Tuesday, June 11, 2013

How to attract an aloof man

This one keeps popping up in the searches, so perhaps I ought to address it.  Let's start with a few key assumptions

First off, let's assume the guy in question is sincerely aloof and not putting you on.  I'm not a believer that guys can fake aloofness for very long.  A Texas leg hound eventually wants to find a leg to hump.  He isn't going to play coy for overly long.  It's not in his nature. Same goes for PUA types.  Playing back for any real length of time rather defeats the purpose of PUA.

Second, let's assume he is aloof for some long-term reason.  That is to say you haven't just encountered him at a bad time in his life.  It can be hard for women to realize a guy might have a life outside of them.  Try.  Make that leap of imagination.

Third, let's assume he might be interested in you.  Although, frankly, you'd be wise to consider the possibility he's not.  But, you're a girl stuck on a guy.  And if there's one thing I've learned from being the aloof guy that chicks pine for, it's that women can rationalize away anything if they think a guy is "The One".  You should disabuse yourself of this notion, but . . . I'm guessing you won't.

Four, let's assume you're willing to put in the time it might take.  I'm assuming that if you're trying to "attract" an aloof man, what you're really trying to do is induce him into asking you out.  My experience with women suggests they struggle with ever openly asking men for what they want.  So, it's fair to assume you're not actually going to do jackshit yourself.  Like all women, you're kind of a fuckin joke at the level where making the world go your way actually happens.  Be honest.  We've all be there.  You know the facts of your own life.

So, what do you do?

The Basic Female Approach

I am a big believer in my own model of how girls approach guys.  This is the female orbiter system.  She'll come around into his personal space.  If she knows him well enough, she'll try to chat him up and induce him into relating.  If she doesn't know him, she'll try to orbit, maybe smile, make it known.

The problem, of course, is that women think they're clever.  Worse, guys are dense.  And scared shitless.  So, all this orbiting usually just turns into a comedy of errors.  The girl can't, for biological reasons, bring herself to actually ask.  The guy has been shamed by society into thinking he doesn't have the right to ask.  She orbits.  He misses the signals or wimps out.  Rinse and repeat.

That said, the basic female approach of a guy is probably the best you're gonna do.  Truth be told, I am not convinced many women have it in them to pursue an aloof guy.  They want the validation of inducing the aloof guy to pursue them, but, at the base of it, women just don't have it in them to ask for what they want. 

I've known chicks who absolutely swooned over me and thought I was the greatest thing ever do everything they could to get my attention.  They'll orbit.  They'll make small talk.  They'll get pissed.  They'll wave at you.  They'll smile.  They will embarrass themselves.  The one thing they won't do is just come the fuck out and say something.

So, ya know . . . good luck with that.

Just say it!

Ha.  Who are we kidding?  You won't.

Be confrontational

It's horrible to say it, but this has generally been he one that works on me.  I once screwed a chick in a parking lot just because she questioned my sexuality for not paying attention to her.  It was after closing time at the bar.  I was just standing around trying to sober up.  She kept giving me shit for not digging her.  Finally, she out and asked, "Are you queer or something?"  I played it off, but eventually she got what she wanted.

Not my proudest moment.  And probably not the exchange you are hoping to have with a guy.  But, ya know what?  Tough shit, sunshine.  There's no version of this where the polite way works.  So, it's time to lay on some bitchiness.

Be sexy

Women really underrate this tactic.  As a guy, you spend huge portions of your life watching women act like sex is the most horrible thing on the planet.  That guys who want sex should burn in hell.  When a chick lays on the sex appeal, if there is the slightest hint of interest in the guy, it's going to work.

If you want the long version, read here.  There's a lot to be said for taking the guess work out of it.  Again, we guys can be very dense.  Sometimes, it's just easier to cut the bullshit and play for the win.

Even if you're not up for the full bump and grind, a little kino goes a long way.  Touch his forearm or his knee or his shoulder.  Smile.  Do more than just sit there like a piece of dead meat waiting for him to do something.

Be realistic, aka give the fuck up

You don't want to outright ask him out.  You aren't going to confront him.  And you're not going to be sexy.  Sometimes, giving up is the best choice.  Be honest with yourself.  You're not doing this for any redeeming reason.  You're doing it for your ego.  And that means you aren't going to risk jackshit to get the guy.

I have dealt with women who were absolutely convinced I was The One.  They've sat there red faced and spitting.  They've tried the most outlandish tricks in the book to make their intentions known without outright saying what they wanted.  I've been asked multiple times, "Why are you so mean?"  They orbit.  They hint.  They smile.  They sometimes make a quick touch of the knee.

And then they withdraw, come back again a week later and do the same failed shit again.  And they keep doing this until they get really, really pissed. 

You know what the really invested ones never, ever do?  They never just ask.

So, be honest.  You're not going to ask.  And it's not going to work out.  Move the fuck on.  Stop embarrassing yourself.

1 comment:

  1. I love this soooo much😁😁😁 it's spot on! I'm a woman who is crazy about an aloof guy...super mysterious and DEFINATELY plays coy. To My horror,My sister sent him our txt conversation about him to him 😧😧 she said well you will never just come right out and tell him so I finally meddled into your non existent love lifeπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ thank you for this article! ☺Robin thompson