Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Why are men so aloof and mean to the girls they love?

[EDIT, Jan 2014: If you're a woman who's coming on here just to lecture me on how you like totally chew up and spit guys like me out, please save the hysterical behavior for some other dude. I get it, ladies . . . You're a precious little princess and you're gonna put me in my place. Yeah, sure, right. Girls make as wimpy of keyboard commandos as they do real life commandos, so save me your ego trip and consider barfing out your angst over your own failed sex life on someone else's blog.]

OK, I know I'm on a bit of a tear lately doing posts centered on inbound search queries, but . . . I also know that a good portion of my readership is made up of women asking the most fundamental question out there: why are men so aloof and mean to the girls they love?

Before I go into detail, on behalf of all the nice guys out there, I just want to remind the ladies that there are nice, non-distant men out there.  And women have an absolutely horrific track record of ignoring them in favor of pricks like me.  I've long insisted one of the big problems women have is that men who don't meet their first wave screening for sexual aggression traits are not even being counted as human.

So . . . just getting that out there ladies.  Ya just might wanna at least give a dweeb half a chance before you go off complaining about me.  Or guys that are worse than me!

Now that that is out of the way, let's address the why question . . .


I can only speak for myself.  But, my aloofness begins with trust issues.  As in, I just don't trust any fucking person.  That's not completely true, but the amount of time it takes to become a person I trust is prohibitive to a romantic relationship.  I expect loyalty from people.  I mean, old-fashioned "you grab the arms and I'll grab the legs and we'll throw this body in the pit" loyalty.

You gonna give a guy you just met that kind of loyalty?  Probably not.

Safe operating distance

Truth be told, I find that humanity and I operate better at a particular distance.  Just as you don't want to stick your face right into a smelter, I've found interpersonal relationships work better for me at a distance greater than arm's length.

Young women are a complete fucking joke

To put it brutally, women of breeding age aren't particularly worthy specimens when you get right down to it.  And women of non-breeding age . . . well, I'm not trying to breed with them for the most part.

The average female in her 20s makes a complete embarrassment of herself.  She humiliates herself chasing bad boys.  She ignores nice guys.  She tells herself a slew of ridiculous lies to protect her ego from her own incompetence.  And then one day she wakes up 30 years old and wonders how it all went to shit.

If I treat a chick like dirt, she follows me around like a lost puppy.  If I treat a chick nice, she picks on me.  If I ignore a chick, she goes out of her way to draw my attention.  If I pay attention to her, she acts like I should go fuck myself.

If we're being honest, why would anyone take such a creature seriously?

Only a complete imbecile (or a guy) would fail to figure out the pattern.

Life's tough and you're a terrible fit

I have never met a woman who I thought was even remotely up to the task of being the mother of my children.  So precisely why the hell should I care?

Maybe you're deluding yourself?

Are you so sure this aloof man who is being mean to you loves you?  Maybe your brain should cut off the line to your ovaries for a couple months and see if you get better results.

Maybe I'm just a prick

Be honest.  Go back and read everything I've posted.  Consider how similar to all the women in my life you are, sunshine.  It might just be a wake up call.

I'm 35 years old and I have never told a woman I love her.  Think very hard on that.

Maybe you're broken and just like chasing aloof guys

One thing I absolutely hate about women is their propensity to think they're somehow exempt from all the bullshit other women have gone through.  It is un-fucking-real the number of women who truly believe they're a unique and beautiful snowflake fluttering through life looking for their one and onliest soulmate.  Please stop doing this.

Consider the other possibility: you are broken and you enjoy chasing aloof men.

To paraphrase a line from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, I'm some kind of notion to women.  I'm the brooding, distant, difficult man that just needs the right girl to come along.  And of course every girl who goes for me thinks she's The One.

You might want to consider that I am not worth the effort.  Consider the astonishing amount of years that women have wasted waiting for me to come around.  Again, take a read of the shit I have posted and just think of all the wasted human life all that shit represents.  Happiness postponed.  Relationships postponed.  Lives postponed.  Children postponed.  All waiting for one guy to come around because, by jove, you're The One and he's worth it!

Bullshit.  You're a dumbass.  And I'm a prick.

The Those Other Bitches Problem

One of the big problems women have is what I call The Those Other Bitches Problem.  Women's perverse need to think they're special leads to the belief that when they in deep for a guy that his faults aren't his faults.  Women believe that whatever didn't work out in that guy's previous relationships, it was the fault of . . . Those Other Bitches.

