Wednesday, July 10, 2013

What type of women do aloof men attract?

Saw this one in the queries and I figured I'd answer it as best I can.  Allowing for the fact that most of the people you encounter over a lifetime are reflective of the general population in your area -- bah!  Let's just skip that.  It's probably worth considering, but I don't feel like doing the math.

Before I proceed, let me provide my standard public service here.  Don't do aloofness.  It's a bad idea.  Especially if it's not natural to you.

The top two groups of women I attract are about as divergent as you could possibly imagine.

One group I attract is the hard-working girl with a plan.  She is waiting for "The One" to come along.  She's usually in college or post-college.  And she is working at some menial job to make ends meet.  That menial job, where she is invariably working as a cashier or a waitress or a bartender or some other shit service gig, is where she sees me.  She spends a lot of time trying to initiate idle chat.  She always tries to leverage her break time to talk more with me, sometimes going as far as just telling me when she'll be on her break, or using her break to lurk and say hi if she can figure out the timing to do that.

The other group I attract is the complete fucking trainwreck.  This is the girl who will admit to having done cocaine, but it's totally in the past.  When I tell her heroine is a dealbreaker, she says she never has done it, but then gets the "oh, shit, he's gonna figure me out before I get a real chance" look on her face.  Sometimes she's just a drunk, but not as often as one would hope when swimming in a sea of junkies who claim to be former junkies.  These chicks always try to isolate me and ply me with booze.  Basically, they are fashioning the patented "oh, it just happened" first-night sex scenario that PUA bloggers like Roissy constantly drone on about when they discuss female rationalization while acting like they never read Freud before.

There's actually a decent amount in between those two.  But, that group just covers "humanity".  Nothing really to see there, in truth.

I attract the low-achieving, aspiring high-achiever who thinks she just needs the right man in her life. And I attract the low-achieving, low-achiever who is hoping this time she'll find a guy that'll fuck her stupid and . . .  who knows?!  She ain't thinking that far into the future!  That's what my aloofness attracts.  I attract hard-working underachievers who are in the market for that one distant, cool guy who is secretly amazing.  And I attract pure fuck-ups who are looking for a brutal sociopath to take advantage of them.

What's my theory?

It's the dead eyes.  I have dead eyes.  That's an absolute personal truth I believe about myself.  I had a friend once tell me that when I stand around waiting for people I look like I'm going to rob the place.  Various other versions I have been told are that I look like I shit myself, that I look like I'm going to punch the next person who walks past, etc, etc.  All basically forms of "you look, angry, scary, depressed, violent".

The thing with women is you'd be surprised how many of them are looking for a guy with the dead eyes.  If I'm by myself at the bar and a chick comes in by herself after midnight, you can be almost guaranteed I will be the first guy she locks eyes with.  I'm very popular with the chicks who are looking to fuck shit up.

Understand, though, that trait translates to nice girls, too.  The hard-working girl with her shit together who sees the well-dressed guy with the dead eyes cross her path is just working from a slightly more delusional premise than the bad bitch.  The nice girl is hoping that the hard man has that layer of good underneath.  As the folks on the TV Tropes website call it, she's looking for the Jerk With a Heart of Gold.  (Yes, it does undermine my sense of being a little bit to consider that I'm just a very bad television trope living out my life in quiet desperation.)

The big difference between the bad bitch and the nice girl is that the bad bitch thinks there's no good to come of this life and she decides to just play for fun.  It's pragmatic hyper-realism that eventually bends inward under its own weight and becomes a distinctive form of delusion.  It's the belief that life is so hard that all a fucked up girl can do is find a mean to have a fun time with for tonight.

The nice girl, of course, thinks she has a good bead on things, too.  She thinks there's a strong, emotionally deep man out there who just needs the right girl to open him up.  I always figured this was an unresolved daddy issues thing, because a lot of the nice girls I attract had dads who did jail time.  So, essentially, they're objectifying me as a way of working through the idea that whatever was wrong with their fathers, somewhere underneath it all was a caring man who just needed her to love him.

Going into the space between . . . I attract chicks who seem to be really on their ovulation cycle and just have to get it out of their system.  Again, the dead-eyed sociopath seems to be a premium choice for the chick who wants to get off.  I also attract the "not another birthday" demographic.  Chicks in their 30s looking to hook-up exactly on the day of their birthday while out partying with friends love me.  I'm always an appealing option to the chick who feels she's overdue for a piece of ass. Women that are pissed at their husbands love me, too.

Yeah, I attract really defective women.  Which makes sense when you think about it.  After all, what sane woman is really going to get involved with a guy who never gives her anything back?  It takes a chick who really believes she has to pay hell to get into anything with a guy like me.

That's what aloofness gets ya, kids.


  1. To tell you the truth, I am not going to lie, but I try my hardest not to be aloof, but it doesn't seem to work. I guess sub consciously I can't escape who I really am, as an aloof man hahaha. Its quite funny, how I get the same type of comments, the "dead eyes" and also when people tend to meet me they seem intimidated as well. I kid you not, I seem to attract the same type of women, its interesting to find another person having the same sex appeal in the way you've described it... Its really funny how i just randomly found your blog, but i enjoy your reading posts.
    Young Aloof Guy

    1. Poor guy. We should form a club where everyone sits and glowers at the world.

  2. I've never been good at spotting orbiters even after reading the orbiter post, so I only have direct approaches to reflect on. My female approaches have almost unanimously began with some version of "You havin' fun?". I suppose I give off my own "depressed/shit myself/rob the place" vibe, although I certainly don't mean to.

    Prior to reading this, I had always wondered why a total stranger would give a shit if other strangers aren't enjoying themselves at whatever event they happened to be in. This post puts those approaches in a much better light.

    1. "Havin fun?" is a meaningless cliche. Cliches in conversation should be assumed to be just what they are: filler.