One thing I've always struggled to get across to other people is that a woman's vibe means a lot to me. I can find a chick aesthetically pleasing and still not be attracted to her. I like a bit of joie de vivre, but please realize there's a difference between "fun" and "full retard". I like a woman who is in command of herself (but let's be honest, attractive, confident women are unicorns). Personality goes a longer way with me than it does with most guys.
When you go out anywhere enough, you will start to see the cast of characters who are the regulars, the folks who go out most every weekend. One of the regulars I see is a chick I call Pocahontas (that was her Halloween costume this year and it stuck).
Certain women I know from the first time they eye me in the bar or club like me. Pocahontas is one of those women. I think I first saw her in March. I had just stopped in to a bar because I was giving a friend a ride home from work and I was running waaaaay early getting into town.
Pocahontas is this semi-tall (like 5'9") white chick with black hair. Skinny, small-boobed, little bit big butt for her frame. Not my spot-on perfect type, but in the upper fifty percent of women I find attractive. She's a bit aloof herself. Wears glasses. Dressed well-enough but not a sharp dresser. Seems a little academic or office-y.
The thing is, despite her giving a couple good looks my way, nothing fired up for me. She's a Solid Seven. But, there just isn't that burst. To be blunt, she just doesn't get me going. I've seen her around a bit since, but nothing struck me as her trying again.
I can remember seeing her around at a Halloween party. I was dicking around BSing with the band's lead singer who I kinda knew. We were ripping on everyone that went past. And Pocahontas -- in costume -- went out to shove her friend into a car. Me and the singer were ripping on them for being drunk and I said something to the effect that she sure seemed a bit bitchy. Pocahontas heard this, looked off and resumed stuffing her friend in the car.
So . . . not a lot going on there, right?
Thing is, this last weekend I was out and I saw her again. She was bouncing around to several guys but not settling in with any one. I saw she noticed me, but I didn't think much of it. Toward the end of the night, two of her friends made separate passes by me. The one just did a quick orbit approach, nothing more. The second girl went for direct eye contact, a smile, shaking her shoulders and hands dancing. The first one I kinda liked, but she had a real "kill me" vibe. The second one was pudgy and had a piss poor blue dye job that was half roots . . .
I went outside for some air just a bit before closing time. A few minutes later, Pocahontas comes out and walks slow kind of toward me, but also past me. She looks like she wants to say something. She's making direct eye contact. It looks a bit like how you approach a friend's dog for the first time after he's told you the dog is friendly. Cautious, but not wary.
Finally, when she get right in front of me, she looks over her should and says, "Goodnight." And she slows down for a second, but keeps moving. I grumble something between a yeah and blurg. A yurg.
She just keeps on going to her vehicle and leaves a few minutes later (we live in the North . . . November means letting a car warm up). So, that was weird.
What I have learned over a lifetime is this kind of approach is what a girl does when she really likes you, but she's trying to induce you into approaching her. She's essentially making it known. She's worried that she's invisible to you. She's hoping that maybe if she just pops her head up enough that she'll show up on your radar and open her sometime in the future.
A lot of Girl Game is about inducing guys into acting. Girls like the thrill of being approached. They enjoy the validation of having a guy they like approach them. Bonus points if he's a guy her friends liked. Further bonus points if they tried to approach him (remember, in girl logic orbits and low passes count as approaches).
The thing is, women have no clue what to do with aloof guys. But, the large majority of women are going to fall down on the side of preserving their feminine dignity. And a big part of that is the idea that she has to get him to approach her. Even if she has to provide him a paint-by-numbers kit.
That's where these things go. Pocahontas likes me. But, she's very tepid because she's not sure she's even on my radar (she is, but she's being treated as a flock of seagulls and not a legitimate target). So, she's trying to pop her head up and see if anything registers.
It's weird. But, it's how women work. They want to be approached. They want to maintain the pretense of their female dignity. But, if they really like you, they will start trying to lay down an idiot-proof path for you.
As always, though, women underestimate the capacity of men to not get it. Or, in my case, my capacity to get it, ignore it, enjoy being chased, jerk her around and just see long I can play with her before she breaks.
I'm a bit intrigued to see where this goes with her.
My experience tells me her next move will be to try to fabricate a conversation. That's tough because we don't overlap socially. And I am a hard guy to just approach, even under the false pretense of simple conversation. So, unless I miss her and end up accidentally standing next to her without realizing it, I'm not sure how she aims to go about initiating that conversation.
We'll see. I'm interested to see if a tepid female can make that leap. And if so, how does she go about it?
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