Those Others Bitches . . . they didn't understand him like I do.

Those Others Bitches . . . they didn't love him like I do.

Those Others Bitches . . . they didn't try hard enough.

Those Others Bitches . . . they aren't me.

Let's be clear: you are just the latest chick to sign up to be added to a list that some future chick will call Those Others Bitches.  You are a Future Other Bitch.  That's a dumb idea.  Don't let it happen.

Women always think they're so fucking special.  And they always think their love is so fucking special.  And they always think that this broken guy they crave is just waiting for her.

No, I'm not.  Too many of Those Other Bitches have already tried.  And ya wanna know the truth?  A lot of Those Others Bitches were better options than you.  Yeah, it's a nasty deal.  But, tough shit.  Not my problem, kitten.

Fixing a broken man isn't worth the effort

I realize that women roll their eyes at this because all the subpar specimens make them want to barf.  Who wants to buy a new Toyota Camry when you can fix up an old '64 Shelby Daytona?  (Just look them both up in Google image search to comprehend the metaphor.)

The problem is that men aren't cars.  You order parts to fix an aloof man online.  You know it;s true, because you're reading this because you went online looking for ways to fix an aloof man.  You are reading this right now because that was, in fact, your entire clever plan in sum.

Disabuse yourself of this notion now.

I'm not some abstract notion

This is the biggest mistake women make with a guy like me.  I exist right at the junction of the female need to nurture and the female need to fuck an aggressive male.  Lots of women like me because I am at once a broken little boy they want to fix and a mean old man that will fuck someone up.  It's potent mix for women.  Women like the idea that big, scary, distant, violent man can also be a quiet, distant, kind boy.  That shit is catnip for women.

The problem is, let's say it works out for you.  Now you have to live with me, dumbass.  You have to raise kids with me.  Pay bills with me.  How do you think that's going to work out?

The problem with women is that they're always fucking the guy in their head.  And of course, the guy in her head is special.  The guy in her head is going to break out of his shell and love her.  The guy in her head is just being distant because he doesn't know how to love -- and guess who is going to teach him, amirite?  The guy in her head is just mean because he needs someone to pull him in.  The guy in her head is just a wonderful mystery waiting to be sorted out.

The problem is you don't get to live with the guy in your head.  You get stuck with me.

Maybe you just like pining because it safer

Some women love aloof guys because they know it isn't going to work out.  And all those months of pining and pining allow her to just going on fucking the guy in her head.  No need to bother with the real thing.  You've got something better!

Guess what, shithead?  That's clinical neurosis.  Enjoy.

So, the problem is you, dear

It's not healthy to chase guys like me.  Fix yourself, bitch.


  1. That is absolutely brilliant and ought to be printed in a pamphlet and forced down the throat of every 11 year old girl in the world. I have pretty much come to the conclusion that sex and love ought to be thrown in the same bin with religion-emotional candy for the weak and insane. Course I am a 43 year old female celebrating a year single post spousal unit by drinking alone. Happily I am still hot but as I have been told by the asshole I met like 3 hours after I moved out, he's got 3 younger hotter women in line ahead of me. When he's not saying just enough to keep me around.

    1. You weren't the blonde looking at me from across the bar Friday night, were you?

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    3. Why were you reading it, then? What line of web searches leads to that, exactly, for the happy wife?

    4. Why did I have the misfortune of reading your article? Curiosity. It's that simple and there's nothing more to it. I'm curious about many topics and when I come across articles such as yours I find it infuriating to say the least. I searched for articles relating to why some men are nasty to beautiful women. Not sure why your article was put in this category. I'm overweight, 178cm and have a husband who adores me. You're no well-respected relationship expert. Although you've made your views on this topic perfectly clear, only a complete and utter moron wull take you seriously because the fact is this is not your area of expertise. And until you are a well-respected relationship expert I suggest you keep your very offensive and narrow minded views to yourself mate! This kind of emotional distancing could be attributed to many things but what first comes to mind is psychopathy. It's clear to see you have a diminished sense of empathy. You sound like a pathetically lonely human being. Although you're probably not man enough to admit it. I think you think you have this intellectual superiority over people. If you feel so strongly about this topic and would like to make something of yourself then you need to take a different approach. In my line of work I assist people from broken homes including indigenous people but never have I come across someone as emotionally distant as you are. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO NEEDS TO FIX YOURSELF. Your calculating and repressed emotions point to psychopathy. I find you antisocial and am confused by your confidence. Instilled in you is a sense of superiority. I like many other readers who have had the misfortune of reading your article, find it nothing but self-involved, depressing and delusional. Your ego is disturbing. Anyway I'm a complete and utter moron for even giving you my precious time. I'm certain you'll reply as it's obvious your life revolves around seeking attention from strangers while you hide behind that computer screen. Obviously you're hiding. Tell readers where you're from, your age and upload a photo. Too afraid???? YEAH I THOUGHT SO. You won't get another response from me but I'm certain you'll jump at the opportunity to reply to me seeing as the truth has probably hurt you. Good luck finding a normal woman. Anna, Northern Territory

