I grew up poor. Dirt poor.
Over my adult life, I made money. "Fuck you" money, as in, the answer if I don't like something is "fuck you" because I have money and I don't owe anyone shit.
One thing I always though was that when they day came that I had it together, it would be easy. Women have liked me since I hit puberty. So, having my shit together should mean it will be easy, right?
One of the great revelations of my adult life is this: the problem exists somewhere between my ears.
The simple truth is, whatever the reasons, I am a fucked up person who often cops a shit attitude for no good reason. I'm not an abusive man, not in the physical sense. I'm not even verbally abusive.
I'm emotionally abusive.
I am the definitive distant man. I don't fall in love. I often barely acknowledge a woman even when we're screwing.
The joke? Women eat that shit up.
Women perceive a man's indifference as a signal of his status. He doesn't need her, so he's indifferent. Which, needless to say, makes him hot as hell. This is why women hate men. Women hate that the thing that turns them on the most about a man renders that man permanently unavailable.
The irony is, most distant men aren't signaling status. They're signaling significant emotional damage.
And people wonder why our species is so irrevocably fucked up?
I want to be better than this. But, I don't know how. And even if I did, I somehow suspect I'd never have the courage.