fuck?" game isn't my type.

She seemed to pick up the hint.  She said, "I need to go over with my friends for a few minutes."

She and her friends converse a bit.  I stopped paying attention pretty quickly.  By the time I bothered to notice, they had all left.  So much for getting that birthday sex you had wanted.  Oh, well.  Better luck next birthday.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

The chick who yelled at me for being aloof

One of the reasons I am the way I am is because I get a bit tepid about the over-the-top behavior women throw my way.  This previous weekend I got called out by three separate women on Friday night.

The first one was a chick who approached my inside the bar and made a very overt and direct play for attention.  I think I'll save her for a later post, because there was a lot of good stuff about game to expound upon from my interaction with her. 

The third one was a hit-and-run outside the bar who basically snarled at me and asked, "What the fuck's wrong with you"

The second one is the interesting one.

Now, upfront, she was Asian.  I don't mean to be racist, but . . . I generally don't find Asian women attractive.  An Asian girl has to be an 8+ with a serious figure to have any hope of getting my attention.  My taste leans toward Irish girls (a redhead has to be pretty hideous for me to not like her), hispanic girls and skinnier black girls.

Asian Girl was maybe closer to a 6.  For my personal tastes, I'd classify her as a 4.5, but I'm aware that most guys rate Asian women much higher than I do. So, take from that what you will.

Asian Girl kind of made eyes at me when I came into the bar.  I noticed her looking but didn't make much of it because she wasn't my type.  At the low-end of the cute scale.  No figure.  Not dressed to kill.  Not having fun.  No personality.  No punk.  No inner strength.  Just nothing that flags a girl for me.

As the night progresses, Asian Girl resorts to one of the time-honored tricks of Girl Game.  She finds a seat at a table directly in front of me and forces herself into my line of sight.  She has herself turned about half toward me.  No drink.  No texting.  Just sitting, half facing toward me.

I ignore her.  Not interested.  She hits the minute-thirty mark and opts to rotate to a spot over by the DJ booth, where she sits on a stool and sits with her back half turned to me.  She sat there adjusting her skirt.  She took her jacket off.  She looked over a couple times.  And she scooted stool to place herself more directly into my view.  No play.

The minute-thirty rule

Wait.  What is the minute-thirty rule? 

I hold to be true the theory that during a woman's indirect approach of guy, she will place herself in proximity to the guy she likes for about a minute and thirty seconds.   This can go up to five minutes, but don't bet on it if you really like her.  Minute-thirty is about the amount of time a woman with high self-esteem can handle being ignored by a guy she likes.  After that, she will have to reposition and recalibrate her approach.

One one occasion,  I had a chick who went for the full five, then danced with her friend and then did another minute-thirty before absolutely exploding.  She grabbed her stuff and yelled at her friend, "Fuck this.  I'm leaving."

Feigned disinterest by women

Her recalibration choice is classic Girl Game, too.  The back half turned move is feigned disinterest.

One thing you have to understand is that a central conceit of womanhood is that all guys are horny to fuck all women.  Maybe a woman will give you enough points and assume you won't fuck a total cow.  But, the vast majority of women believe that all men, given a full, open offer of sex, will not decline sex with a woman who rates out as a 5 or higher.

Understand what feigned disinterest is about.  If a woman rates herself a 5 or higher, she believes that all men with a pulse want to fuck her.  So, if she encounters resistance from a man she rates worthy of screwing a 5 (or even higher), her first instinct is to test whether he's a full-on alpha male or just a cute beta who has a bit of game. 

Feigned disinterest -- especially after she's made her first overt orbit into your space or your line of sight -- is about drawing you out.  Her goal is to see if you're playing at alpha or if you've really got the goods.  If you're playing at it, she knows your sexual interest will get the better of you and you'll approach her.  This comes with the added bonus that women like to feel of a cold approach, even if she had to induce you into it.

Explosive behavior

The problem with feigned disinterest is that it threatens serious cognitive dissonance between how she perceives herself and what is happening. Remember, she begins with the assumption that all men will fuck a 5 or higher.  Her approach indicates she rates herself a 5+. 

This presents a cruel problem to her.  Your failure to approach her has to arise from something.  But, what can it be?