    5. Psychopathy? Now, that's just a lazy answer.

    6. Holy hell! Would you disappear! You spend your life replying to comments relating to your pathetic article. Surely your existence can't be this sad. Now that I'm here mystery man who is too gutless to reveal their identity I should educate you. So put your over-inflated ego aside for a minute and listen very carefully. YOU HATE BEING WRONG AND YOU'RE PROTECTING YOURSELF FROM REJECTION. You're an arrogant man and any woman's worst nightmare. OLD, UGLY AND MISERABLE CAN HAPPEN TO BOTH SEXES NOT JUST WOMEN YOU PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING! ANY WOMAN WOULD RATHER STAY SINGLE HER WHOLE LIFE THAN SETTLE FOR A MAN WHO IS IN BAD PHYSICAL CONDITION. ESPECIALLY IF HE IS SOMEONE LIKE YOUR POST DESCRIBES. SO TAKE SOME ADVICE FROM KRISTIN PARSHALL AND MYSELF AND PUT A STOP TO YOUR INCREASINGLY INFLATED EGO. It seems you don't have much life experience. Also, you certainly don't embrace maturity. I grew up in a small aboriginal community in the northern territory and learnt the meaning of respect from a young age. Hopefully one day you'll know the meaning of respect. Please do not contact me again.


      "Please do not contact me again. "

      Contact? Huh? You're replying on my blog.

      You could easily just not reply and achieve the desired effect.

    8. Obviously something in your life has set you on a path of arrogance and superiority, so it is likely your motives for later becoming some complete and utter moron desperate to capture the attention of strangers online were more about superiority, control and sadism, rather than wanting to assist others with their relationship problems. BY THE WAY, I SUGGEST YOU GET YOUR DICTIONARY OUT BECAUSE CLEARLY YOU ARE CONFUSED BY THE MEANING OF COMPELLING! You're so comfortable hiding behind that computer screen. You're aware that saying these things in a person's face would get you in trouble and the world would be a better place! What's on the agenda today mystery man? Replying to online comments relating to your article. You have a morbid fascination with the subject. And clearly blogster25 is a passive moron. I'm certain you wouldn't be this confident if we met in person! Please do not hesitate to contact me if you're interested in meeting in person so we can discuss this subject in more detail. Otherwise continue spreading your burden online. You have way too much time on your hands!

    9. https://www.google.com/search?q=COMPELLING&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8

    10. Anne? It's my blog. Either tone it the hell down or I'll start deleting your comments.

      I don't like to be the type of blogger who deletes dissenting views, and I usually refrain from doing so unless someone acts like a royal asshole. You're across that line now.

      There's nothing wrong with having a strong opinion that's different than mine, but you can do it without just pounding away at people with insults.

      My house. My rules. Settle down just a tad.

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  2. Oh boy. You dear are a man who hates women. Some woman fucked you up in the past, could have been a GF or your mommy, and every girl who has the misfortune of meeting you has to pay for it. I'm betting whoever messed you up was YEARS ago but every girl knows, you men never get over it......never. You have deep-seeded emotional baggage and refuse to get a grip. You should stop playing the victim and be happy any woman even looks in your direction before you end up old, ugly and miserable with nothing but internet porn to nurse your loneliness. Weak guys like you are fun to bat around for a few weeks and DUMP because you deserve it for being a prick. :) Get over yourself.

