Monday, December 16, 2013

More fun with search queries

Since many people are willing to ask Google a question but not me . . .

"Are aloof men overly sexual?"

First, most modern psychologists classify avoidant personality problems as being a subset of sex addiction. If you're looking for the answer that science offers, then the answer is basically "yes".

Second . . . my own personal and completely unscientific experience as aloof /avoidant / autistic / whatever the fuck flavor it is today on the menu . . . "no".

The hard part in my viewpoint is defining what "overly sexual" even means. There's an old Woody Allen joke about a couple in therapy. The wife is like, "OMG, he's a sex maniac! He wants to screw like three times a week!" The husband is like, "We barely ever have sex. Maybe three times a week!"

You get the point, I'd guess.

It's worth noting that I tend to employ a two-track coping mechanism that allows me to track sexual needs to one set of partners and emotional needs to another set of partners. This is generally not considered the model of how avoidant personalities handle things. The typical avoidant person engages in a single committed sexual relationship and then basically starves their partner of attention.

I have my suspicions that the diagnosis is heavily over-used by couples counselors who have no trade in telling 40 year old women the real reason their husbands don't want to fuck them anymore (age, weight, weight, weight, boredom, weight, change in social status, age, weight,  and a little more age). If you're really worried about your relationship, you might want to give that idea a serious hearing before you dismiss it an move on to "he's being aloof". I say that for the benefit of being thorough, knowing full well that every woman dodges these questions in favor of preserving her ego. Whatever. I said it. It's up to you whether you bother to really think it.

I never really understood how to explain to other people how I feel about sex. First off, I largely do not enjoy sex. I've always felt that it was terribly over-rated. Yes, I get that lacking the emotional component in a sexual relationship is expected to deprive me of some of the value, but even in a rather narrow, beastly, and sociopathic construct, I just don't see the wonder in sex. For me it's like taking a piss that's been held in. It's relaxing and a relieving. But, I've never really gotten the high that other claim.

Mind you that I don't get the high that other people claim from a lot of things. Something really, really, really has to set the excitement meter off for me to even register it. In truth, the only really great high I ever get is from beating the system. Anytime I cheat and get away with it (or especially exploit the system in a non-cheating, not-ethical manner) that's when I really enjoy life.

That actually tends to make sex a bit depressing for me. To be blunt, when I'm really driven to get a woman, it's easy. And the one thing you have to understand with me is that easy is pointless and depressing to me. For example, work and making money is depressing as fuck. Mind you that I am good at it. But it's hard for me once I'm above the baseline that I need to survive and "enjoy life" (I use quotes because I don't truly enjoy anything for very long) it's hard for me to care.

In other words, women are like work to me. I do enough to deal with the issue effectively, but on balance I don't understand love addicts or sex addicts any more than I understand workaholics. So, for my part, it's difficult to conceive of myself as "overly sexual".

No comments:

Post a Comment