1.  The guy is gay.  

I actually had a chick who was frustrated with hitting on me -- she was doing a full, direct approach outside the bar after the bar had closed. And actually she did pretty well considering she was completely fucked-up drunk.  After not getting any play, she just flat-out asked me, "Are you queer or something?"

Not to my credit, I took the bait and I ended up fucking her an hour later in her SUV in the parking lot.  For all you girls who come here looking for advice on how to hook an aloof guy, maybe you should try this one!  Not a shining moment.  But, to her credit, she got what she wanted.

2.  There is no option two in the female mind.

To be blunt, women refuse to consider the possibility that their rating of themselves is wrong.  They're also very reluctant to believe their rating of you could be wrong.  Women refuse to consider social retardation as a possible explanation -- because that would mean they misread you and ended up hitting on a lower value man.

And this is where the blow-up comes into play.  Women's egos don't handle rejection well at all.  This is where you get "Fuck this. I'm leaving."  That chick couldn't handle being blunted.  So, she blew up and left.

Continuing with the story . . .

Asian Girl didn't get a chance to blow up.  Why?  Remember how this story has three women in it?  Remember the one who directly approached me?

Well, this is where direct approach girl comes in.  She comes in and we are engaged in her best attempt at direct approach for the next hour or so.

By the time I was done with Direct Girl, I had relocated and Asian Girl was nowhere to be seen.  Not that I was looking.  I just don't recall seeing her after that.

Until . . .

I was standing outside the bar after it closed.  I like to get some fresh air in me and sober up before I drive.  Funny thing.  I'm not a big fan of being arrested or dead.

A few minutes after I went outside, Asian Girl comes out with a white guy.  They seem to be friends, although I don't recall seeing them together inside.  He's exuding betaness and friendzoning. 

I don't think much of it until she decides to stand next to me.  I ignore her until a half minute later she rather loudly says something to the effect of "I was watching you all night and you did was sit by yourself.  What the fuck's wrong with you?"

I look over at her and say something like, "That's just how I am."  I thought I played this off pretty well, considering, again, I have zero interest in her.

She gets an "oh, shit" look on her face and meekly moves to the other side of her beta male friend.  She then says, "You look like you're gonna hit me."  I ask her what makes her think that.  She says, "The way you looked at me."  I said, "No, I'm not going to hit a drunk girl at 2am."  She responds, "That's OK.  I can hold my own."

This brings us to yet another Girl Game trick . . .

Provoke him in the hope of getting attention

Girls that have real game know how to agitate a guy into responding.  Recall the chick who threw the "Are you gay?" question at me.  The idea here is to deliberately offend the guy and force him to respond. 

What Asian Girl was doing was stepping outside the social norm.  She questioned an alpha male.  She then implied he was going to break frame and commit an act of violence.  And then when the alpha male says no, she essentially offers up that she would be willing to fight.

The idea here is to use the social need to not appear to be a threat to leverage the guy into a response.  Essentially, it's a "must respond" scenario.  And I did respond.  Once she got a response, she throws in the "I'm a fighter" thing to seem playful, to advertise a bit of joie de vivre.

I didn't smell it out at the time.  But, thing is, I just didn't dig her.  At all.  So, I shook my head and stopped talking to her.

That finally got the point across.  She quietly stood there chatting with her beta male lapdog until her friends came out and they all loudly yakked as they crossed the street and the parking lot.  Off they drove.  End of Asian Girl, at least for that night.

Women don't believe rejection exists

One thing you have to understand is that women have been taught since very early in life that men are all horny fuck monsters that won't turn down a chance at sex.  Or even the chance at auditioning for a chance at sex. 

If a woman rates herself fuckable -- that is, she rates herself a 5 or higher -- she cannot conceive of a scenario where, if she offers herself to a man, he would ever say no.  The only reason, in this logic, that a straight man would ever reject her is if there is another woman present at that exact moment.

When you blunt a woman's advances, it forces her to recalibrate. 

The thing is, once she recalibrates, all bets are off.  She's sailing angry and emotional into uncharted waters. She has no clue what she's going to do.  I can list the responses I've seen . . .

1.  Simply try again.

In my experience, this is the most common response.  Since she has no idea what went wrong -- and she's absolutely sure there's nothing wrong with her -- she simply smashes the button again and sees what happens.  Maybe a wire was loose.  Maybe the guy got distracted.