    1. I would encourage you to listen rather than just jump right to playing judgmental.

      "old, ugly and miserable" is what happens to women. Not to be an ass, but that's reality. My dad married a woman less than half his age when we damned near 60.

      "Weak guys like you are fun to bat around for a few weeks and DUMP because you deserve it for being a prick. :) "

      I've never had this happen to me. In truth it makes me wonder what your issues might be, sunshine. I know my issues and I'm fairly upfront about them. What makes you so ready to jump on my shit?

    2. Man the comment editing options on Blogger suck . . . anyhoo . . .

      It's worth noting that you came into my blog by Googling some variant the subject of "why are men so mean". So shall we discuss the origin of that one?

  3. I think Electrokate is full of shit in trying to curry your favor, but take away the insincerity and the life story and her random opinions on sex and love, and I agree with her that your blog is one young women could benefit from reading, only because it is honest and cautionary.

    1. Curried favor has never been my thing, so I don't disagree.

      "it is honest and cautionary"

      I don't know. I tend to think I'm a weird enough case within the general male population that I wouldn't put a ton of value on anything specific from my own experience. I don't believe many guys approach things from the angle that I do (which is, if we're being honest, pretty fuckin damaged).

  4. And at the same time you think you are special.. Just like 'those other bitches'... No offense btw just saying:)

    1. "broken" doesn't equal "special"

    2. Do you mind if I ask what great question brought you to this part of the internet?

      My guess is that your catty response indicates you didn't like my answer to your particular question.

      My experience talking to female commenters on this blog has taught me that most of them are looking for a manual on how to hack a particular guy they like.

  5. Actually a guy like you doesn't sound like an incubus or anything... The way you think is plain. You're the kind of dude that's great to meet over a $2 cup of Pete's coffee (dutch I always go dutch), about once every month and a half. You're probably a good platonic friend because I'm sure you're a great listener (you write like one). Your personality isn't very attractive to me (personally) because you sound like a creature of habit. You're so plain that I probably would never censor anything I say around someone like you. I wouldn't mind telling you about my smelly farts, and being unnatractive to you wouldn't matter because I put guys like you in the acquaintance/platonic buddy category. It's a great/honest blog because honesty is king. Cheers b*tches !!! :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

    1. The closer you get to the truth, the louder the caterwauling, as evidenced by you....instead of de-constructing his points and providing counter arguments/evidence you resort to name calling and personal attacks. Ahh, 3rd wave feminism 101.

      And so enters the Jezebel/left wing/fem freak, who, as demonstrated by your googleplus commentary, distorts and misrepresents anything that shatters your worldview. I am glad I never grew up in the US, solely for not having to interact with the ever common species of female such as yourself characterised by snark and condescension and little substance.

    2. I thought the desire to label me "boring" was hilariously on the nose when it comes to the things the PUA bloggers talk about with the female psyche.

      Of course a lot this is attempt to illicit a response where I would attempt to qualify myself by saying, "Nuh-uh, I'm a totally exciting guy -- allow me the privilege of proving it to you anonymous internet cat lady!"

      Yup . . . right on it, sexy internet lady. I bet she's just a hoot at 2am when she's sitting there drunkenly scouting for the last guy left in the bar who might be willing to fuck her.

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  6. I love the number of women who come into the comment section and feel the need to lay the negativity on so thick.

    Why is so important to you chicks to make an effort to tear into me? Is a random, anonymous dude on the internet really THAT big of a threat to your own ego?

    You're hardly the first chick to come on here and lay on the whole "I spit guys like you out" routine on me.

    "You're the kind of dude that's great to meet over a $2 cup of Pete's coffee"

    Did you even bother to read the rest of the blog? Like all women, I'm sure effort isn't your strong suit, but make an effort before you pull your condescension muscle, kitten.

    Also, love the extra exclamation points and smiley faces at the end. That's always the mark of a grown woman in full control of her faculties.

    1. BTW, may I ask what brought you here, dear?

      I'm guessing you're not doing well with a guy like me IRL, because that seems to be what attracts most of the chicks who come to this blog.

      Something has to drive all this angry "you go girl", "give yourself a hand" pride that you all seek to barf out all over my poor, unassuming, innocent, and entirely well-meaning blog.

  7. I really loved it!!! So honest and upfront. I realised my mistake after marriage, evrything was clear in my head...my flaws which is common thread which runs through almost all females in this world. I never fell for any bad boy in my life...I am not that stupid.My husband was a well behaved guy but has a different mean face in private.

