I've decided at long last to make sure this blog is 100% free from advertising. I believe I have successfully cleaned all genuinely commercial links and ad blocks from the site, but . . . if you find one, please report it. Truth be told, I don't think the content here really should be commercialized, but thanks for trying push that on me, Google.
I also plan to add a way to privately communicate with me here. I'm seeing some search queries that are indicating that people wish to talk back but may not be wild about publicly posting comments. It will probably just be email, since I can't think of anything else that really does the job of keeping all the communication off the web. I'm open to suggestions if anyone knows the newer social media services well enough to point out a usable system beside email.
Monday, December 30, 2013
Sunday, December 29, 2013
The art of the soft neg
The neg is a cornerstone concept among the PUA types. It's the idea that you have to tear a girl's ego down a little bit in order to get her attention. As always, the Urban Dictionary does justice with its explanation: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=neg
Here's the thing, though: lots of guys who've been rubbed the wrong way by women over a lifetime take the neg as a license to firebomb a chick into surrender. The neg -- which ought to be a gateway drug into the sort of witty intellectual wordplay that gets high-quality women properly hot in their drawers -- tends to turn into a fucktarded fuckfest rather quickly. It's like handing a child a rifle and then immediately pointing out that there's a selector on it for more than just single shot action. It simply doesn't take very long before the child says "fuck precision" and just starts blasting everything in sight.
The neg is a good thing. Witty play is a core component of human sexuality. It's how high-quality women separate the dregs from the real gents. The art of saying something slyly condescending without being offensive is one of the highest demonstrations of value that a man can display.
And it's so simple . . .but in the way that sushi is simple. Sushi -- real sushi -- isn't raw fish. Any moron can sell raw fish and lots of morons do. And the true connoisseur knows it tests for it diligently.
Step One: Find a personal truth. How does she present herself? Is she cutsey? Is she goth? Does she believe she's a successful career woman? What sales pitch does she present that she herself is trying to buy into and is praying that you buy into?
Step Two: Contradict that truth . . . lightly. The neg is not about hurling bombs at people. The trick is to lightly nibble at the edges of her personal truth.
An example: if she presents as tough, then you contradict her toughness. That doesn't mean you knock on her ass and call her "cupcake". It means you lightly hint that you see past that personal truth, and that that's OK. You can tell her she seems too nice to really pull off the whatever tough girl look she's presenting.
Step Three: Meaningfully consider her response. Lots of PUA types will drone on the idea that the chick's response doesn't mean much. They're wrong in this particular case. How she reacts to that first soft neg of a core personal truth is a huge indicator of whether you should stick around for the rest of the show. If the wannabe tough girl doubles down on the tough girl routine instead of either playfully batting the remark aside or complimenting you on noticing the truth, then you need to consider finding the exit because the train to Crazy Bitch Junction may be leaving with you onboard.
Step Four: Refrain from further negging for a bit. When guys neg, they tend to pile on. This is a roundly bad idea. Social-sexual conversations are push-pull scenarios. Push-pull is, at its base, a form of torture. And like all forms of torture, it's most effective when the torturer becomes a safe place for the victim to flee. (In fact, that's pretty much the entire art of domming if you ever get into bondage.) Any good push-pull technique should be about 80% pull and 20% push, with adjustments as necessary for misbehavior and consistency when true misbehavior occurs.
A proper neg says something simple: I see you for who you really are.
Most women are far better attuned to understanding social signals than most men. And both genders tend to see the other gender through the filter of themselves. That means that women tend to overthink the social savvy that lurks behind any comment a guy makes. Women worry deeply about hidden meanings that would make men nauseous.
When a man dials his behavior in right, he signals at once that he understands the woman's emotional world and that he's not bothered by it. There's a thin line between "I see you" and "OMFG let's braid each other's hair!" The neg, when done right, services the need to demonstrate as masculine (little boys pick on girls) while still signalling some social savvy.
Every woman has a core mythical unicorn-monster that she sees as her idealized male. She wants him to be good looking and sexually appealing to all women, but she wants him to be loyal to her. She wants him to tough and strong and ready to kill the next motherfucker that comes down the street, but she wants him to preferably not beat her offspring to death if at all practicable. She wants him to have some sense of the feminine inner world without being pussified.
That's why the soft neg works well. It's a simple statement that yes, I am a man, yes; I can see you as a woman; yes, I appreciate what that means; and yes, I am in control without going off on a reckless bashing spree.
The human brain evolved as a challenge-response verifier for social and sexual combat. To shit test someone is the most human of activities. To neg someone is a step toward saying, "Yes, I see you laid bare and it doesn't bother me." Women, as the arbiters of social success, desire men that can present as masculine and still see past these things. They want you to be masculine, they want them to be feminine, and they want you to be able to live in that world without being a shaved ape with a chainsaw or a sniveling twat who can't quit crying.
Honestly? It's not that goddamned much to ask.
