I think we should start calling the blog "Ragefest for Bitches Who're Angry About Guys Being Mean to Them and Are Going to Yell at the Aloof Guy Since That Sexy, Distant Guy They're Pining for Stopped Returning Her Texts".
OMFG, ladies . . . please . . . shut . . . the fuck . . . up.
I get it. You're going to say a bunch of mean shit to me because I made you haz a sad by telling you the truth about men being mean to you.
Seriously, if you have nothing valid to contribute but your own rage and your desire to put me in my place by telling me that I'm a nice little boy who you'd chew up and spit out, please, please consider giving your vibrator one more hit and then curling up with your cat while reading 50 Shades for the fifth time in a year.
Do you talk on the phone with these women much or text every once and awhile? How do you keep in contact and socialize with the ones you keep around for awhile?
ReplyDeleteWould love a Post about what you do from a distance to keep them wanting you even more.
Text is a borderline hard no for me. Except for receiving dirty pics and handling the logistics of an actual date (ex: "I'm outside the restaurant now") I avoid text game like it's an STD.
DeleteWhy?
More than anything, my game is basically a mind fuck that's driven by identifying co-dependent women and starving them of attention. Mind you, this is not (originally) by design. It's just who I am as a person, and as I become more game-aware, I tried to work with what I had on hand in my personality inventory.
I'm a bit more lax with social media in the run-up to dating. That's simply because some women will not engage you if you don't make some early time investment. Also, it's not like you can't sit down for an hour in the middle of a Tuesday night and juggle six of them at once.
Big thing is, don't fuck around and never get to the point. You can test for receptivity by saying things like "We need to get you outta the house and get your eyes used to some sunlight." Once you see receptivity, back off for a day and then come back with a date proposal.
More than anything . . . keep them starved for attention. Men crave sex. Women crave attention. Just as a woman can keep a guy twisted up dealing out a bit of a sex once a week-ish, a man can keep a woman knotted up pretty tight by dealing out attention slowly.
You can talk to her, just keep it functional. Never, ever, ever, ever break off any of that "hey sexy profile pic" bullshit. None. Zero. Not even once.
Here's a direct quote from an email session I wrapped up with a chick a half-hour ago:
"You seem like you don't like me very much and it feels like you question how much of an actual girlfriend I really am."
This was after she went apeshit sending me pics of everything in the arsenal. Nudies, titties, and spread pussy.
Keep 'em tense, gentlemen. They'll love ya for it.
Thanks great tips i definitely suffer from an avoidant personality disorder and try and overcompensate by trying to be more social after I know the girl likes me and it has not been helping, they like me more when I act like there the last thing I need in my life so im just trying to learn to deal with it. Your blog is very interesting to me thanks
ReplyDeleteWhat sucks there is that aloof male behavior is perceived as very sexy. You're struggling to interact with them, and every time you do, it increases their interest in wanting to be with you.
DeleteIt becomes a feedback loop of destructive behavior, especially if you end up dealing with a highly co-dependent chick who won't back off (which is the standard female that an avoidant male will attract).
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ReplyDeleteAs someone who is also naturally aloof, your blog rings true.
ReplyDeleteGiven that, I'd appreciate your take on a scenario that has repeated itself for me in the last 15 months.
Was doing my MBA overesas. I'm generally a little bit older than most of the students (say +6-7 years). Further, I lived in a private student hotel just off campus, with approximately 250 students ranging in ages from 18-30s.
To paint the picture - although I'm not Mr top notch alpha, I'm taller, speak calmly and clearly, am well informed when I speak. I move slowly - as I'm well built I don't have to move for anyone. I have a reasonably smart dress sense - black overcoat/jacket, jeans and stylish but not formal shoes. I'm a foreigner in comparison to most, so perhaps a bit of an exotic flavour in the environment. So here's what happens generally in social scenarios when I encounter people for first time:
* guys a few years younger than me overtly trying to pull the macho act to assert alphaness. I engage calmly and with some relative authority and generally things between us go OK.
* I'll talk to people without being overly eager (being aloof of course) and without acknowledging people's status or attempt to demonstrate status - very matter of fact.
* On first contact with women, it's clear (from what I've learned) that they have some sort of brain spazz. There are visceral immediate physical reactions such as straightening up, re-crossing legs, stammering and fumbled words.
* While having a general, non-flirtatious conversation (heavy program we're studying) they'll blurt out, completely out of context "i have a boyfriend", or "my boyfriend....."
* I remain non-plussed and continue conversation as if it didn't even register.
