Saturday, February 23, 2013

Just because she smacks you in the face doesn't mean she doesn't like you

Four rather disappointing online dating experiences got me in the mood a couple weeks ago to get back into my usual dating pool: party girls at 2am!!

I was sitting at the far end of the bar where I have the best record for pulling hot chicks on short notice.  It was a weak night, mostly because the bar was attracting a mob of 40 y.o. chicks having too much fun and 22 y.o. hipsters who . . . well, they exist and that's all I ever want to say about them as a species.  But, I was drinking and texting and not much else.

Out of the blue, this chick pulls up beside me at the bar and leans in to order.  She turns herself about a quarter my direction and lets on the knowing smile.

Every now and then I have a moment of clarity.  (Like right now, I suddenly realized I need to post the story of my threesome in Spain during the summer of 2011, because it's a much better example!!)  When I have a moment of clarity with a woman, I know it's on from the second I see her.  I know I'm going to win.

This chick was one of those moments.  Solid top ten hottest chick I've ever been with.  About 5'7", 135 lbs.  Fat in all the right places and none of the wrong places!  Boomin figure.  Solid 8, really a low 9, even if you're Brad Pitt level sexy.  Hot chick sending direct signals.

I get up, I walk behind her and I say "hi".  She looks over her shoulder, smiles and just starts dancing to music.  So, I put my hands on her waist, start grinding her as she's talking to the bartender.  I pull her hair back and start necking with her as she's getting her drink.  She dances harder.  I rub her up and down.

Eventually, the bartender (female, BTW) glares at me and tells me to stop.  I don't.  She then tells me I really need to stop.  I back off and walk away to the bar on the other side of the dance floor and get a beer over there.

So, I'm drinking my beer and I just stay there leaning back against the bar, looking at the crowd.  A few minutes later, the hot chick comes by and orders a drink from this bar.  I blow her off and ignore her.  She starts dancing and makes a point of repeatedly bumping into me until I can't take it anymore.

Once again, I get in behind her and start grinding.  This time, I really go for it.  I'm groping her.  This is basically public indecency.  A friend of mine who witnessed the incident told everyone he saw I was, and this is a direct quote of the story I indirectly heard about fifth-hand, "face fucking her".  I have never had a story like this about me get around so quickly.  Apparently I am now a minor local legend.

Eventually the bartender (again, another female) ruins it for me.  She tells me I really need to stop.  Several times.  And finally the hot chick turns around and slaps me.  I lightly apologize and walk away with a big shit-eating grin.

Now, kids, remember that this was a "moment of clarity" for me.  This hot chick wanted to fuck and I knew it.  I knew she only slapped me because the bartender was shaming her for letting me do it.

So, I went to the far end of the bar and waited.  Eventually, the hot chick gets into a fight with same bartender.  I can only guess why, but knowing the nature of the great female defensive circle, I'm guessing the bartender tore into her for letting me have my way with her and then she figured to tell the bartender to fuck herself.  Defensive chicks don't like to see men get away with shit.  Horny chicks don't like to be judged by others.  Put the two together?  That shit turns into an episode of Mythbusters.  BOOOM!

Whatever the case, I decided to escort the hot chick out.  Outside we talked and the hot chick made short work of it, asking me if I wanted to go home with her.  I said yes.  We got into her car.

Between the car and her place, we spent a couple hours together.  We actually made short work of the sex part.  And then she just buried herself in my chest and sat there nibbling on skin.  And, since it wouldn't be an Aloof Guy special without it -- yup, she barfed her soul out to me about everything!!

And eventually she returned me to my car and we parted ways.  Come to think of it -- I never got her name or her number!  Holy shit, am I wrong or what?!

So . . . it was nice to get back on the horse after my abjectly annoying online dating experience.  The worst part is I only ever get that perfect clarity after I've been thoroughly frustrated.  Oh, well.  And I do need to get the Spain story up sometime.  That one is actually better.

I also need to make myself a note sometime to start getting hot chicks' names and phone numbers.  Damn, I have issues.  Especially when I'm frustrated in that pure zone.  Oh, well.  The clear mind wants what the clear mind wants.

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