Here's the thing, though: lots of guys who've been rubbed the wrong way by women over a lifetime take the neg as a license to firebomb a chick into surrender. The neg -- which ought to be a gateway drug into the sort of witty intellectual wordplay that gets high-quality women properly hot in their drawers -- tends to turn into a fucktarded fuckfest rather quickly. It's like handing a child a rifle and then immediately pointing out that there's a selector on it for more than just single shot action. It simply doesn't take very long before the child says "fuck precision" and just starts blasting everything in sight.
The neg is a good thing. Witty play is a core component of human sexuality. It's how high-quality women separate the dregs from the real gents. The art of saying something slyly condescending without being offensive is one of the highest demonstrations of value that a man can display.
And it's so simple . . .but in the way that sushi is simple. Sushi -- real sushi -- isn't raw fish. Any moron can sell raw fish and lots of morons do. And the true connoisseur knows it tests for it diligently.
The art of the soft neg in detail
Step One: Find a personal truth. How does she present herself? Is she cutsey? Is she goth? Does she believe she's a successful career woman? What sales pitch does she present that she herself is trying to buy into and is praying that you buy into?
Step Two: Contradict that truth . . . lightly. The neg is not about hurling bombs at people. The trick is to lightly nibble at the edges of her personal truth.
An example: if she presents as tough, then you contradict her toughness. That doesn't mean you knock on her ass and call her "cupcake". It means you lightly hint that you see past that personal truth, and that that's OK. You can tell her she seems too nice to really pull off the whatever tough girl look she's presenting.
Step Three: Meaningfully consider her response. Lots of PUA types will drone on the idea that the chick's response doesn't mean much. They're wrong in this particular case. How she reacts to that first soft neg of a core personal truth is a huge indicator of whether you should stick around for the rest of the show. If the wannabe tough girl doubles down on the tough girl routine instead of either playfully batting the remark aside or complimenting you on noticing the truth, then you need to consider finding the exit because the train to Crazy Bitch Junction may be leaving with you onboard.
Step Four: Refrain from further negging for a bit. When guys neg, they tend to pile on. This is a roundly bad idea. Social-sexual conversations are push-pull scenarios. Push-pull is, at its base, a form of torture. And like all forms of torture, it's most effective when the torturer becomes a safe place for the victim to flee. (In fact, that's pretty much the entire art of domming if you ever get into bondage.) Any good push-pull technique should be about 80% pull and 20% push, with adjustments as necessary for misbehavior and consistency when true misbehavior occurs.
The takeaways
A proper neg says something simple: I see you for who you really are.
Most women are far better attuned to understanding social signals than most men. And both genders tend to see the other gender through the filter of themselves. That means that women tend to overthink the social savvy that lurks behind any comment a guy makes. Women worry deeply about hidden meanings that would make men nauseous.
When a man dials his behavior in right, he signals at once that he understands the woman's emotional world and that he's not bothered by it. There's a thin line between "I see you" and "OMFG let's braid each other's hair!" The neg, when done right, services the need to demonstrate as masculine (little boys pick on girls) while still signalling some social savvy.
Every woman has a core mythical unicorn-monster that she sees as her idealized male. She wants him to be good looking and sexually appealing to all women, but she wants him to be loyal to her. She wants him to tough and strong and ready to kill the next motherfucker that comes down the street, but she wants him to preferably not beat her offspring to death if at all practicable. She wants him to have some sense of the feminine inner world without being pussified.
That's why the soft neg works well. It's a simple statement that yes, I am a man, yes; I can see you as a woman; yes, I appreciate what that means; and yes, I am in control without going off on a reckless bashing spree.
The human brain evolved as a challenge-response verifier for social and sexual combat. To shit test someone is the most human of activities. To neg someone is a step toward saying, "Yes, I see you laid bare and it doesn't bother me." Women, as the arbiters of social success, desire men that can present as masculine and still see past these things. They want you to be masculine, they want them to be feminine, and they want you to be able to live in that world without being a shaved ape with a chainsaw or a sniveling twat who can't quit crying.
Honestly? It's not that goddamned much to ask.
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
Why do women tolerate beta orbiters?
One of the more interesting questions that I think PUA and evo-psych types never bother to address is the question of why, if women supposedly hate beta males so badly, do they tolerate them?
First, it's worth noting here that "hate" is too strong of a word. The fact that a woman does not want to fuck a guy should not be construed as hating him. The world simply isn't that binary, so please grow the fuck up a bit, willya?
Second, just because she won't fuck you and you seem a lot like some pussyish guy she hangs out with who she also will not fuck, that does not necessarily entail that she sees that guy the same way as she sees you. The only thing you and that guy have in common is that you're both wimps who she won't fuck. That's not the same thing as hating him.
Anyhoo . . . why tolerate beta males?
Man is a social animal who also happens to be a fairly sexual animal. We're not social to the point of being ants. And we're not sexual to the point of being bonobos (thank gawd, because I'd have to quit the game entirely then). Socialization and sex are not one-for-one commodities, not by a long shot. In fact, they're not exchangeable at all. You can't just build up enough socialization points and then cash them in for sex. Doesn't work.