* I express no signs of interest (as you know, aloof peole will get told they're hard to read). However, they will try to get me to chase them. One girl, who I knew had a boyfriend, was all over me trying to get me to come to some street performance with a couple of other guys following a class event.I played it cool and eventually went with it along with the others. I chatted with her, but usual stuff, mainly around me being new to the country (she was a local). General stuff. Because its important also to network in an MBA I asked for her full name so I could add her on Facebook (very casually, like a male friend). She then proceeded to try and lead me into asking for her private email. I laughed it off and said see you in class.
* Other occurrences have included girls with boyfriends tryng to get me over to their apartments, giving the impression its a group event, when really its just gonna be her and her boyfriend. One who I didn't have much to do with in the program, but I know was intimidated by me, started contacting me out of the blue in the lead up to this. I fobbed her off, citing another event.
* another, who I think was Cluster B, tried to get me into her little group of beta orbiters (including this meek Italian guy 6 years younger than her who was her 'boyfriend'), but again I refused and she chucked a tantrum and became quite condescending whenever we bumped into each other. Again, I had expressed no interest, but she literally threw herself into my path.
From your experience, what gives? I'm very careful not to give off cues, but what is the rationale for their behaviour? Giving the boyfriend a jolt? Validation/ego boosting? Or is it possible I am doing something I don't realise? Any thoughts would be welcome.
NOTE: I'm gonna have to break this up into two parts. Blogger's being a bitch about the length.
Delete"Was doing my MBA overesas."
Where? Flirtation and intent are highly specific to culture. A passing smile in America is an invitation for sex in Russia.
"come to some street performance with a couple of other guys following a class"
It sounds like she's collecting guys for 1) validation and 2) spare boyfriends.
I'm guessing you're in Europe somewhere by the sound of it. The female behavior screams Europe, where the guys have no capacity to prevent themselves being drawn into large masses of beta orbiters. It's like watching a female angler fish absorb male mates . . . just disgusting.
"I'm a foreigner"
What race are you? It matters. Like it or not.
- - -
Context matters a lot.
For example, northern Europeans consider it perfectly OK to build large herds of wimps who amble around rarely getting laid. The guys never consider the possibility of just unplugging.
If I had to guess, the fact that you're unattached to a relationship and aloof is being seen as a sign of vulnerability. Essentially you're being labelled an ideal candidate for absorption into her ego-feeding harem of beta male orbiters.
I have noticed in my time that European women like to tool their boyfriends by hitting on other guys in front of them.
I grew up rural poor in Appalachia, so it was a bit of a shocker to me the first time I saw it, because women in my culture are regularly the victims of murder-suicides when they antagonize their mates . . . which is to say they only risk pissing their mates off if they feel there's a legitimate shot at acquiring a better mate.
In some ways, it's easier to think of human societies as all floating somewhere between bonobo societies (consequence-free sex for everyone all the time) and chimpanzee societies (all competition must be violently eradicated). You, sir, unfortunately, are stuck dealing with women in a human society that's closer to the bonobo than the chimp.
From my experiences in Europe, the best advice I can give you is don't play their game.
I would strongly encourage you to rub a little more jerk on your aloofness. Drop some negs in there and start moving them toward thinking of you as the dominant male. The one-size-fits-all solution is to ask her "Are you really this desperate for attention?"
The upside to the sexual game in western and northern Europe is that most of the males are non-competitors. Few if any have ever been in a real fist fight. You certainly don't see the per-capita appearance of poorly fixed broken noses that you do in North America or Eastern Europe. So you can be pretty fearless in just ignoring the "boyfriend" altogether.
Charm seems to pay off a lot in Europe. Outside of the south, most European men have all the charm of a light tan Yugo. If you have some charm, unleash it.
Truth is, they're testing you to see if you're alpha enough to unseat their wimpy "boyfriends" or if you're wimpy enough to be assimilated into their beta herd. From the girl's perspective, it's a win-win.
A lot of European women are attracted to foreigners because they're hoping that you weren't raised in a beta wimp society. They want you to come in do some damage.
My advice? Stay aloof, but add some jerk, add some negs, and mix in some charm. Make them work their asses off for your attention.
DeleteReward them with tiny little crumbs of approval. Find the local equivalent for diminutive terms of affection. Whatever the local equivalents of "sunshine", "kitten", "kiddo", "mi sonrisa", "mijo", etc are you need to learn them. Then work those in at the end of a sentence every half hour or so.
Basically, you keep a steady hum of aloof, a dash of jerk here and there (never shy away from your side of an argument), and just a few crumbs of approval. Sentences like "I just don't see it, kiddo" are fuckin catnip for women.
