Saturday, October 13, 2012

Guys? Smile more

This is just a bit of field reporting from last night, but . . .

Last night I was out at a bar I really hate.  There's a chick there that bartends who is 100% my type -- big ass, dark hair, sassy mouth.  The thing is, I don't do much to play at bartenders, waitresses, shotgirls, etc.  I've always considered it unfair to game them, since being friendly is a key component of their employment. 

In the past, I haven't sensed any play with this bartender anyhow. 

Last night she was a rough night dealing with the drunks.  At one point she cut a guy off completely.  He gave her hell.  So, she poured him a shot and then knocked it back right in front of him and yelled, "There's yer fucking shot right there!"

I smiled.  I thought that was funny as shit.  Thing is, that was when she broke through and started talking to me.  She was having a rough night and clearly needed a friend. 

We were talking outside the bar after hours while the drunks were still around.  She got pissed at a few of them and pointed at me and told them this is how you behave.  Then she took my hand.  She said I was quiet and not looking to prove anything to anyone.  Lesson being?  This is how you be a man.

The thing is, women like aloof guys for that reason right there.  And gawd knows she was probably digging me way before this.  But, all that sexy aloofness creates a barrier for women. 

That first smile -- right when she needed a smile -- was the breakthrough.

Aloof can be good.  But, at some point the girl's gotta see ya smile.  Women like the tough, aloof, distant guy.  But women need that positive feedback.  Maybe even more when it's with an aloof guy, because that aloofness can shut a girl right down.

So, aloog guys?  Smile a bit more.  Don't worry.  You're not going to overdo it.  It's just not in our nature.


  1. You are a man who craves emtional warmth but does not know how to get there. You have flexed and primped yourself to be fuckable but unobtainable. Like a pornstar! Not really impressive.
    you claim to be able to read women and like the feeling of knowing your effect on them but they cant "have" you. You like the fact that softer women would like to fix you. These are blatent signs of dysfunction, so much so you have pages and pages of self justification/validation. Its clear someone who loved you abandoned you emotionally at a very young age. Who was it, your mother? who rejected you to make you like this. Were you shoved into boarding school? You need to admit to yourself that you are like the women you analyse and find pathetic. A desire for a reltionship but unable. you have an inability not an ability with women. To use the term aloof gives you the misguided notion that there is somehow autonomy in your behaviour and being, but in actual fact, this is who your are-a damaged personality. You can advise other men as much as you like on how to acheive a balance with "aloofness" but the truth is this is a learnt behaviour following emotional scars, people cannot just switch on emotionally dysfunction, it has to already be there to some extent.

    1. First off, sorry for the slow reply. I don't know why but Blogger / Google does a terrible job emailing me notifications.

      Second, I don't disagree with much of your analysis. If this comes off a bit of a self-written hagiography, I apologize. Maybe I'm missing the tone.

      Third: "Were you shoved into boarding school?" Not even close. I do cover my background in some of the earlier posts.

      Fourth: "To use the term aloof gives you the misguided notion that there is somehow autonomy in your behaviour" That's a little too existential when you get down to it. How autonomous is anything any of us do?

      Final item: "You can advise other men as much as you like on how to acheive a balance with 'aloofness'". I've said in several other posts that I really don't advise going about things this way.

      I don't get much feedback on here. I welcome a strong opposing viewpoint. Just, please be aware that like most damaged folks, my biggest opponent is myself.