Fucked if she knows.  Try again.

And some women just keep trying and trying again and get caught in an endless loop.

2.  Blow up.

I'd say this is the second most common response.  If the guy won't go for it, then just attack him and try to provoke a response.  I've actually seen Girl Game do this playfully as an opening move.

In contrast, sincerely blowing up on a guy is the mark of a chick who rates herself very highly.  If she blows up, she does it because the entire premise has thrown her off and she's flying on pure emotion.  At this point, she's totally gameless and doesn't even know why she's doing what she's doing.

3.  Challenge the guy.

What the Asian Girl did.  Put him on the spot.  Demand that he respond.  We've already covered this.

4.  Go big.

Every now and then I get a chick who responds my doubling down repeatedly.  She goes sluttier and more direct.  Go back and read the story of MILF Everest.  The idea here is to just lay so much sex in front of the guy that he can't possible not fuck her. 

It is a pure gambit.  It's also a complete concession to guy's alphaness.  At this point, it's pure surrender.  "Here's the pussy.  I need you to take it."  That's the proposal.

With MILF Everest, she started out shit testing me for Rich Guy Game.  I blew her out and she started pitching different angles until she was outright dry humping me in front of everyone.

"Go big" is a choice that only a woman who rates herself very highly and has never been rejected, ever, by a guy will go for.  She doubles down on sex because she is absolutely sure of the universal truth that men want to fuck her.  She goes big because every time she has ever been attracted to a guy in her life, it has ended in sex.  So, in her view, if a guy is so damned alpha, then this business damn well is ending in sex.  Even if she has to ram that pussy in their sideways.


If there's one thing I hope readers will understand, it's that women do not believe in a world where every guy doesn't want to fuck every woman who is at least average in looks (or better).

For as much as women complain about men being horn dogs, the truth is women cling to that belief without much regard to how demeaning it is to them.  It calls into question the whole notion of romantic love.  It pretty much obliterates and right she has to a sense of self-worth.  In short, it validates a lot of the evil shit men say about women.

But, at least a guy can get sex from it.  That's pretty good, right?

Oh, wait.  I'm always blowing women off and not fucking them.  And then they get angry.  Which is the part I like.  Ah, fuck it, whatever.  Sorry to disappoint.

Monday, October 22, 2012

Why so aloof? Because I think she'd mindlessly kill someone if she thought it would make me happy

One of the things I have always hated about being aloof is that women who show even the slightest hint of attraction toward me don't hesitate for a second to gobble up a big heaping plate full of rejection and distant attitude.  And then keep coming back for more.  Relentlessly.  For anywhere from six months to two years.

I always see it coming.  I know what they look like when that goddamned switch goes on in their heads.  There's just an earnestness to their posture.  You can see they're holding back a whole dam full of emotions.  In truth, it reminds me a lot of when teenage boys are trying to do everything in their power to not be overtly, physically sexual around girls in order to play it cool.  They just have a bounciness that betrays their feelings.

A while back I mentioned the current title holder of Most Relentlessly Earnest Chick Trying to Get Me.

A couple weekends back, she and I talked a bit -- she always initiates the chats.  She commented about the fact I had cut my hair -- I wore it longer than shoulder length for a couple years.  Now, she has ridiculously long hair, the type of long hair that frankly looks immature as fuck on an adult woman.  I mean, down below her ass hair. 

She said something to the extent of "Ermagerd, I could never cut my hair, I'd be so scared." 

My response was, "That shit's a choice."  End of conversation.

Now, this chick is worse than most of the women who have been dialed-in on me.  And that's some pretty tough company -- go back and read my story of the chick who let a couple weeks of casual sex end with "Do you think I'm the kind of girl you could ever see yourself having kids with?"

A couple months back she saw me pushing up on a really slutty biker chick.  The next time I saw her out, she went from being dressed like a typical American sweatshirt bum to a full-on, tits-out slut.

So . . . I should have known better than to tell her what I thought of her hair.  This Saturday, there she was with her hair cut to a normal adult length.  Just a shade below the shoulders.

One of the central conceits of being a woman is the notion that every guy is a horny beast who will bend to a woman's will if the offer of a good fuck is on the table.  It's one of the big reasons chicks go full retard for an aloof guy. 