In fact, you don't absolutely need socialization in order to have sex. And you don't need sex in order to socialize (big win for people at Comicon). Being considered a sexual winner can help you socialize. And being considered a social winner can help you get laid.
At the end of the equation, social points can only buy you a ticket to the sexual dance . . . you still have to make all of the moves to jump from socializing to sexualizing. In fact, this is one of the few things that the PUA blogs get very right: escalation. At some point, if you're trying to make that jump, you have to make it clear to your partner that socialization is over and that sexualization has begun. This is where the thinly defined boundaries of consent start coming into resolution.
Here's the thing: you need more social props than you do sexual props.
Anyone who has ever known someone who completely subverted their social existence in order to be with one sexual partner will tell you this. Socialization, once it has been engaged and obtained, requires more effort than does sex, once it has been engaged and obtained. Once you've obtained a satisfactory pairing for both partners, it's actually pretty easy to throw away all of the props in your life and just submerge yourself in that person -- and in fact this is one of the reasons that love can be such a massively destructive force in people's lives.
Socialization works the opposite way. Once it has been obtained, it requires the continued acquisition of additional props. This means buying drinks, buying clothes, buying a car, having friends, Facebook, etc, etc, etc.
Beta males make excellent props. They're not a threat. They work hard for your attention. They can be sold off as boyfriends or as orbiters to other females as a reward for their friendship. They can be held in reserve as potential long-term mates. Their presence will ward off the weakest males and allow the female in question to select her suitors better for aggressive traits.
On balance, they're pretty fucking useful when you get right down to it. They're like a fully matured life insurance policy. You can hang on to it, cash it out, sell it, trade it, leverage it. Whatever.
If beta males could be securitized, every value investor on the planet would stockpile them. And that's exactly what women do.
Let's say there's a hot guy you like. You're making your best effort to get him to notice you, but it's just not clicking. For whatever reason, he just isn't coming over to talk to you. What's a girl to do?
Start giving that big bad beta of hers a few sexual hints and some hope!
Women who feel entitled to the best men get angry when the best men ignore them. Women who believe they're prime assets also believe in their own scarcity. This is to a great extent the great sales pitch of the hot chick: "Sex with me is rare and valuable."
Of course, just because something is rare does not mean it is valuable. Planet-swallowing blackholes are rare in our solar system -- it doesn't mean you want one to suddenly appear!
For something to be valuable, there has to be a market. Or at least the appearance of market. (Go ask the diamond industry -- because carbon ain't that valuable without regard to form. In fact, according to the anthropogenic theory of global warming, we have too much carbon.)
Beta male orbiters are great for creating the appearance of a market. Even better, because they've been conditioned to worry that they're misreading the chick in question, they won't get too upset when she tells him, "Oh, I'm sorry . . . I think you misunderstood."
The idea here is force the aloof alpha male into playing his hand. It's the old school "Going once . . . goooing twice . . . gooooooooooooing three times . . . " sales pitch. Of course, she never actually has to scream "Sold!" So she can lash the hell out of this sales pitch if she wants.
One thing that guys never quite get about female social-sexual behavior is that very little of it is aimed at us. A lot of it aimed at themselves. Some of it is aimed at their family. A little is aimed at society writ large. And a ton of it is aimed their friends and their competitors (who are often seen as the same group of people).
A lot of beta male orbiters fosters the sense that a chick is in-demand. This attracts other female friends who're hoping to ride the wave of the hot chick's popularity.
Loaning out these men is a critical part of how women reward their social circle members. It also allows a queen bee to buy herself distance between her and her friends. Likewise, it allows her to buy off potential competitors who might be within two points of her preferred mate.
If a chick is an 8, there's a good chance a number of her friends are in the 4 to 7 range. This means if she has a beta male 5 in the stable of orbiters, then she has an inventory that she doesn't want that she can sell at a pretty fuckin premium to her social circle. Every hot chick has a less attractive sister or cousin or high school best friend or faux friend from Facebook.
One of the highest status roles in a female social circle is that of matchmaker. A socially competent queen bee can solidify her position quickly by becoming the go-to female in the group for mate-pairing. And the easiest way to do this is to have a solid batch of beta males available to sell off to her friends. One of the strongest claims to power within a female social circle is to be able to utter "I set those two up".
Sometimes you just have to put a bitch down hard. It's a simple fact of the Mean Girl world.
Let's say you have a friend who's a 5 and she's dating a male 6. You're an 8. Guess what? Any time you want, you can wreck that bitch's relationship. You don't even have to fuck the guy. You just set him up to think he has a shot, and then drop his ass hard. Everyone sees it.
It ends up acting as a form of harem control within female social circles. You ever want to hear a song that's about some real shit? Dolly Parton's "Jolene". What's the song amount to? "I know you can fuck my man, but please take pity on me because it would destroy my world." Guys don't write songs like that, but women do.