Honestly? I'm not happy until I've worked a woman in so many directions that she goes silent and wears a thousand-yard stare when she sees me around.
You don't have to go that far, but don't be afraid to go that direction before easing up on her and letting her in. Don't be afraid to emotionally traumatize them. They'll gladly do the same to you. Turnabout is fair play.
If she tools you (which is what these girls are doing) neg her or call her out. She wants to flirt, making her work. If she responds to positive feedback, give it out in small crumbs. If she rolls with a herd, isolate her if not physically at least socially.
Remember the wimps aren't players on the board. Think of beta males as like the foliage on a golf course. If you're in the middle of them, you did something wrong. Your only goal is to leave the beta herd as quickly and efficiently as possible.
You haven't done your job right until she's feeling alone and traumatized while sitting there wishing for the slightest bit of attention from you.
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ReplyDeleteThe big difference between you and I is that women see me as a physical threat.
DeleteI'm guessing that a woman has never asked you whether you thinking you might be a psychopath, right?
That's why women see your aloofness as vulnerability. You're an attractive guy who does not present a meaningful threat. Therefore you're fun to play with, but at the end of the day you're not going to trigger that really hard shock to the limbic system that I get from women.
Women find sadism attractive. If you really want to leverage your aloofness, at some point you have to give it a slight edge of sadism.
Right now, you're disinterested, dispassionate, unengaged. That's only thrilling if women believe there's a deeper mystery hiding behind it. Preferably a slightly violent mystery.
Eventually you have to figure out what you want to do with your aloofness. What does it buy you? Are you happy with what it's buying you? If you're not, then you have to leverage it by adding an element of danger or trauma.
Women take their cheap thrills really cheap. Seriously, read a couple romance novels. The turdishness of what turns women on makes the male desire for beauty look like art (perhaps explaining why so much art arises from the male desire for beautiful things).
What are you lookin for, man?
I don't mind playing free therapist to a fellow traveler in the wilderness, but at some point you need to define what feels like a life well lived to you.
Or you can do what I've done and abandon all hope of a life well lived.
Thanks for such a detailed response.
ReplyDeleteMost of your interpretations and assumptions are pretty solid on reflection and confirm some things I suspected. But I also picked up some insight I didn't see.
You're correct, I’ve been in Northern Europe - Holland. To clarify, it’s a Masters (not MBA - hanging around MBAs a lot but). I'm from Australia.
Can you clarify in particular one thing you said: Why “aloof is being seen as a sign of vulnerability”? Why is it a sign? Are they misreading the situation? I gracefully sidestepped the Cluster B chick when she tried to turn every bumping into her as a beta orbiting attempt.
I've been really focused on changing my career direction and thus doing the best I could on this program, build networks and connections etc. Doing the thesis was intense. As a result, after building up a solid group of 5-6 friends and another group of gym buddies, I didn't socially push further. The friends/buddies were basically middle-betas doing my program. Decent guys I could have an intelligent conversation with. A lot of my time I was essentially in my head studying, strategising for the future or writing job applications.
As such I haven’t focused on attracting female company. When I did have some breaks in the program I flew to Berlin for one week to meet up with a girl I knew there 7 years ago. Basically her cooking for me and sex. When I had a bigger course break, I flew to meet an Asian ex for a couple of weeks for the same thing.
I can now remember 3 other instances from my program of the behaviour I described. In all of these, I expressed NO INTEREST OR ACKNOWLEDGEMENT.
1. After giving an excellent presentation in class. I got many compliments and one girl who again I knew had a boyfriend invited me to the local pub to watch football with her. I suspected and non-sequitired onto something else.
2. Was a younger girl who started proximity alert girl game. I was not interested and attempted humouring her and being as blank and generic as possible. She then started to get really aggressive and launched into probing shit tests every time I bumped into her. I kept playing it literal and straight, but she was really trying to get me to come down on her hard and put her in her place.
3. The hottest, most popular girl where I lived, worked at the restaurant there. I either had a public persona or ignored her. I knew she had a boyfriend. Having inside intelligence I knew they were fighting. Out of the blue she’s seeking me out. Next week she’s waiting for me outside the hotel one night, hinting that she has a bottle of spirits at her place. I say I’m tired and walk on. A couple of times after she tries to get me to drink with her again. I ignore.
But again, thanks for your input. Now that I’ve moved on from this period, I can focus on this stuff again and will take your advice on board.
"aloof"="emotionally damaged"="vulnerable" in a lot of women's books.
ReplyDelete