Saturday, March 31, 2012

If you hafta ask . . .

I'm a big proponent of the notion that we need to teach women how to flirt.  One, because women suck at it.  Two, because it would do a great deal to reduce the painful transactional come-ons that women use when hitting on guys.  Three, because the shit women say when hitting on a guy is so fucking dumb it makes my head hurt.

A case study, if you will . . .

Ladies?  If you have to ask, "Don't you want to know my name?" then the answer is a resounding, "Noooooo..."

I was trying to be polite.  And I managed to not be overtly offensive.  But, there is no right answer when someone is hitting on you, failing miserably and yet remaining persistent.  Seriously, ladies, if you made all the signals -- expressing interest, forearm touching, asking the guy's name, joking, smiling, saying "I'm so drunk", etc -- and the guy's not biting, save yer fuckin dignity and stop.

Also, bonus points will be awarded for not replying, "Is that your real name?" when I answer the "What's your name?" question.  As awful pick-up lines go, that's about as fucking awful as they make 'em.  Once you're saying shit a guy should only ever hear from a stripper, you're really deep in bitch-fuck-off territory.

Ladies?  Some dignity please.  Rejection sucks.  But, it's certainly no reason to double down on your bad pick-up game.  Quite the opposite.  Salvage your dignity before the creepiest guy in the bar catches scent of your desperation and makes his move.

Further bonus points: if that's what you decide to go home with, then frankly you shouldn't have been hitting on me in the first place, bitch.  I ain't stickin my dick anywhere THAT dude's dick has been.  Cross me heart and hope to not die of whatever you two exchanged via bodily fluids.


  1. The "is that your real name?" happened to me last Sunday. I thought "What a question to ask someone. Who does that?".

    Thanks for your post. It puts things in a better context.