Beta males also create some insulation between her and interlopers. They ward off weaker males. They shit test stronger males. They're going to hit on and drive off unwanted stronger females who attempt to enter the social circle. Beta males are a wonderful form of defense-in-depth.
There are downsides of course. If a woman is forced to put a beta male out of his misery, it usually makes her look bad to the other women, who tend to view the action as mean-spirited, misleading, cruel, etc, etc, etc. The other females also aren't fond of perfectly good sperm being thrown away if they think the guy might have hit on them.
The obligation to sell off male social circle members to other women also creates a ton of trouble in its own right.
Not every guy a girl keeps hanging on is doomed. Some are in fact alpha males held in waiting. She prefers to keep these guys unpaired, but in most cases she will be forced to pair them off. Her goal will always be to pair him off to the weakest friend she possibly can, that way she can then peal him off of the friend when she decides to give him a shot.
This has the benefit of providing a storage space for lesser alphas. It lends credibility to the idea that you're not hording the good men for yourself. It makes your friends look good, which in turn makes you look good.
It also makes you look like the Third Antichrist if you don't go about taking him from the your friend the right way. Make no mistake about it: hot chicks view their friend's boyfriends as a reserve supply of potential mates. this is why smart guys know to game a girls friends harder than they game her.
A woman's friends are going to press her for access to the highest value males she can supply. Remember: we're primates, and primates don't wait for the better primates to give them the better goods. Surrendering a reserve alpha male is an acceptable price to pay for lifelong friend, but there are other costs that are less acceptable.
Female friend orbiters will push for access to the queen's male family members. This means attractive brothers, cousins, and even the father. And they generally consider the permission requirements to be non-existent. A quick exclamation of "He's your brother, stop being so fucking gross / possessive / ignorant / jealous / mean / incestuos!" creates a major challenge to the queen bee.
A queen bee has the same investment in her relative's sexual success as any human being. She doesn't want her brothers aiming low any more than her dad wants her aiming low. Also, family dynamics create whole new obligations that can quickly destroy the social group. Now you have to answer to your family for abusing your weaker friends.
Also, if a lesser female can assert herself into your gene pool, it implies she might be your equal. That creates a major threat to the entire supply of available sperm if a friend who has been beaten down decides to come our of her shell and really elevate her game.
Put bluntly, there's a reason that women keep their friends away from their brothers if at all possible. Nothing makes a woman more queasy than when her friends start hinting at the sexual availability of her male family members.
If you're a teenage girl reading this, first off, congratulations for getting this far. Second, I have an experiment for you to run. The next time you talk to your friend, tell her that you think one of the guys in her family has a kinda deep, sexy voice. Just do it. The response will blow your fucking mind. Your friends really, really don't want you sexualizing their male relatives.
Beta males are wonderful holding assets. Women know this and they apply this knowledge every day. they trade their beta orbiters to weaker friends like Pokemon cards.
Also, what you see as a beta orbiter she might see as a lesser alpha worth keeping in the circle for that distant day when she decides to have kids. Girls loooooove that "I was just being immature and now I understand" rhetoric. A decade of unsuccessfully letting 8s spread her can always be ended by finally letting a 6 or a 7 out of orbit and in for a plowing. Look how many women nod approvingly to "He was my best friend and I should have married him sooner" rhetoric.
Let's be honest. If beta male game didn't work well enough to pass on genetic code, it would cease to exist within a couple generations. Women didn't just suddenly decide one day to start treating wimps like dirt. Sad sacks have been hanging around in orbit hoping for a chance for years. It's a feature, not a bug.
First, it's worth noting here that "hate" is too strong of a word. The fact that a woman does not want to fuck a guy should not be construed as hating him. The world simply isn't that binary, so please grow the fuck up a bit, willya?
Second, just because she won't fuck you and you seem a lot like some pussyish guy she hangs out with who she also will not fuck, that does not necessarily entail that she sees that guy the same way as she sees you. The only thing you and that guy have in common is that you're both wimps who she won't fuck. That's not the same thing as hating him.
Anyhoo . . . why tolerate beta males?
Other people make great social props
Man is a social animal who also happens to be a fairly sexual animal. We're not social to the point of being ants. And we're not sexual to the point of being bonobos (thank gawd, because I'd have to quit the game entirely then). Socialization and sex are not one-for-one commodities, not by a long shot. In fact, they're not exchangeable at all. You can't just build up enough socialization points and then cash them in for sex. Doesn't work.
In fact, you don't absolutely need socialization in order to have sex. And you don't need sex in order to socialize (big win for people at Comicon). Being considered a sexual winner can help you socialize. And being considered a social winner can help you get laid.
At the end of the equation, social points can only buy you a ticket to the sexual dance . . . you still have to make all of the moves to jump from socializing to sexualizing. In fact, this is one of the few things that the PUA blogs get very right: escalation. At some point, if you're trying to make that jump, you have to make it clear to your partner that socialization is over and that sexualization has begun. This is where the thinly defined boundaries of consent start coming into resolution.