But, it also carries with it something problematic I've noticed with how women respond to me.  Once they get dialed-in on me, they become convinced that the aloofness is a product of something they're doing wrong.  Which is sort of true, but earnestly trying to fix it just makes an aloof guy more and more suspicious.  Aloof men don't trust easily.  And we don't trust emotions.  And we sure as hell don't trust people who act in earnest.  And emotional woman who dives into love face-first will cause an aloof man to burrow as deep into his aloof psyche as he possibly can -- right down to the bedrock.

The thing is, this retreat by the aloof guy causes her to get worse.  These women keep thinking if they just keep turning the knobs eventually they'll hit the right frequency and the aloof guy will hear that perfect tone and suddenly stop the aloofness and begin pursuing her the way she desperately wants.  So, as he burrows down deeper and deeper trying to get away from her earnestness, she becomes more and more earnest, like a made scientist who can't just hang things up and go to bed, because she just knows in heart, in her bones, in her soul that if she can just fix that one more thing she'll have her run of the perfect guy.

And this chick's in bad.  I mean, she's in full "I'd totally have your babies" mode.  In truth, she's in full "I'd kill for you" mode.  She's in this mode where she just keeps seeing me respond to certain women and she imitates what they do.  She hears me say something and she immediately does exactly whatever off-handed thing I say to her implies she ought to do.

With a true aloof guy, that's so the wrong direction to go.  You can't do that.  We aloof guys don't trust intense emotions.  That's the primary reason we are aloof!  Come at us as hard as you can from as many directions as possible as often as you can makes the problem much, much worse.

Worse, I've seen this shit so many times before that I can game it out in the first couple minutes after I've met you.  I'm accustomed to women taking thirty seconds to decide they would surrender their entire lives to me.  I know that goddamned look in their eyes when it happens.  I know the tilt of their heads, the change of their postures, the emotional swell followed by the slow letdown each time she sees me and she once again realizes it ain't happening today -- but godammit, it is going to happen soon, just as soon as she throws out tonight's batch of love potion and works on next week's batch.

And they do this over and over and over again in this painful, fucked-up cycle.

And the truth is, I enjoy it.  My ego soaks that shit up.  I love it.  Seeing those girls who are hopelessly in love with me is one of the reasons I leave the house.  It's probably my favoritest thing in the world.  I love watching them deflate and die a little bit every time she sees me and once again that little play in her head -- the one where this time I show some interest, set aside the aloofness and ask her if she wants to go out sometime next week -- doesn't play out.

I'm fucking addicted to it.  It's vastly superior to sex.

So, with this chick, she's really feeding in to the problem.  I'm never gonna fuck her.  Not even if we were talking uncommitted, meaningless, unemotional sex -- the only kind I ever consent to these days.  She's not attractive enough for me to fuck.  She's only even allowed to talk to me because she misread a shitload of obvious signs of my disinterest.

But, it doesn't stop me from vulturing that ego trip off her earnestness.

In other words, this hair cutting thing?  Wow.  Wrong . . . fuckin . . . move . . .  It's just so much the wrong move I can't begin to express it.

There are basically two type of involvement a woman can have with a guy like me.  There's the sexless emotional vampire relationship.  And there's the emotionless sexual monster relationship.  And there's nothing in between.  If the emotional vampire relationship drifts toward sex, I'll kill it.  If the sexual monster relationship drifts toward emotions, I'll kill it. 

It's hopeless to think you're going to find the emotionally and sexually fulfilling middle ground with a guy like me.  It's not gonna happen.

And every woman I've every known in my life who got dialed-in on me emotionally ends up pissing away months of her life trying to turn the knobs slowly and hit that perfect frequency where the signal gets through to me.  And it's horrifying, because I know about two minutes in how it's gonna go.  And there isn't a goddamned thing I can do to stop her from going through the motions, over and over and over and over and over again for months on end.

Only months later do I see the next big sign.  That ugly, slightly sick to her stomach look.  She'll look like she needs to cry, but she sure as hell isn't going to let it happen.  She'll look like she needs to scream.  I can always see it. 

There's this ugly, dark, horrible moment when she can see me standing there -- this man that she's lived a whole perfect life with in her head -- and she realizes it's never going to happen and she starts to just hate herself for ever allowing it to come this.  I can see how stupid she feels.  I can see her anger.  I can see just how gross and miserable and ill she feels.

