This is one of those posts I've had floating in my head a while. Let's just be honest about life for a sec . . . One of the the biggest things that holds people back in love and relationships is the fear that they're either settling or getting into something about their grade. "What if I find someone else?" and "What if I can't sustain this?" are the two biggest fears people have when evaluating the long-term worth of a new relationships and deciding whether to advances with it.
In the manosphere part of the internet, there's a bit of a low hum idea that if you're going long-term that you should seek a woman that's a bit below you're 10-point scale number. The basic notion is that her fear and uncertainty will keep her honest.
I disagree with this idea. Why? Personal experience.
The most difficult situations I've ever had were with women who were worried that I was too good for them. I don't handle the emotional maintenance needs of others well anyhow, so for me it just feels like this constant pounding. If before a first date a chick is already giving me the "I can't wait" treatment, I tend to get concerned. Because those women tend to need constant maintenance.
Now, I have the advantage that hot chicks tend to like me. As I've said before, if there's a hot chick in a bar who is really on to land the toughest guy available, she tends to go straight for me. No real surprise there, because if you're decent looking, have your shit together, and can stay emotionally distant, women will eat that shit up.
The only time that women that score a 6 or lower bother me is if they're drunk. Really, really, drunk. Or if they're with a group of friends and one of them decides she's going to show the others how the fuck it's done. I'm popular with the "Bullshit! I fucking dare you!" demographic about a half hour after drink specials end. I also draw the occasional shot at 1:30am from the girl who decides "Fuck it, he hasn't danced with anyone all night -- I'm asking him!"
By comparison, a sober 8 who is on her cycle will gravitate to me the minute she walks into the bar. Usually just straight-up girl approach with increasingly tighter orbits until she hits her limit for complete self-embarrassment. Sometimes she'll go for the soft verbal approach with a single light touch. And then there is the every now and then bump-that-wasn't-a-bump approach.
For my part, anyhow, it's easier to maintain a partner who is more attractive through simple aloofness than it is to try to maintain a less attractive partner complex emotional maintenance. I can only handle so many non-subtle requests for validation before I'm done. If you really don't think you can roll with me, then you shouldn't have gone out for the date in the first place.
What's funny for me is that I couldn't pick up a chubby 5 from Plenty of Fish of OK Cupid to save my fucking life. In fact, OLD was an unmitigated disaster for me. I can go out to any busy bar on any given weekend and pretty much grab the hottest single chick there without speaking and play it off like it's nothing and have it work.
I'll concede that a decent chunk of what attracts women to me is my comportment. I tend to game solo and sit by myself or just lean against the wall, talking to the occasional friend who filters past, but not really engaging at length in socialization. And women make their orbits past and try to get my attention. If you've read the blog much, you know I enjoy this a lot. I'm not really happy until they stat embarrassing themselves for my benefit.
I encourage any guy who's truly interest in learning some game to focus on developing an effortless aloofness to whatever level they can credibly maintain without risking incongruity with how they will seem once they open their mouths. Once you find your level for that, figure out what are the hottest chicks available that are drawn to it, and from there proceed toward whatever goal you have (sex, marriage, love, whatever consensual kink you're into). Don't go lower. Someone has to own the relationship, and the easiest relationship to own is a hot enough guy keeping a really hot girl trapped in a co-dependent relationship.
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