Here's the thing: you need more social props than you do sexual props.
Anyone who has ever known someone who completely subverted their social existence in order to be with one sexual partner will tell you this. Socialization, once it has been engaged and obtained, requires more effort than does sex, once it has been engaged and obtained. Once you've obtained a satisfactory pairing for both partners, it's actually pretty easy to throw away all of the props in your life and just submerge yourself in that person -- and in fact this is one of the reasons that love can be such a massively destructive force in people's lives.
Socialization works the opposite way. Once it has been obtained, it requires the continued acquisition of additional props. This means buying drinks, buying clothes, buying a car, having friends, Facebook, etc, etc, etc.
Beta males make excellent props. They're not a threat. They work hard for your attention. They can be sold off as boyfriends or as orbiters to other females as a reward for their friendship. They can be held in reserve as potential long-term mates. Their presence will ward off the weakest males and allow the female in question to select her suitors better for aggressive traits.
On balance, they're pretty fucking useful when you get right down to it. They're like a fully matured life insurance policy. You can hang on to it, cash it out, sell it, trade it, leverage it. Whatever.
If beta males could be securitized, every value investor on the planet would stockpile them. And that's exactly what women do.
They'll do as a sexual prop in a pinch
Let's say there's a hot guy you like. You're making your best effort to get him to notice you, but it's just not clicking. For whatever reason, he just isn't coming over to talk to you. What's a girl to do?
Start giving that big bad beta of hers a few sexual hints and some hope!
Women who feel entitled to the best men get angry when the best men ignore them. Women who believe they're prime assets also believe in their own scarcity. This is to a great extent the great sales pitch of the hot chick: "Sex with me is rare and valuable."
Of course, just because something is rare does not mean it is valuable. Planet-swallowing blackholes are rare in our solar system -- it doesn't mean you want one to suddenly appear!
For something to be valuable, there has to be a market. Or at least the appearance of market. (Go ask the diamond industry -- because carbon ain't that valuable without regard to form. In fact, according to the anthropogenic theory of global warming, we have too much carbon.)
Beta male orbiters are great for creating the appearance of a market. Even better, because they've been conditioned to worry that they're misreading the chick in question, they won't get too upset when she tells him, "Oh, I'm sorry . . . I think you misunderstood."
The idea here is force the aloof alpha male into playing his hand. It's the old school "Going once . . . goooing twice . . . gooooooooooooing three times . . . " sales pitch. Of course, she never actually has to scream "Sold!" So she can lash the hell out of this sales pitch if she wants.
Orbiters have value within the female social circle
One thing that guys never quite get about female social-sexual behavior is that very little of it is aimed at us. A lot of it aimed at themselves. Some of it is aimed at their family. A little is aimed at society writ large. And a ton of it is aimed their friends and their competitors (who are often seen as the same group of people).
A lot of beta male orbiters fosters the sense that a chick is in-demand. This attracts other female friends who're hoping to ride the wave of the hot chick's popularity.
Loaning out these men is a critical part of how women reward their social circle members. It also allows a queen bee to buy herself distance between her and her friends. Likewise, it allows her to buy off potential competitors who might be within two points of her preferred mate.
If a chick is an 8, there's a good chance a number of her friends are in the 4 to 7 range. This means if she has a beta male 5 in the stable of orbiters, then she has an inventory that she doesn't want that she can sell at a pretty fuckin premium to her social circle. Every hot chick has a less attractive sister or cousin or high school best friend or faux friend from Facebook.
One of the highest status roles in a female social circle is that of matchmaker. A socially competent queen bee can solidify her position quickly by becoming the go-to female in the group for mate-pairing. And the easiest way to do this is to have a solid batch of beta males available to sell off to her friends. One of the strongest claims to power within a female social circle is to be able to utter "I set those two up".
Orbiters create jealousy within and beyond the social circle
Sometimes you just have to put a bitch down hard. It's a simple fact of the Mean Girl world.
Let's say you have a friend who's a 5 and she's dating a male 6. You're an 8. Guess what? Any time you want, you can wreck that bitch's relationship. You don't even have to fuck the guy. You just set him up to think he has a shot, and then drop his ass hard. Everyone sees it.
It ends up acting as a form of harem control within female social circles. You ever want to hear a song that's about some real shit? Dolly Parton's "Jolene". What's the song amount to? "I know you can fuck my man, but please take pity on me because it would destroy my world." Guys don't write songs like that, but women do.
Beta males also create some insulation between her and interlopers. They ward off weaker males. They shit test stronger males. They're going to hit on and drive off unwanted stronger females who attempt to enter the social circle. Beta males are a wonderful form of defense-in-depth.
Downside: even beta dick is a threat to group cohesion
There are downsides of course. If a woman is forced to put a beta male out of his misery, it usually makes her look bad to the other women, who tend to view the action as mean-spirited, misleading, cruel, etc, etc, etc. The other females also aren't fond of perfectly good sperm being thrown away if they think the guy might have hit on them.