And that's what I hate right now with this current girl.  She is so dialed-in that she's just going to jam everything she can think of in there sideways and hammer it the fuck in there until it works.

I hate it because she's only getting to mid-process.  I wish there were some socially appropriate way to just stop her.  I wish I could just tell her, "I know you're in this really fucked-up place right now, but you need to stop this shit.  Now."

Not that it would work.  Women love distant, unavailable men.  Overtly telling her I'm distant and unavailable would only make the problem worse.  There's nothing sexier to a woman than a man who can do without her.

One of the central conceits of womanhood is this idea that some day you're going to find this perfect guy.  This guy who doesn't need you, but who nonetheless wants you.  He's going to be this big, tough, distant man who has his shit together and he just your love to open him up.  All he needs is the right coaxing.

So what if he's 34 years old and has never been in a real relationship?!  It can't possibly be your fault that every other woman on earth sucks!!  Fuck those bitches!  They aren't you, baby.  You're The One.  He's The One.  This shit's going down.  Everyone else just needs to get the fuck out of the way.  This is happening.

And then there's the big comedown.  That awful fucking week when it finally sinks he.  You're not special.  He's not The One.  All the coaxing in the world isn't going to make him stop being who he is.

And that's actually the most awful moment.  Because you can see that moment when she's right at the emotional cliff.  When she's really, really thinking about throwing all caution to the wind and just having a big emotional blow-up in front of everyone.  Over a guy who has never even told her his fucking name. 

And then it hits.  If she's pull that shit, she'll look mental as fuck.

One of the biggest fears that looms over women is the fear that if she ever laid it all on the line, everyone around them would wise up to what a fucking nutcase she is and never talk to her again.  This fear runs parallel to a fear that if she never lays it on the line, one day she's going to die alone and her body will be slowly eaten by the house full of cats she owns.

One thing that sucks about being an aloof, distant man is you get a front row seat where you can see it written all over her goddamned face.  You can see that exact moment a little piece of her soul goes dark, extinguished.  You can see the moment she realizes that part of her is dead, never to return.  You can see the moment she realizes that all that's left to do is amputate.

And every time I go out and run into one of these women, I know it's coming and there isn't a thing I can do to stop it.  Two minutes after she says hello, I can see that moment her pupils dilate too much.  I can see that moment her posture slackens.  I can she that moment where she decides she's going to jump on me.  She's going to fuck my brains out, cook for me, have my babies and no other man that ever meets her ever again should even bother.

At that moment, I just set the clock in my head.  Because it's happening again.  And I know how it ends.  And I can't do anything to stop it.

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Guys? Smile more

This is just a bit of field reporting from last night, but . . .

Last night I was out at a bar I really hate.  There's a chick there that bartends who is 100% my type -- big ass, dark hair, sassy mouth.  The thing is, I don't do much to play at bartenders, waitresses, shotgirls, etc.  I've always considered it unfair to game them, since being friendly is a key component of their employment. 

In the past, I haven't sensed any play with this bartender anyhow. 

Last night she was a rough night dealing with the drunks.  At one point she cut a guy off completely.  He gave her hell.  So, she poured him a shot and then knocked it back right in front of him and yelled, "There's yer fucking shot right there!"

I smiled.  I thought that was funny as shit.  Thing is, that was when she broke through and started talking to me.  She was having a rough night and clearly needed a friend. 

We were talking outside the bar after hours while the drunks were still around.  She got pissed at a few of them and pointed at me and told them this is how you behave.  Then she took my hand.  She said I was quiet and not looking to prove anything to anyone.  Lesson being?  This is how you be a man.

The thing is, women like aloof guys for that reason right there.  And gawd knows she was probably digging me way before this.  But, all that sexy aloofness creates a barrier for women. 

That first smile -- right when she needed a smile -- was the breakthrough.

Aloof can be good.  But, at some point the girl's gotta see ya smile.  Women like the tough, aloof, distant guy.  But women need that positive feedback.  Maybe even more when it's with an aloof guy, because that aloofness can shut a girl right down.

So, aloog guys?  Smile a bit more.  Don't worry.  You're not going to overdo it.  It's just not in our nature.

