I grew up poor. Dirt poor.
Over my adult life, I made money. "Fuck you" money, as in, the answer if I don't like something is "fuck you" because I have money and I don't owe anyone shit.
One thing I always though was that when they day came that I had it together, it would be easy. Women have liked me since I hit puberty. So, having my shit together should mean it will be easy, right?
One of the great revelations of my adult life is this: the problem exists somewhere between my ears.
The simple truth is, whatever the reasons, I am a fucked up person who often cops a shit attitude for no good reason. I'm not an abusive man, not in the physical sense. I'm not even verbally abusive.
I'm emotionally abusive.
I am the definitive distant man. I don't fall in love. I often barely acknowledge a woman even when we're screwing.
The joke? Women eat that shit up.
Women perceive a man's indifference as a signal of his status. He doesn't need her, so he's indifferent. Which, needless to say, makes him hot as hell. This is why women hate men. Women hate that the thing that turns them on the most about a man renders that man permanently unavailable.
The irony is, most distant men aren't signaling status. They're signaling significant emotional damage.
And people wonder why our species is so irrevocably fucked up?
I want to be better than this. But, I don't know how. And even if I did, I somehow suspect I'd never have the courage.
I liked this one very much. As someone who is naturally the total oppossite, (a giver, open, honest, friendly, sensitive), it rings true even more. I feel you have a very core [modern] truth here, and it speaks to a huge section of our society.
ReplyDeleteI had a longer response but it got fucking deleted. I enjoyed reading yur blogs. It's funny and ironic your ego feels you need to change, grass is greener on the other side, so to speak.. but remember you're at least getting laid, and you naturally fit the machine.
Think of all all the normal dudes who don't. ;)
Sorry for the delayed. Reply. I completely missed the comment notification in my email. (I suck, it's true.)
ReplyDeleteFirst, thanks for the compliment.
Second . . . I don't always know if I feel the need to change. In truth, I'm getting pretty old to change that aspect of my personality. I'm not certain anything really changes people besides necessity and tragedy.
but you hate a woman's every move, then how will you change unless you shed your ego?
ReplyDeleteItd like me writing a blog called aloof girl...saying i had braces and curly hair and none looked at me, in college i looked better, these men they smile at me, give me coffee, offer me lift but i know these dogs are plotting to bed me. They all want a loyal woman to settle with,dont want to take care of the kids, he lll find my downstairs loose once i deliver his child, he will have affairs, if i give sex in first few encounters i ll be labelled slut and he ll brag about it and other men will approach me expecting the saem while i am unaware of thier intentions.....but if i want a man to settle down i ll have to take chance.
Please dont feel bad..i have noticed this in my country (Asian) too.When men from poor background get rich and succesfull more doors are opened infront of them and they fuck around.At the back of thier mind they doubt had it not been for my money? is that tour issue? i assume so :)