The obligation to sell off male social circle members to other women also creates a ton of trouble in its own right.
Not every guy a girl keeps hanging on is doomed. Some are in fact alpha males held in waiting. She prefers to keep these guys unpaired, but in most cases she will be forced to pair them off. Her goal will always be to pair him off to the weakest friend she possibly can, that way she can then peal him off of the friend when she decides to give him a shot.
This has the benefit of providing a storage space for lesser alphas. It lends credibility to the idea that you're not hording the good men for yourself. It makes your friends look good, which in turn makes you look good.
It also makes you look like the Third Antichrist if you don't go about taking him from the your friend the right way. Make no mistake about it: hot chicks view their friend's boyfriends as a reserve supply of potential mates. this is why smart guys know to game a girls friends harder than they game her.
Unwanted sexual access to male family members
A woman's friends are going to press her for access to the highest value males she can supply. Remember: we're primates, and primates don't wait for the better primates to give them the better goods. Surrendering a reserve alpha male is an acceptable price to pay for lifelong friend, but there are other costs that are less acceptable.
Female friend orbiters will push for access to the queen's male family members. This means attractive brothers, cousins, and even the father. And they generally consider the permission requirements to be non-existent. A quick exclamation of "He's your brother, stop being so fucking gross / possessive / ignorant / jealous / mean / incestuos!" creates a major challenge to the queen bee.
A queen bee has the same investment in her relative's sexual success as any human being. She doesn't want her brothers aiming low any more than her dad wants her aiming low. Also, family dynamics create whole new obligations that can quickly destroy the social group. Now you have to answer to your family for abusing your weaker friends.
Also, if a lesser female can assert herself into your gene pool, it implies she might be your equal. That creates a major threat to the entire supply of available sperm if a friend who has been beaten down decides to come our of her shell and really elevate her game.
Put bluntly, there's a reason that women keep their friends away from their brothers if at all possible. Nothing makes a woman more queasy than when her friends start hinting at the sexual availability of her male family members.
If you're a teenage girl reading this, first off, congratulations for getting this far. Second, I have an experiment for you to run. The next time you talk to your friend, tell her that you think one of the guys in her family has a kinda deep, sexy voice. Just do it. The response will blow your fucking mind. Your friends really, really don't want you sexualizing their male relatives.
Conclusions
Beta males are wonderful holding assets. Women know this and they apply this knowledge every day. they trade their beta orbiters to weaker friends like Pokemon cards.
Also, what you see as a beta orbiter she might see as a lesser alpha worth keeping in the circle for that distant day when she decides to have kids. Girls loooooove that "I was just being immature and now I understand" rhetoric. A decade of unsuccessfully letting 8s spread her can always be ended by finally letting a 6 or a 7 out of orbit and in for a plowing. Look how many women nod approvingly to "He was my best friend and I should have married him sooner" rhetoric.
Let's be honest. If beta male game didn't work well enough to pass on genetic code, it would cease to exist within a couple generations. Women didn't just suddenly decide one day to start treating wimps like dirt. Sad sacks have been hanging around in orbit hoping for a chance for years. It's a feature, not a bug.
Monday, December 16, 2013
Why you need to go for the highest quality woman
This is one of those posts I've had floating in my head a while. Let's just be honest about life for a sec . . . One of the the biggest things that holds people back in love and relationships is the fear that they're either settling or getting into something about their grade. "What if I find someone else?" and "What if I can't sustain this?" are the two biggest fears people have when evaluating the long-term worth of a new relationships and deciding whether to advances with it.
In the manosphere part of the internet, there's a bit of a low hum idea that if you're going long-term that you should seek a woman that's a bit below you're 10-point scale number. The basic notion is that her fear and uncertainty will keep her honest.
I disagree with this idea. Why? Personal experience.
The most difficult situations I've ever had were with women who were worried that I was too good for them. I don't handle the emotional maintenance needs of others well anyhow, so for me it just feels like this constant pounding. If before a first date a chick is already giving me the "I can't wait" treatment, I tend to get concerned. Because those women tend to need constant maintenance.
Now, I have the advantage that hot chicks tend to like me. As I've said before, if there's a hot chick in a bar who is really on to land the toughest guy available, she tends to go straight for me. No real surprise there, because if you're decent looking, have your shit together, and can stay emotionally distant, women will eat that shit up.
The only time that women that score a 6 or lower bother me is if they're drunk. Really, really, drunk. Or if they're with a group of friends and one of them decides she's going to show the others how the fuck it's done. I'm popular with the "Bullshit! I fucking dare you!" demographic about a half hour after drink specials end. I also draw the occasional shot at 1:30am from the girl who decides "Fuck it, he hasn't danced with anyone all night -- I'm asking him!"
By comparison, a sober 8 who is on her cycle will gravitate to me the minute she walks into the bar. Usually just straight-up girl approach with increasingly tighter orbits until she hits her limit for complete self-embarrassment. Sometimes she'll go for the soft verbal approach with a single light touch. And then there is the every now and then bump-that-wasn't-a-bump approach.