    Men are much less complicated.They know what they want...a clean girl who will raise his children. who his friends wont get to f&^k when he is out of town fucking his other women or children or preteens.He will pay for flight ticket and resort to fuck around but will never pay his child's fee.Same was with my dad and my husband...women are plain stupid and men understand our stupidity which makes it worse

    But i loved reading your write up , there were lines which took me by surprise.How can a man write so accurately about women.Please do more write up....I love reading a man's perspective more than a woman cos its a man's world after all.

    1. That was just a man who was willing to firewall his world. Not all of them are. In fact, the best alphas often do it French style, and let the mistress and the wife know of each other.

  8. You're absolutely right and as a woman who's made all of the above mistakes and learnt these lessons, I salute you for your honesty! Thank you!

  9. Life what a waste! The good dudes meet the lousy babes while nice chicks land on the fake guys. I appreciate your honesty, but is that all about life? FINGER POINTING and blaming!!!!! Can't we just all try to be simply loving to one another. Life is just a short journey why stress yourself throughout.

  10. This women think they are special thing, oh yes, I agree with you, I am a female, and I have had women chase after my boyfriends, they are trying to "show me" they are better than me because they "understand him better" than me, he will never flirt with others if he was with them, so when someone can steal a guy from he, I cut him loose. But I also met this woman who was SO delusional I thought she was joking at the beginning, but oh no. She would let me and the other women in my former job know that "all the men there adored her" so she was going to get everything she wanted and was never going to face any of their attitudes we had to deal with some times. Seriously! She would try to make us mad and "fish" for negative reactions, then she would make use of these reactions she was looking for to go to the men and make these bs stories about how we, the "other bitches" were "so mean" to her, because "we were jealous of her" it was quite the joke! So I was always neutral to everything she said, absolutely no reaction....and laughing out loud in my head. One particular time she had to work directly with a guy who is usually nice (and yeah, to ALL of us by the way, not just to her) but can have real prick moments, especially when people don't do what he told them to. So another woman told her "beware, X can be a real prick some times", what did she reply to us? "Every guy here loves me, so I won't have those problems" I'm not joking!. Lo and behold, the guy was a prick to her, and suddenly she was complaining all the time that "X is such a jerk!" Go figure! I also heard awful things that other guys said about her, but I keep my mouth shut, because she would claim I made them up. If she heard them from them too I doubt she would wake up and smell the coffee, she would blame it on the " rest of us bitches who are jealous of her turning those guys against her", what a joke. If anything, I know men make their own minds and decisions about people. They are not waiting for women to tell them what to think.

  11. You seem like a blunt dude, and I like that. Thanks for sharing your opinions.

  12. Your article was brutal and I feel heartbroken and spirit-broken after having read it because it's so confident and well-thought out despite portraying an extremely depressing and dark view point. Is there any part of you that believes in true love and meaningful connections between people? Have you ever met a woman you felt was genuinely smart and special? If not, do you ever think you will in your life? If not, isn't that a terrible way to live your one life?

    1. I'm gonna take the easy question first , , ,

      "Have you ever met a woman you felt was genuinely smart and special?"

      1) For as brutally as I can sometimes bash on women, I don't believe that there are meaningful intelligence differences between the two sexes. I do think women and men often apply their intelligence to different arenas.

      2) Special? Yes.

      In fact there were at least three women who considered me to be husband material who I would have had no qualms about wifing up.

      There's one who I somewhat regret not making a real effort to engage. She is the subject of these two posts:



      Never fucked her, BTW. (That behavior is explained here: http://aloofguy.blogspot.com/2013/12/a-two-track-approach-to-being-avoidant.html )

      "Is there any part of you that believes in true love and meaningful connections between people?"

      I do, but I believe it has to forged under the kind of adverse circumstances that rarely occur anymore in our society. I knew an old couple that died a few years back who had a weak marriage until the wife went through cancer toward the end of their child raising years. When they died they had the genuine war buddy bond and were inseparable.

  13. i recently had an experience with a male not unlike yourself (or the description of yourself you've provided). the sex was out of this world but he immediately became aloof and i quickly caught on what type of man he was. what i don't care about is fixing him, being life partners with him, or making him care about me. like you said, being stuck with a piece of shit like that for life would be AWFUL. what i DO want is to fuck him and use his body whenever i feel like. is there a hack or a secret to getting what i want or does a man like this lose sexual interest immediately after conquering a woman once? any insight would help me decide to either move on to the next souless fuck puppet or invest in one that really suits me.

