This may come as a surprise to readers of the blog, but I do actually have limits for how long I can torture a girl with aloofness without throwing her a bone. Such a case occurred this weekend. I was out at a bar that tends to be my place to decompress. It's a little less attended than my go-to places, so I can put my feet up, drink and just cease to give a fuck about anything.
last few weeks, this one chick has been there every single weekend.
And every time she spends the whole night talking and dancing with
different guys only to then go home alone. She has a kinda late 20s
damaged bitch vibe to her. But not really in a horrible "fuck off"
bitch kinda way. More of a "just been hurt too many times" sorta way.
She's very much my type physically. 5'3"-ish, maybe. Wide hips, narrow
waist, dark hair. But I have a tough time giving bitchy women any play.
night, she has tried to get my attention. The one night she actually
resorted to parking herself right in front of me, facing toward me.
Now, for the sake of plausible denial, she had her face down texting on
her phone. But she'd peek up to see if I was looking (I have killer
peripheral vision, which makes being an aloof tease waaaaay too easy).
Another night she actually kinda hits on a friend of mine, then uses
that as a pretense to sit down with the two of us. She then proceeds to
park her chair directly in front of me. No talk with me and barely any
with him, actually. Just making sure to put herself directly in my
field of view.
Friday night she resorts to standing in
front of me and looking directly at me, then looking at the dance
floor. Pretty much the way a dog might point at his bowl when he wants
fed. I'll admit, the hilarity of that thought got the better of me and
the cocky smirk came out in full force. Understand this: women cannot
resist my cocky smirk when it is fully deployed. She walks over and asks me, "do you dance?"
reply, "I suck at it." This is not true at all. I am an astonishingly
accomplished dancer, especially if we're talking about getting sexual
to anything hip hop, Latin, club, etc. In close proximity, it takes me
about two minutes to get a woman into full "I don't normally do stuff
like this with guys" mode. I can be aloof, but make no mistake about
what I do when I decide to engage. I have no trouble going from cold
open to kiss in under fifteen minutes. And I will gladly commit what
would be for a less attractive guy considered a full bore sexual assault
in less than two minutes.
For whatever reason, I
decided to give this chick the full works. Fuck it. She had earned it,
IMHO. I grinded her front and back and front again. I took her hands and pulled her arms above her head and then slowly used my hands to caress her the whole way from wrists to upper thigh. She got the deluxe package.
And holy shit did that break her.
She grabs my hand and nervously says, "I can't get into this. You're married."
like to say I reacted like a normal person would. But I didn't. Once I
commit to full sociopath mode with a woman, I can roll with anything. I
put my left hand up and asked her, "Do you see a tan line on my ring
Then I pulled her in close, stroked her hair and held her head against my chest. Women love being held against my chest. I kissed her ear and then I kissed her on top of her head.
It wasn't enough. In fact, I think it made things worse. The problem with emotionally damaged people is that they get scared shitless when they feel their emotions getting away from them. I had crossed the trust barrier. I was too good. Too good is fine when the chick really wants to go there. But if it spikes her fear response -- especially if those fears are tied up with internal turmoil -- it will flame out fabulously.
I let her go. We finished the song. She disengaged. I resorted to not pursuing.
The best option at this point is to pursue a catch and release strategy. She'll be back. The trick next time is to go super soft. No grinding, no dancing. I'll give her the full "let's talk" game. And she'll break. I'll push her emotionally while not pushing her too far physically. And she'll resist. But she'll have a moment where she just barfs out her entire soul. Women always have that moment with me after they've had that big physical moment.
That moment is what she's scared of having. But with tough girls, you gotta break them emotionally. And then it will all come pouring out. After that, she's yours to do with as you please. The hard part calibrating the emotional push to ensure you don't come of as pressing her into a confession. You just want to "be there for her" at the moment that it happens. Sure, you nudge. But they're all just really afraid that if they admit too much you will never love them.
With these women, the key is to nudge them emotionally and then show them some soft physical affection. Little kiss on the head stuff. You want to be the big brother, not the guy trying to get a piece. One of the great female fantasies about men is to have a guy who can be a non-judgmental big brother with a side helping of sexual benefits.
This one is not over. And it's going to be a hell of a ride. I'm on the cusp of one of my patented three week burst of sexuality and emotion with one woman that just leaves her completely drained. Strangely, unlike other times in my past, I'm not dreading this. I want to see what's on the other side of this tough girl's brave mask. These girls and this type of supernova relationship are my specialty.