For my part, anyhow, it's easier to maintain a partner who is more attractive through simple aloofness than it is to try to maintain a less attractive partner complex emotional maintenance. I can only handle so many non-subtle requests for validation before I'm done. If you really don't think you can roll with me, then you shouldn't have gone out for the date in the first place.
What's funny for me is that I couldn't pick up a chubby 5 from Plenty of Fish of OK Cupid to save my fucking life. In fact, OLD was an unmitigated disaster for me. I can go out to any busy bar on any given weekend and pretty much grab the hottest single chick there without speaking and play it off like it's nothing and have it work.
I'll concede that a decent chunk of what attracts women to me is my comportment. I tend to game solo and sit by myself or just lean against the wall, talking to the occasional friend who filters past, but not really engaging at length in socialization. And women make their orbits past and try to get my attention. If you've read the blog much, you know I enjoy this a lot. I'm not really happy until they stat embarrassing themselves for my benefit.
I encourage any guy who's truly interest in learning some game to focus on developing an effortless aloofness to whatever level they can credibly maintain without risking incongruity with how they will seem once they open their mouths. Once you find your level for that, figure out what are the hottest chicks available that are drawn to it, and from there proceed toward whatever goal you have (sex, marriage, love, whatever consensual kink you're into). Don't go lower. Someone has to own the relationship, and the easiest relationship to own is a hot enough guy keeping a really hot girl trapped in a co-dependent relationship.
In the manosphere part of the internet, there's a bit of a low hum idea that if you're going long-term that you should seek a woman that's a bit below you're 10-point scale number. The basic notion is that her fear and uncertainty will keep her honest.
I disagree with this idea. Why? Personal experience.
The most difficult situations I've ever had were with women who were worried that I was too good for them. I don't handle the emotional maintenance needs of others well anyhow, so for me it just feels like this constant pounding. If before a first date a chick is already giving me the "I can't wait" treatment, I tend to get concerned. Because those women tend to need constant maintenance.
Now, I have the advantage that hot chicks tend to like me. As I've said before, if there's a hot chick in a bar who is really on to land the toughest guy available, she tends to go straight for me. No real surprise there, because if you're decent looking, have your shit together, and can stay emotionally distant, women will eat that shit up.
The only time that women that score a 6 or lower bother me is if they're drunk. Really, really, drunk. Or if they're with a group of friends and one of them decides she's going to show the others how the fuck it's done. I'm popular with the "Bullshit! I fucking dare you!" demographic about a half hour after drink specials end. I also draw the occasional shot at 1:30am from the girl who decides "Fuck it, he hasn't danced with anyone all night -- I'm asking him!"
By comparison, a sober 8 who is on her cycle will gravitate to me the minute she walks into the bar. Usually just straight-up girl approach with increasingly tighter orbits until she hits her limit for complete self-embarrassment. Sometimes she'll go for the soft verbal approach with a single light touch. And then there is the every now and then bump-that-wasn't-a-bump approach.
For my part, anyhow, it's easier to maintain a partner who is more attractive through simple aloofness than it is to try to maintain a less attractive partner complex emotional maintenance. I can only handle so many non-subtle requests for validation before I'm done. If you really don't think you can roll with me, then you shouldn't have gone out for the date in the first place.
What's funny for me is that I couldn't pick up a chubby 5 from Plenty of Fish of OK Cupid to save my fucking life. In fact, OLD was an unmitigated disaster for me. I can go out to any busy bar on any given weekend and pretty much grab the hottest single chick there without speaking and play it off like it's nothing and have it work.
I'll concede that a decent chunk of what attracts women to me is my comportment. I tend to game solo and sit by myself or just lean against the wall, talking to the occasional friend who filters past, but not really engaging at length in socialization. And women make their orbits past and try to get my attention. If you've read the blog much, you know I enjoy this a lot. I'm not really happy until they stat embarrassing themselves for my benefit.
I encourage any guy who's truly interest in learning some game to focus on developing an effortless aloofness to whatever level they can credibly maintain without risking incongruity with how they will seem once they open their mouths. Once you find your level for that, figure out what are the hottest chicks available that are drawn to it, and from there proceed toward whatever goal you have (sex, marriage, love, whatever consensual kink you're into). Don't go lower. Someone has to own the relationship, and the easiest relationship to own is a hot enough guy keeping a really hot girl trapped in a co-dependent relationship.
More fun with search queries
Since many people are willing to ask Google a question but not me . . .
"Are aloof men overly sexual?"
First, most modern psychologists classify avoidant personality problems as being a subset of sex addiction. If you're looking for the answer that science offers, then the answer is basically "yes".
Second . . . my own personal and completely unscientific experience as aloof /avoidant / autistic / whatever the fuck flavor it is today on the menu . . . "no".
The hard part in my viewpoint is defining what "overly sexual" even means. There's an old Woody Allen joke about a couple in therapy. The wife is like, "OMG, he's a sex maniac! He wants to screw like three times a week!" The husband is like, "We barely ever have sex. Maybe three times a week!"
