Sunday, June 24, 2012

When crossed signals spiral out of control

One thing I hate about human sexuality is the responsibility I feel for women's emotions.  Yeah, I know how that sounds.  But, if more guys were honest about it, you'd hear that one a lot more often.

A little context for my whining . . .

There's a chick at one of the bars I frequent who has gone all-in, completely ga-ga for me.  A couple weeks ago I had  been waiting at the bar to be served.  She was in front of me.  All I was trying to do was ask her if she was in line.  She already had a beer, so it was reasonable to wonder if she had already been served or what.  I tapped her on the shoulder and asked her if she was the back of the line.

She took to be me hitting on her.

While I was standing there still waiting for my drink, she tried several times to restart conversation.  She went for a variant of the classic female pick-up line: "Do I know you? You look like one of my customers over at [another bar]."  I told her no, I've barely ever been there.  She lets it go for a half minute then comes back with "Are you sure?"  Rinse and repeat a few times until I get my beer and sit down.

She spends the rest of that night orbiting around me.  I'm not there long, because I have to go pick someone else up.  But, it was obvious from her activity with her friends what the topic of conversation was.

Now, to be clear, I don't consider her unfuckable.  I just wasn't hitting on her.  And I'm not interested enough to really go with it.  To be blunt, she's past the boundary of the two-point rule at the low end from me.  Plus, I just don't like being muscled into things if they weren't my idea.

The next weekend, she resumes orbiting and eventually works up the nerve to approach me.  She approaches with something to the effect of "We talked last weekend over at the bar, blah-blah-blah."

I confess my response wasn't the nicest thing.  I replied, "If you say so."

She tried a few more reps of the same basic idea.  Blown off repeatedly with "If you say so" she eventually gives up.

Last weekend, she was out again.  I was pretty drunk and dancing with everyone in sight.  She took this opportunity to return the favor and blow me off.

Until . . .

I was hitting on a rather skanky and sluttily dressed chick.  OK, not overly skanky, but she we would have been comfortable as the hot biker momma in a motorcycle gang.  Nearly got into a fight with this one dude over it.  Whatever.

Still rather drunk, I was quizzing a group of people about whether I had been the dick in this exchange.  Without realizing it, the chick from the bar a couple weeks ago was in the group.  I said something to effect of "Hey, you talk to all kinds of people at the bar.  No need to be a dick about it, right?"

She popped in with "Yeah, I talked to you two weeks ago at the bar."  I'll give her that.  She's not shy about dishing out shots when I have them coming.  I tried to apologize.  She didn't say much.  End of night.

So, here's where we get to the part where I feel like a real prick.

This weekend, I go out and she sit down at the table directly in front of me, looking directly at me.  There she is with enough make-up on to shame a prostitute.  Cleavage on full display.  (Have I mentioned before that women don't have a very sane response to me?)

The other three encounters I had with her, she was in the modest to downright boring range.  She looked more like she was going to babysit a 10-month old nephew who likes to throw-up than trying to hook a man.

Not this time, though.

I cannot escape the impression that she was working from the theory of "Fine, if he wants a slut, I'll give him a slut."

I don't have a problem with slutty behavior, if that's your thing.  I'm not a fan of slut shaming.  If a girl wants to play like that, I see it as no more objectionable than a muscled guy going shirtless.  Yeah, there's a bit of an "oh, brother" factor, but whatever.  Humanity's pretty objectionable in general, even without doucheness factored in.

That said, I don't like to think some chick deviated from her normal behavior because she decided that's what I'm after.  That bothers me.  I don't like the idea that anyone would change for me.  It's just creepy.
It's certainly not a response I would have guessed from looking at her.

I feel responsible for her radical change in approach.  I feel like she watched me (drunkenly) hitting on some rather slutty chick and decided, fuck it, let's try that.  It's more aggressive than I would have guessed, but it certainly hues closely with other over-the-top responses I've gotten from women.

Truth be told, I had hoped that having mutual shrugged each other off she would have let it go.  I know better than that from experience.  When women get dialed-in on a guy, they really get dialed-in.  She may not have been amused by my behavior, but that didn't mean she was giving up.

On the bright side, I have a new chick signing up for the job of pining for me for six to twelve months before become resigned to the facts.  That's always fun.  Especially when it's a chick I never had any interesting in sexually signalling.  Those always make me feel particularly bad.

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