Monday, October 1, 2012

The failure of holding love up too high

There are a handful of concepts that I find reprehensible.  One of them is the notion of the "soul mate". 

Let's skip right past the low-hanging fruit.  Sure, if one soul out there is the one for you, odds are they're a Han Chinese man who you will never encounter.  Skip that.  Too easy.  Also, let's skip right past the fact there is no such thing as the human soul, at least not in the crazy, ephemeral New Age religion sense.

Let's hit the hard target: what is love in reality?

Well?  Love is the product of certain chemicals in your brain going bonkers after you have been exposed to enough visual and social stimuli to convince you that you might want to fuck another human being.  It's a cocktail of oxytocin and social conditioning and evolutionary hard-wired sexual cues that when shaken up causes you to ignore all reason and make what amounts to a very bad choice for you individually: letting someone have a say in your life without being able to quantify why they deserve that say.

Just to be clear, I'm not a downer on love itself.  Knowing how love works is like knowing how chocolate works.  You can understand the entire process from a biochemistry standpoint without in any meaningful way destroy the fun of it.

What I'm down on is the deification of love.  What I'm down on is the notion that love is the broad, existential ideology that transcends anything at all.  It isn't.  Suck it.  Your love isn't special.

If love were anywhere near as mysterious as people claim, there would be numerous badly mismatched couples out there.  Six hundred pound chicks with serious hygiene issues soul mating it up with Wall Street types.  That shit doesn't happen outside of a few fetish porn websites.  Or maybe a Fetlife meetup with really good drugs.

The truth is, attraction leads to arousal which leads to sex which leads to bonding which leads to love.  A lot of things have to occur before you get to the love part.  And a lot of things have to go right afterward to sustain it.  And all of those things are readily -- nay, scientifically -- verifiable.  They can be field-tested and applied over and over again across cultures.

So, love isn't big and brave and crazy and mysterious.  It's only bigger than life because as a species we depend on it to stamp out the next generation of life.  To you personally, that's not a big deal except insofar as it alters your life's path. 

None of that requires that we elevate love to the status of a religion or an ideology or whatever the hell it is people think it is.  There is no great mystery.  There is no great lesson to be learned.  It just is.

There's nothing wrong with that.  One of humanity's great faults is our inability to just be.  We piss away a lot of energy and time chasing around and trying to wrangle a universe that was here before us and will be here long after all of us are gone and that just flat-out doesn't give a fuck that any of us were ever born.  And we do this to no effect -- save for the times it backfires and it all ends in a murder-suicide.

There's nothing wrong with just being.  There's nothing wrong with love just being what it is.  I know how chocolate stimulates my brain.   It's not a mystery.  And there's nothing wrong with that just being how it is. 

Same goes for love.  Love is just part of being human.  Don't deify it. Don't hold it up to some blinding light.  Don't build it up into something that transcends existence itself.

Love just is.

Monday, September 24, 2012

Women who keep beta males as pets

Something I've noticed lately when I'm going out is that a small number of women seem to keep a beta male as a pet. 


Well, let me illustrate . . .

Example One

There's a chick at one of the bars I frequent that is friendly toward me, but I'm not going to give her the time of day.  Bluntly put, it would be a two point violation.  She's a bit dumpy and dresses like she's the head coach of the New England Patriots.  And she wears her hair overly long, like she's a 10 year old with femininity issue.  Nice girl.  But, not gunna happen.  The 1990s are over -- don't expect to get laid pulling that shit, ladies.

There's a guy there who has been playing what can only be termed some serious beta male long game with her.  A couple months ago it was dancing monkey game, followed by pretty overt rejection by her.  This weekend he was up to creepy old man game, complete with attempted lower back rub.

The funny thing is, she likes to play push-pull game on him, even though it's very clear her finally answer is to push him away.  She'll let him lean in, but when he starts working the lower back, she'll smack him away.  And if he gets too insistent, she just abandons him to talk to her friends or goes to the bathroom or whatever.  At one point she abandoned him to go make out with a bull dyke and did not come back.

In short, she likes the attention, but he don't get no pussy.  His dignity does seem to have a cut-off.  This weekend, he finally gave up about an hour before closing time and just left.  So . . . there's something to be said for the guy.  Not much.  But something.