You get the point, I'd guess.
It's worth noting that I tend to employ a two-track coping mechanism that allows me to track sexual needs to one set of partners and emotional needs to another set of partners. This is generally not considered the model of how avoidant personalities handle things. The typical avoidant person engages in a single committed sexual relationship and then basically starves their partner of attention.
I have my suspicions that the diagnosis is heavily over-used by couples counselors who have no trade in telling 40 year old women the real reason their husbands don't want to fuck them anymore (age, weight, weight, weight, boredom, weight, change in social status, age, weight, and a little more age). If you're really worried about your relationship, you might want to give that idea a serious hearing before you dismiss it an move on to "he's being aloof". I say that for the benefit of being thorough, knowing full well that every woman dodges these questions in favor of preserving her ego. Whatever. I said it. It's up to you whether you bother to really think it.
I never really understood how to explain to other people how I feel about sex. First off, I largely do not enjoy sex. I've always felt that it was terribly over-rated. Yes, I get that lacking the emotional component in a sexual relationship is expected to deprive me of some of the value, but even in a rather narrow, beastly, and sociopathic construct, I just don't see the wonder in sex. For me it's like taking a piss that's been held in. It's relaxing and a relieving. But, I've never really gotten the high that other claim.
Mind you that I don't get the high that other people claim from a lot of things. Something really, really, really has to set the excitement meter off for me to even register it. In truth, the only really great high I ever get is from beating the system. Anytime I cheat and get away with it (or especially exploit the system in a non-cheating, not-ethical manner) that's when I really enjoy life.
That actually tends to make sex a bit depressing for me. To be blunt, when I'm really driven to get a woman, it's easy. And the one thing you have to understand with me is that easy is pointless and depressing to me. For example, work and making money is depressing as fuck. Mind you that I am good at it. But it's hard for me once I'm above the baseline that I need to survive and "enjoy life" (I use quotes because I don't truly enjoy anything for very long) it's hard for me to care.
In other words, women are like work to me. I do enough to deal with the issue effectively, but on balance I don't understand love addicts or sex addicts any more than I understand workaholics. So, for my part, it's difficult to conceive of myself as "overly sexual".
"Are aloof men overly sexual?"
First, most modern psychologists classify avoidant personality problems as being a subset of sex addiction. If you're looking for the answer that science offers, then the answer is basically "yes".
Second . . . my own personal and completely unscientific experience as aloof /avoidant / autistic / whatever the fuck flavor it is today on the menu . . . "no".
The hard part in my viewpoint is defining what "overly sexual" even means. There's an old Woody Allen joke about a couple in therapy. The wife is like, "OMG, he's a sex maniac! He wants to screw like three times a week!" The husband is like, "We barely ever have sex. Maybe three times a week!"
You get the point, I'd guess.
It's worth noting that I tend to employ a two-track coping mechanism that allows me to track sexual needs to one set of partners and emotional needs to another set of partners. This is generally not considered the model of how avoidant personalities handle things. The typical avoidant person engages in a single committed sexual relationship and then basically starves their partner of attention.
I have my suspicions that the diagnosis is heavily over-used by couples counselors who have no trade in telling 40 year old women the real reason their husbands don't want to fuck them anymore (age, weight, weight, weight, boredom, weight, change in social status, age, weight, and a little more age). If you're really worried about your relationship, you might want to give that idea a serious hearing before you dismiss it an move on to "he's being aloof". I say that for the benefit of being thorough, knowing full well that every woman dodges these questions in favor of preserving her ego. Whatever. I said it. It's up to you whether you bother to really think it.
I never really understood how to explain to other people how I feel about sex. First off, I largely do not enjoy sex. I've always felt that it was terribly over-rated. Yes, I get that lacking the emotional component in a sexual relationship is expected to deprive me of some of the value, but even in a rather narrow, beastly, and sociopathic construct, I just don't see the wonder in sex. For me it's like taking a piss that's been held in. It's relaxing and a relieving. But, I've never really gotten the high that other claim.
Mind you that I don't get the high that other people claim from a lot of things. Something really, really, really has to set the excitement meter off for me to even register it. In truth, the only really great high I ever get is from beating the system. Anytime I cheat and get away with it (or especially exploit the system in a non-cheating, not-ethical manner) that's when I really enjoy life.
That actually tends to make sex a bit depressing for me. To be blunt, when I'm really driven to get a woman, it's easy. And the one thing you have to understand with me is that easy is pointless and depressing to me. For example, work and making money is depressing as fuck. Mind you that I am good at it. But it's hard for me once I'm above the baseline that I need to survive and "enjoy life" (I use quotes because I don't truly enjoy anything for very long) it's hard for me to care.
In other words, women are like work to me. I do enough to deal with the issue effectively, but on balance I don't understand love addicts or sex addicts any more than I understand workaholics. So, for my part, it's difficult to conceive of myself as "overly sexual".
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