    1. Nope. If a boy doesn't want to keep getting his fuck on with you, there's pretty nothing you can do.

      You can try vamping it up and creating some indication that whatever disappointed him into acting aloof is now gone, but other than turning the sexy dial up to 10 and breaking it off, there isn't much you can do.

  14. thank you for your helpful response to both questions and the referrals to your other articles. i'm not completely sure if the male in question has lost interest because he still responds, albiet aloofly. which leads to confusion on my part because why would he keep responding if he were no longer sexually interested, especially since we've already had the sex. if i do choose to play his game, will there most likely be a dick-shaped prize at the end? as for vamping it up, i'm not interested in acting any differently than i normally do but i would like to know if there are certain passphrases (other than "Are you queer or something?") that might take me to the next level.

    1. Honestly? I don't think you're gonna get very far. I'd suggest going with the "Are you queer" simply because in your situation almost any aggressive gambit seems worth putting out there.

  15. Lacking a consistent ----ology on 'how to be a decent freaking person' or 'healthy relationships' in the schools, it's left to unbelievably desperate housewives, befuddled dads and schoolyard friends to all self-educate on How to Be and that's usually How to Be an Ass Clown. I think most of us humans are ass clowns. Hence surrounded by assclowns you grow trust issues and so on. The cycle continues. A wonderful world. My guy is intermittently a jerk but that's just because he is a bona fide idiot, jerk and wants to control me. But, he's pretty hot, and funny, so I guess I have to learn to just not care if he cares more about appearing correct (even when clearly not), than just owning up when he causes hurt unnecessarily. Unfortunately, it hurts intensely for the time being, even to the point of having chest pain when it happens and aging a month a day. I was lucky enough to avoid this Aloof Jerk stuff for many years. But I just HAD to have the HUNK didn't I. Trouble... trouble trouble trouble

    1. I suspect you won't do that badly with him. The difficult, aloof jerk is typically defending something worthwhile. The question tends to be whether anyone wants to fight their way in to find it.

    2. I fought my way in - after 50+ breakups, he finally married me. I still have a man that acts like an assclown to me and our young children every time he is stressed. Cussing, throwing tantrums, throwing the kids toys around the living room. Then he wonders why his children throw fits the same way he does when they don't get their way. Think about this: men are attracted to younger women (some even attracted to pre-pubescent girls). But women marry a man who acts like a toddler. Is there really much difference here?

    3. Funny thing marriage is - I have another over-grown toddler in my husband to take care of, nurture and kiss their boo boos. I don't get a break from the kids, no sex when I want it, no empathy when I'm not feeling well but have to baby him when he is in pain, and he lies to me whenever it suits him. You put all the work in to chase a man like this, and you are forever chasing him even after you catch him, because his mind is always somewhere else (on himself, on other girls, on his work, on porn).

    4. "after 50+ breakups, he finally married me"

      Holy shit!

      Not to be a dick, but that one's on you. I'm not the temper tantrum type anyhow, so maybe I don't follow the logic, but holy shit.

      There's a stage where you have the ask the question: what's the reward you're getting from it?

      Why would you go through a series of breakups and tantrums? At some level, you're getting some type of emotional satisfaction from it.

  16. Loved your honesty - it can actually help someone - thank you

  17. Reading all the comments related to what was said is funny. OK the HOW it was said could be a bit harsh for many to digest. But if you read the WHAT of what was said, there is something to learn here. Obviously not ever situation relates exactly to every person. But basically my interpretation of the meaning of this was : stop trying to fantasize the actions of this type of guy into something you wish it was, instead look at it as what is really probably is. Yes we women do want to feel we are special - often times we choose to ignore the warning signals and forge on Hoping, wishing the situation was different.
    At the end of the day - each person has the right to determine how they want to progress along in their actions with another person. All this guy ( as arrogant and brutal as he may have sounded) wanted you to recognize was :
    Stop trying to rationalize why a guy appears to be an asshole and recognize the fact that he IS an Asshole and more than likely nothing you do is going to change that fact, so don't be surprised at the end of the day, when you end up exactly where you started - NOWHERE.