 . . . and a second illustration . . .

Example Two

A different chick.  Cut, mid-20s, blond.  On most guy's scale she'd be a 7.  She comes into the bar (the same damned bar, BTW!) several months ago with a guy friend.  He's dancing with her, but not grinding.  He follows her like a lost puppy.  She ignores him.

They're both dancing and she keeps making eye contact with me while she's doing this.  I blow her off because, frankly, I fucking hate chicks that collect beta males as pets.  It's disgusting and unfair.  Plus, I'm disinclined to blow-out some poor loser in front of his dream girl.  I'm not mean enough to do that.

Eventually after a couple failed passes at me, she retreats to a table.  I'm sitting at my table, texting a friend my observations of this weird couple.  From behind me, the guy comes up and hands me a beer. Oooooh-kaaaay.  What's this, you ask?

He says it's from the chick he was dancing with!!!!!!!

I've seen some shit in my lifetime.  But this was a first.  She had sent her pet dancing monkey beta male over to me with a gift.  Wow. 

Again, I don't humor this shit from women.  So, I told him to thank her for me and called it at that.  Or, so I thought.

I should know better.  If a chick's crazy enough for a guy that she'll deploy her beta helper monkey in service of her hypergamy, she's in deep estrus.

About ten minutes later, she sits down at my table.  Helper monkey is still in tow, of course.

She says some damned thing.  Basically "Hello, blah blah blerg."  Then she says she noticed what I was drinking and that's why she sent over the beer.  She offer a clank of the beer bottles type of toast.  I comply and then go back to texting, telling my buddy about the fucked up chick are her fucked up guy talking to me.  She says something and I pretty much ignore her.

So, he disengages, goes a few feet away and dances for me.  I ignore her and she finally gives up.  Helper monkey clearly senses this and resumes monkey dancing for her.  Thankfully, the end of that episode.  I don't want to have to adopt a beta male helper monkey just to bed a horny chick.


Something I've learned is that some women like to keep a beta male around for the attention.  And at least one apparently uses her beta male as an assistance dog.

Of course, these guys are playing the loooooooooong version of the long game.  If I stick around long enough, surely one night she'll have a moment of weakness and fuck me.  Or she'll see what a great guy I am.  Or whatever.

The funny thing is, in my experience, what these chicks really do is orbit alpha males and then fall back on their beta males for an ego boost when the alphas blow them out.  And these guys are so beta they go along with it.  Hell, in some cases they fucking facilitate it.  And provide table-side service.

But, why do women let this go on?  Why not have the decency to just tell the guy to fuck off?

I'm not a big fan of the theory that these girls are just being nice.  A woman seeking sex is a monster to guys she doesn't deem worthy of her babymaker.  Most women will just call the beta males creeps and trash on them until they either go away or blow up and get tossed out by the bouncers.

The women who keep beta males as pets are assuaging their egos.  They want that boost.  And if some hanger-on is dumb enough to provide it, so much the better.  They want the alpha dick, but they need something to make them feel better all the nights they go out and don't get it.  So, they adopt a beta male as a pet.

It's weird.  And I won't even say it's common.  But, it's out there.  It's a thing.  It happens.

What eye contact at the bar or club means

One thing I want to get across to all single guys out there is this little idea right here: women do not just aimlessly look around at guys in a situation that is strongly equated with sex.

So, if you are at a bar or club and a girl is giving you repeated eye contact, it's a signal.  Pure and simple.

How can you tell?  How can I know for sure it's not something I'm mistranslating?

Because women will not risk having some random weirdo get the wrong idea.  Ever.  If a woman has any doubts about your flirt-worthiness, she isn't going to chance giving you the wrong idea.  So, if you see her at the end of the bar or across the dance floor or three tables over, and she's making eye contact (or pulling the patented look away when you look trick), then you're in.  Go for it.  All the lights on the board are green.

In a setting where the sexual tone is clear, women don't chances on sending false signals.  It's just that damned simple.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Pretty much how I feel about men's rights stuff on the web

The linkiedink, first . . .

And now the quote . . .

Fascism has co-opted seduction!  There’s no other term for it.  Gender fascism.
Basically fascism goes like this: “There is a problem with this world, and it’s caused by _________________.”
Fill in the blank with your “ism” of choice.  Feminism, communism, judaism, multiculturalism … whatever.  The first thing you need to do is convince people there’s a problem.  Then you lay the blame.
I clipped that one sentence short because the last potshot is a tad histrionic for my tastes.

In general, I like reading on the subjects of mating, seduction, feminism, sex, sexual politics, PUA, bondage and on and on.  In truth, I'm a pretty voracious reader.  I read a lot of shit I don't even care about. Some of my favorite stuff to read is things outside my wheelhouse and my worldview.  I find people I don't know or don't understand to be fascinating.

But, the manosphere, so-called, has become dulled down to the point of uselessness in large part because it went mental right around the time Obama was elected president.  In truth, I don't see this as an accident.  I have no proof to back this up, but my gut feeling is that there is an effort afoot to co-opt the "seduction community" into being the next generation of angry conservative white assholes.

To be clear, I'm not uncomfortable with the basic anti-feminist critique of the men's rights movement.  Simply put, I do think that western civilization went too far in tipping the scales, particularly in the courts, toward women.  Divorce is a shit deal for men and by default it makes marriage a shit deal, too.  This shit deal has made it vastly harder for people to enter into long-term, loving relationships.

But, behind all that rightness is also an agenda intent on completely reversing the tide.  There's a group of men in the whole men's rights / PUA / seduction community that has it in their heads that there was some mystical time not long ago when it was super easy to be a white male in a western nation.

Again . . . not entirely false.

But, facts are facts.  Feminism ain't goin' away.  All the dark people ain't goin' away.  Liberal society ain't goin' away.

Nor should they.

On balance, the march of progress for women and minorities has been a good thing for all people.  To the extent there have been failures, they result from a handful of causes.  One is a simple failure to appreciate how long and hard the road would be.  Two is an unwillingness to accept to some degree humanity will always suck.

But, three is the big issue in my mind.  Three?  Three is that we often badly overcompensated.

Divorce is the #1 offender in my view.

First, a little history.

Let's be clear about something.  Divorce used to be a really shit deal for women.  Up until the second great wave of women's liberation in the 1960s, a woman seeking a divorce could be buried by her old man.  It was not unheardof for men to just have their wives remanded to mental institutions in order to get out of marriages.  Women were regularly left destitute if they left their husband.  And the man stood a good chance of gaining custody of the children.

In many ways, the modern divorce system has simply flipped the rules.  Now it's the guy who gets buried.  The woman takes half his shit.  She gets the kids unless she is provably dangerous or just doesn't give a fuck.  She can seek divorce on the flimsiest of grounds.

All we did in western society is replace one shitty and unjust system with another shitty and unjust system.

To my mind, all this stuff is germane to discussion in the manosphere.  But, at some point you gotta let some of it go and just live your life.  The world sucks.  More terrifying: even though the world sucks, we live at the peak of human existence to-date.  You can't let that awful fact become a crutch that you lean on instead of confronting the world.

That's where I feel a disconnect with a lot of the PUA stuff from recent years.  You can't be telling these dysfunctional kids who just want to get laid that there's this massive conspiracy out there intent upon turning them into sexless eunuchs.  That isn't helpful.

But, sadly, that's about all there is left out in the so-called manosphere these days.  It's disappointing.

The fact is, people will always fuck.  Life finds a way, no matter how stupid and broken the prevailing system is at any one given time in history.  We're all here because a whole series of human beings before us made what amounts to fairly stupid and self-destructive decision: they fucked another human being.  Humans like fucking and they're not gonna stop it anytime soon.


Those are the ground rules today and in perpetuity.  If you allow more conscious issues to get in the way of your diving in and enjoying all the fuckery your ancestors enjoyed before you, that's your problem, not society's.  There's a whole slew of interracial kids out there who were conceived despite society's dumber ills.  Why?  Because humans fuck.  Every moment, somewhere, some couple is fucking right now.

That simple.  That's the baseline assumption.  Anything that deviates from that baselines assumption is not helpful. 

So, you're either in The Game or you're on the sidelines.  If you're on the sidelines, that's your choice.  That's your neurosis.  Don't think elaborate explanations of the grand anti-male conspiracy discharge you from your responsibility to go forth and fuck just as irresponsibly as your ancestors did before you.